Some Advice

[zeppyrkr]

Alright here it goes this has been bottled up for more then 3 months now ... please dont comment anything if your going to be an ass or something thanks...

so my and my gf were each others first loves, it was so perfect and great and i was so happy(dated for year and 1/2). about 4 months ago she started to become good friends with this other kid, and finally after they started hanging out way to much for my liking i talked to her about and we decided on a break. note to everyone this is not what i wanted why i said we should idk, but later that day she ranted about how she didn't like the term break? and she broke up with me... okay so her friends come running to me cause they really liked me or i thought i have no idea. So they tell me all this inside story about how she is starting to like this other kid. About a week later she tells me the kid asked her out, i flipped and broke down told her about how her friends said all this stuff and then she realized i talked to her friends behind her back which ruined our trust and whats the perfect excuse to say yes to this kid and blame it on me. So time goes on and she constantly calls and tells me she loves me still and that shes not happy, so im thinking okay break up with this kid and she tells me shes trying ect. Ive just now realized this has been going on for 3 months. I cant let go, i try so hard but everytime she says shes not happy or anytime she calls me she knows exactly what to say to destroy everything im working on to make my self better. Im depressed and still lover her, part of me hates her, she left and abandoned me and hurt me more then any one in this world but what hurts the most is i would still die for her (kid of stole that from a song but *** its very true!) god my life is messed up.

any advice or stories to cheer me up, and i know most of you will be like "yo leave that bitch dude!, but you have no idea what this is like then ... Edited March 4, 2008 by zeppyrkr

[Toxik916]

ok my girlfriend and I are in the same boat as you are, except I left her and we eventually got back together. I honestly wish I was single again. Its hard to explain I still love her but im not in love with her, if you get back with her it might be the same case that I'm in. Bottom line is that the spark that was there is not there any more I've tried to fall back in love but it is just gone for me. Honestly if she left once why would she not leave again for someone else? Edited March 4, 2008 by Toxik916

[Johnny_D]

Whilst one would not suggest to 'leave this bitch' one does suggest that you are flogging a dead horse.

I'm afraid this happens, does happen and will probably happen again. You need to learn to control your life and take the lead! You cannot be holding onto a girls shirt tales for ever.

All this shows is that you are too emotionally tied up with her. Learn to live with yourself. Seriously. Take time out and don't date anyone for a while. Once you can stand [Emotionally] on your own two feet then you will not be in a situation like this again.

Sometimes you just have to be a man about it.

JD. Edited March 4, 2008 by Johnny_D

[racemyghost]

Im curious about something. You say everytime you get back on your feet and have your life straightened out, she finds a way to get you down again.

WHY DO YOU EVEN ANSWER THE CALL? I cant believe its been going on for 3months. At this point, she is using you. Does she call you when she is happy with the other kid? Or does she only call when she is upset...

You just have to be strong and keep your feet planted to the ground. If you really dont want to put up with this anymore, you need to let her know that and that she needs to stop calling. If she does call,ignore it. Why should she break your heart and go running off with someother kid and expect you to be there when she needs you? Doesnt work like that (at least in my book).

[DRainh2o]

I had a girlfriend for 3 years from highschool almost through college and the same sort of situation came about. It is hard and sucks and part of you will always love her, but once trust is broken I am a firm believer that you can't take back actions. Actions speak louder than words and if she is saying she doesn't want to be with the guy and isn't happy but stays with him, it can't be true. It is more like she is unsure of the guy and wants to keep you on stand by just in case. That isn't fair to you and you shouldn't put yourself through that. I eventually cut all ties (which was extremely hard since I worked with my ex too) and it made me much better and a stronger person for it. My advice would be to be selfish and make yourself happy because if you go back to her there will always be that "what if" scenario and it won't be the same no matter how much you want it to be. First instincts are usually good even if you don't know why you reacted a certain way.

