Dealing With It All

[EvansLight]

I figure this should go here as i guess its a place for serious discussion.

I swear every thread i make recently is about me having problems at home. Its getting kinda old i know, trust me i know. But hell i don't have anyone to talk to anymore, so online is about the only place i have to pour this crap out.

Quick primer: over the last year ive dealt with my sister buying our house which she doesn't want and hates having to pay for, lost job oppurtunities, still un-employed, grandfather trip to the hospital, sisters car wreck totaling her baby (for mustang gt), and tons more small things along the way. The big problem isn't the events themselves, its the worrying and small problems they cause.

Ive spent the last 2 months in a constant state of worry, and no matter how i try and tell myself i shouldn't worry as much as i do its not helping any. The sane person i had thought i had become has been left in the dust. i have to worry about my sisters state of mind and of course her physical condition, and then theres worrying about my grandfather, who now scares me anytime he sleeps later then usual or the weird noises he makes while dreaming recently.

Just so much crap, i gotta ask; how the hell does everyone else deal with stuff when it gets this bad?

Me i can't even let it out. No one to yell at, talk to, cry with, or hell just to break down with. I can't do it around my sister, im the little strand helping to keep her sane right now. I can't do it with my grandfather cause... its my grandfather. My mom, pssh yea right. Best i can do is go out and find somewhere nice and secluded and just let it out. Hell i think i scared away most of the animals in a park the other night with the scream i let out.

Hell its got me smoking half a pack of cloves a week now. And trust me for me thats alot. Next step is the cheapo ciggs which are getting real tempting. And no ive never even thought about suicide as a serious thing. Its just not the answer, hell its not even an answer. I do believe you rot somewhere shitty for all time for killing yourself, and that seems much worse then the short life i have to make it through.

But honestly i have thought about giving up. Just going out for a drive and not coming home. Leaving a note, grabbing some cash, and just leaving. Its crossed my mind more and more these last few days. Ive already had 1 complete major emotional breakdown this year...

Ahh but im rambling now; this is a discussion not just my personal rant. Everyone hear has already heard whats been going on. So as i said, how does everyone here cope with major problems?

[nicayotte]

All i can say is that i hope it turns out good for you in the end bro

[Bulldog_916]

I fish when I need to get away. It's one of my favorite things to do. Just sitting and relaxing really helps to clear my mind and put things in perspective. Just get out into nature and take it in even if you dont have fishing equipment.

You have to prioritize. First priority is family of course. But getting a job will help ease some of the issues quite a bit. Put yourself out there. Even if things dont work out the way you want them to (all happy endings) it will still be better for them to work out at all. Then you can re-evaluate your situation and tackle it from a different perspective. Just take things one day at a time, dont think about the future. The furthest you should be thinking ahead is tomorrow. Get the job today.

[EvansLight]

i was typing out this long post about what happened tonight; long story short i broke. I cried my damn eyes out, screamed a bit, and let out years of shit to my mom. I gotta say i feel a shit load better. But things aren't better, i just got something i now know i really needed.

[Canon]

im the same way worrying about the small stuff. the only thing i can advise you to do is talk about it, to anyone. just be glad that you actually do have family to worry about.

[Akkbar]

only worry about the things that you can do something about. things that are out of your hands dont matter.
my dad's old, and sick. it used to bother me. but i cant do anything about that. if he dies, he dies, and no amount of worrying will prevent it, just as no amount of crying will bring him back.
i learned long ago that expending time and energy over things that i cant control or thing that wont ever change is a waste of the short time i have to live.
do something constructive. if you learn to do something worthwhile every time you worry, you'll get a lot accomplished, and you'll feel better about life.
me, i work out or write when things get rough, or i go make memories with my wife. these are things that i can look back on, realize that they are the result of my pain, and be happy with it.

ymmv

[Johnny_D]

It doesn't get better. It won't suddenly go away. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

What actually happens, as you get older, is you just learn to deal with stuff better.

Take your sister car for an example. Whilst it might be a big deal to you, in actual fact it should be about number #453 on your priority list [1]

You have to, mentally, prioritise your efforts. In my humble opinion the no.1 has to be getting a job... any job... work in mcdonalds if necessary. Why? Because it is infinitely easier to get a job when you HAVE a job. Trust me on this. [2]

I'm afraid you have to be cold internally. Worry about the things you can change, not the things you can't.

