DJnargile Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Why does the river have to be so deep, so wide, so sickly sweetly sized to see the banks of safety and security, and you're stuck swimming in the center. Reeling, half-drowning, getting a glimpse of the great gardens as you gradually gravitiate through the grey waters towards what you know will be your final gift. The gift each is given and can see only once, the simple plunge, plagueing mortal man to pursue a non-platonic pleasure that can't be called just a peice. But wait, an anchor, a savior, a band of brilliance resting on all sides of the bit of flesh it resides on. Reach for the round bit of respite, recoiling randomly away from your fingertips. The moment has passed, a singular source of sadness sinking deep into your stomach seeking your core, the creepy center that has been catatonic so long that you don't think another creature could ever again make you catch your breath, catch your heart in your throat, a real catch, The Catch, the one with whom you drift down the dreary waters doubly glad that you have each other to die for.<insert thoughts here> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvansLight Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 ... Im gonna have to read that when im not on drugs... But if its any consolation while im drugged up it made my head hurt XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cybersist Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 (edited) Its deep. I got many things out of it, but none that make too much sense right now. They might later after I read this 30 more times. I'm sensing religious undertones, mostly....is this an actual poem for school? sounds like an AP Eng would read and spend a good 3 days on Edited January 13, 2008 by Cybersist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erufiku Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 If it's a poem, why not split it into stanzas?Unless it's automatic writing...I'll keep my opinion to myself b/c I vehemently hate poetry in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarryTheHookaMaster Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 What the hell are you smoking???? Thats some deep shit....must be Tangiers!LOL!Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechAnt Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 From the looks of it, free verse type poem. What I got from it, it looks like its about a love at first sight sort of thing how the feeling of love washes over someone and reaching for the "gardens" and such all leading to the end which says something about being glad that you have each other to die for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhishPhood Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 (edited) Definitely religious. I would say the water is representative of this earth and our time on it. Water flows in one direction, or us aging. They dark gray waters symbolize the devil and his temptations? The final gift would be going to heaven?I think "gardens" is referring to eden or the ideal place and all that jazz..The having eachother to die for might be that jesus gave his life for us, and in the end we give it to be with him?I dont know... I hate this kinda stuff and I'm not the least bit religious, so everything I said is based on what those crazy bible beaters believe.. hope that helps somewhat. Whats the assignment? Edited January 13, 2008 by PhishPhood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJnargile Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Lol, wow. I love how out of one piece of writing people can get so many totally different views of it. Actually, this is something I wrote a little over a year ago in about 15 minutes that I cam across on an old blog and got me thinkin again. I had just gotten out of a rough relationship, and I think it was about how life sucks and how love is supposed to make it worthwhile. So good call Mech, and Phish. I had someone tell me this totally sucked. I couldn't tell if the idea or the writing was the problem....*shrugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechAnt Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yay for my good genes with writing. Anyway, it is good. The only reason people said it sucked is cause they can't ever imagine writing something that deep and it is a litlte bit thick. So DJ, no worries, its good just thick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarryTheHookaMaster Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 It is well written...deep as hell and well written!HarryI still say its Tangiers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Atkins Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Go easy on the alliteration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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