Just my 2 cents on the subject. Edited March 4, 2008 by DRainh2o

[ahwahoo2006]

I'm guessing you are still in high school from all the talk about going back and forth between her and her friends. Man up and get over it - I know that sounds harsh, but seriously, you will have so many more chances in your life. College, especially, is a gold mine of women (whether you are just looking for a bed for one night or a long-term deal). Why limit yourself to obsessing over this one girl? I understand that it hurts, but you have to accept the fact that it is over and move on. You will just get hurt even more by trying to hold on to her, or, even worse, becoming her emotional whore (aka that guy who the girl comes crying to every time she sleeps with some asshole loser). Your first love is always hard to get over, so is your second, and your third, etc. Part of growing up and maturing, however, is accepting when a relationship is over and moving on with your life and learning something from the experience.

[AKammenzind]

Sorry to hear about that, I've been that same situation twice. Both times I spent months trying to get it to work (about 9 months one time... before I even realized it), but even after we got back together it simply didn't. Every time we went out afterwards it just felt awkward, like somehow we shouldn't be doing it, or like... I can't really explain, it's before 9 AM and I haven't smoked or had my coffee, or even tea!

Basically, I've found that it's best to try and focus on other things for a few months. Hang out with friends a lot, get addicted to an MMO, take up bushcraft... anything. After a while you'll find another girl that catches your eye, and don't let yourself be held back by memories of the last one. Just go for it.

Oh, and avoid your ex's mother. I've had two of them try to get with me in the past...

[zeppyrkr]

thanks for not being to mean about it guys, i guess i didn't explain one thing to well, she calls me multiple times a day, ive tried so many times to cut it off and ill plan on it call her, and then by the end of the convo i realize that were still where we were. She is very manipulative and knows what to say and im always a sucker for it. i guess im going to have to try harder, it sucks that shes going to make me feel like the asshole for not talking to her. any ways thanks again i needed to hear stories like this.

also , no im not in hs Edited March 4, 2008 by zeppyrkr

[AKammenzind]

thanks for not being to mean about it guys, i guess i didn't explain one thing to well, she calls me multiple times a day, ive tried so many times to cut it off and ill plan on it call her, and then by the end of the convo i realize that were still where we were. She is very manipulative and knows what to say and im always a sucker for it. i guess im going to have to try harder, it sucks that shes going to make me feel like the asshole for not talking to her. any ways thanks again i needed to hear stories like this.

also , no im not in hs

Geeze, I had the exact same thing going on with a girl I dated what, 2 1/2 years back... her name happen to be Lauren?

[ahwahoo2006]

also , no im not in hs

I apologize for assuming.

she calls me multiple times a day, ive tried so many times to cut it off and ill plan on it call her, and then by the end of the convo i realize that were still where we were.

You have a few options

1) Don't answer the phone when she calls. Don't listen to her messages. Don't call her.
2) If you don't think you have the self-control for the previous option, call your phone company and ask to have her number blocked. They will do this for free or for a small charge - but it will be worth it.

You need to step back and not put yourself in positions where she can manipulate you or your emotions. Take some responsibility. Edited March 4, 2008 by ahwahoo2006

[rockchick04]

also , no im not in hs

I apologize for assuming.

she calls me multiple times a day, ive tried so many times to cut it off and ill plan on it call her, and then by the end of the convo i realize that were still where we were.

You have a few options

1) Don't answer the phone when she calls. Don't listen to her messages. Don't call her.
2) If you don't think you have the self-control for the previous option, call your phone company and ask to have her number blocked. They will do this for free or for a small charge - but it will be worth it.

You need to step back and not put yourself in positions where she can manipulate you or your emotions. Take some responsibility.

I definitely agree with the options here. She sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too by keeping you on the back burner. Like people have said, if it's not this guy, it'll be someone else.. and you'll keep getting hurt because of it, so I would just cut her out of my life. Like you said, she knows exactly what to do and say to hook you back into being attached to her, so don't answer those phone calls. Hopefully that will send her a message that you don't want to take BS and you'll eventually have space to move on too.

It's tough, but I wish you the best of luck!