I had to watch and help my nanna over the past 4 years since my father died suddenly. Had to watch her get more frail and actually get old. Did I worry about it? No. Not one bit. Because i can do the sum total of fuck all about it. I love her of course, support her, give her comfort and warmth. But you can't drive yourself insane worrying.

Harsh and cold i realise [in some sense] But what good are you becomming a mental wreck to anyone? Sometimes you have to take care of No.1 to take care of anyone else.

Just a few rambling thoughts.

JD

[1] - Unless she has been hurt by it (But i seem to recall she was ok?)
[2] - I once packed dog food in a dog food factory. No one is born the C.E.O of ICI.

[SmokingDjinn]

I've been in similar situations, and honestly, that is just life for the most part. What I try to do now is not worry about the things that are outside my control, and focus on doing the next right thing. This philosophy has really helped me. Instead of worrying focus on doing what is in front of you right now. I didn't used to have this philosophy, as a matter of fact I developed a alcohol and drug problem to deal with it, well, that made problems a lot worse. It sounds like you may have some type of anxiety problem. I went down and saw a shrink for my anxiety and he put me on some meds that seem to help.
Hope this helps,
Djinn

[Tati]

*hugs*

The best thing you can do is take things one step at a time. First step will be finding a job.
There is absolutely no use worrying about things you have no control over, and it sucks.

Leaving will only make you more guilty and worried. Its not worth it.
Talk to your sister, she is probably feeling more shitty than you are now. By helping her, you will be helping yourself. Tell her what you are feeling and thinking and ask her to do the same. Same thing with your mom.

You are not alone!!!

Hope everything works out for you.

[dude3516]

Well if you want a way to 'deal' or 'cope' I've been wrestling for 5 years and training Brazillian Jiu Jitsu for 2. Just going to practice and having a good tumble with someone helps out when I've got stresses.

[TheScotsman]

It doesn't get better. It won't suddenly go away. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

What actually happens, as you get older, is you just learn to deal with stuff better.

Learning to deal with it better is more learning what to worry about, what can be ignored, but more than anything what MUST be ignored.

I would completely agree with #1 being gainful employment. That said, all those events that fall into the above ignore, and must ignore lists will do their very best to ball it up.

[ghostofdavid]

Dude, you have my phone number. You can ALWAYS call and talk to me about anything. Let me know if you still need to talk.

[Doubon]

You have to sort out the things you can deal with and the things you can't control.
As always, whatever will be, will be. Everyone has rough spots at some point in their life (and your family can really help you).

[Christama]

Having had a nervous breakdown at the ripe age of 21, I know what it's like. I was having a shitty time at home, I was working my ass off to pay not only my bills but my parents as well because my dad quit his job. My grandpa was pretty much comatose for 6 months before he died. My girlfriend and i were fighting all the time because I was stressed from everything else.

So what did I do? I realized "I'm 21, my life is MY LIFE". I told my parents politely that I was moving out, and realized my grandfather wasn't in pain anymore and was in a better place. Everything I had control over (paying for my parents, depression from the death of my grandfather and fighting with the girlfriend) went out the window. I was away from it. I was doing things on my own, for myself for the first time, and it felt amazing.

I still miss my grandfather, I still help my parents out and i still fight with my now different girlfriend. But does it get me down now? No, because shits going to come along in life for the next 60 years thats going to affect me. Unless my life is in any danger, than nothing that happens is going to make life worse.

Quote from my boss every morning at work: "I'm gonna be pissed the morning i don't wake up".

[Akkbar]

yeah. i always smile when ppl say "life is so hard."

life is so hard compared to what?

[hookahmike]

Just remember to not take life too seriously,
No one has made it out alive yet!!!

[lonasindi]

everyone's said a lot of great things. this is my view on life.

it's a bitch. period. the only thing you can reliably do to combat the downs it throws at you is take pleasure in the smallest good thing you can. Be that a job well done or just something you see in nature that's really awesome.

Take wins where you can get them.

and most importantly, just keep pushing. the only way to lose at the game of life is to stop playing.

[sss8789]

I know this kind of sounds stupid and one of my friends thinks its wierd, but write down questions and just keep writing them down and let my mind flow. I find this is very relaxing, it gets my mind going, and I find that it gets my mind off of things. I have spend hours of just writing questions and you'd be surprised on where your mind takes you. But I like to do this... just a tip

[Hexa]

Random suggestion but have you ever thought of moving but providing as much support (i.e. sending the money and talking over the phone) just so you can put a valve on how OFTEN you are dealing with it,