Depression Ftl

[Victim026]

I've never really known what to do about what I deem my "depression". I've always felt like it's just to much of a burden to deal with, and I hate the thought of people feeling bad for me. I've gone through so many changes over the last three years within my family. In october of 2005 My father was brutally attacked and was shot twice in the head and somehow managed to survive it. Needless to say he's not the person he was before due to all the damage that was done and I effectively feel like I've lost him as a father for good. I packed on almost 35 pounds in the 2 months after that occured and since then I've added another 30 pounds to that. My mother was extremely concerned about me due to the fact that for the longest time I couldn't even bear to see or be in the same room with my dad anymore. She ended up sending me to a psychologist about 4 months after my Dad's incident. I went to the guy 3 times and felt like I was getting nowhere with him, he just seemed like an idiot so I never went back to see the guy again. My personal situation has only gotten worse since that time, I ended up losing my Mother in August of 2007 to a heart problem she was born with(although the doctor did say that a "broken heart" over my father more then likely was a strong contributer to her condition deteriorating in the 2 years after my dad's injury. For the past 3 years now I've felt alone, I don't feel like going out and doing anything most of the time, I've thought alot about death(although not about suicide or the like), I've hated the idea of having to go to work and have done everything I can to avoid it, I have issues falling asleep and keep odd hours(usually dont go to bed until 3 or 4am and wake up within 5-6 hours), and the only thing that really keeps my going is my girlfriend(although she constantly reminds me it's getting harder and harder to see me like this everyday). Unfortunately I've hit a point where I really need the help but don't really know where to turn for it, it doesn't help that my money situation wouldn't allow me to afford care anyways.

[Canon]

you can always go to any church of any religion and youll have someone to talk to person to person

[SixPackSunday]

maybe we should all go scientology? lol


but for me... i find its not about drinking(although that helped for the time i was drinking, i wasnt about to ALWAYS be drinking)... but about just taking time to catch up with friends and relax not by myself.... which has been rough with the house arrest... mostly the chat on here has kept me from sitting around hating my life...

best of luck to everybody

[SixPackSunday]

btw... you guys ever read post secrets? they have a website and four books... REALLY amazing stuff... some sad, some funny, but it always helps me put shit in perspective

[Apoc Genesis]

I also used to be very depressed. But this was a result of over medication for a bunch of made-up disseases, and my experience has made the subject of medicine rather bitter for me. Thank you Ritalin! =)

You body talks to itself with chemicals. Its efficient if it works right, but seeing as how chemicals don't reason very well they can really mess things up if we say "I really would like to do something fun tonight" and our body's internal email churns out "Memo to all employees: this friday night will consist primarily of jack daniels and crying. Mood should be mainly angry with undertones of very, very sad. Thank you--Managment"

I dont know much about homeopathic remedies, I got out of my rut by meditation and the realization that me feeling like shit was not actually me as a person but rather some asshole sending bad messages through my internal email. Once you realize that, they get ALOT easier to ignore.

Step it up ninja! =) i know you will!

[Speak_In_Vowels]

hey mark,

im sorry that you're goin through so much shit man, i really didn't know all that until i just read it.

you know im always here for ya bro, if you ever need someone to talk to cause i know what depression is too bro, 

i can't really give you the answer or miracle you're looking for and neither can any of the others on this forum, because everyone goes through things differently.

HOWEVER, THIS COMMUNITY IS A FAMILY, and im sure any of us would be more than willing to help you out in any way that we can.

whether it be just talking or chillin to take your mind of shit man. 



so honestly if you EVER need anything bro, im here for you man, and i really mean that.

if it wouldn't have been for all the people who helped me little by little along the way i think i would have gone insane by now.



someone once told me "it has to get worse to get better" and i believe in that statement from experience with all that i am.

just know that im praying for you man.



on a brighter note: we need to cheeeel like now style.

[gaia.plateau]

I don't think it's possible to be depressed after that last pic combo, gaia

That's what I'm here for, brother.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Random quick update - I've been conciously meditating to center my thoughts and emotions over the last few days and it has been helping ALOT. Realistically, I tend to sabotage my happiness in fear of the possible fall that could come and ruin any success or happiness atained, so my programmed reaction is to stay depressed, missing out on life, but staying "safe" from hurting and being revealed as a "fake". Ridiculous since it has not worked the whole destructive time I've tried this method, and I know the answer is to really just live my life actively, without regret, persuing what I feel is best for me and my loved ones.

It's been liberating coming to better realize that I can control the direction my life heads in and my existence and happiness don't have to depend on other people or present circumstances. I'm very interested in always striving to be better in life and I'm really hoping that I can gain some foward momentum in positive decision making to start digging me out of this rut. ALOT of work to do, I hope I can string together a decent amount of time in this mindset so it becomes natural and I don't just quit as I tend to do when things get tough.

Gotta - lose the weight I've put on in the last 5 years, keep dedicated to the hobbies I am passionate about and realize that it's OKAY if they fulfill me and make me happy, and be okay with who I am now, not just long for who I want to be eventually, enjoying the journey not just striving for an outcome.

Sometimes you just gotta post some random thoughts.....

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Victim - you ever want to talk or chat lemme know, sometimes us depressed folks can help eachother more than you would know lol.

I've been in many selfdestructive phases of depression before so I understand though I'm truly very sorry your circumstances are so extreme. The fact that you are here even contributing to an online society is a testament to strength imo. I don't think I would handle things as well as you seem to be. As long as we keep trying we'll push through to the other side and make it, I do believe that, coming from the verge of insanity at one point in my younger days there were times I didn't think I'd make it nearly as far as I've come even with as many issues as I still have. Major props for sharing such intimate pain with us man. And I want your hookah collection btw, damn nice selection

[Stuie]

Victim, man if I lived down closer you could crash at my place. I did attempt suicide just after high school. One day I might tell the story. I have been there in your state, my girlfriend at the time really did help me out, so much, she even agreed to marry me...crazy lady. If she is lurking on here... I LOVE YOU HONEY! I do get to Austin from time to time, maybe I can leave the wife with her family and head down and hang out. Hit me up any time brother. I have been there.

Mark, glad to know things are getting better.

Personally I am heading back closer to depression, money issues do that to you. Guys we are in it together.

I know a lot of guys and I am so willing to talk to anyone, just shoot me a PM or IM.

Buy the way if anyone knows how to get "Mental Days" like sick days in the working world, let me know. Sometimes we just need a day off to reflect on ourselves without the burden of our 9-5.

[skatesteak]

drinking is the worst problem solver unless you are having fun while drinking. if you are drinking to get rid of a problem most likely you are in a very shit mood. alcohol adds to that mood, retarding your judgement, making you drink more, and totaly fucking you up.

as for problems and depression, i find myself often thinking outside the box that is our immediate world.

you can get yourself out of any situation if you really wanted to. and when problems "get really bad"

just think about how small we are just little things running around a tiny earth floating through the

vastness of space. its not science fiction in anyway. it is the truth that is the easiest to use at times

when you have problems that seem so important and life changing and with out a way out. just

close your eyes and zoom out of your body past the roof past the clouds past the atmosphere past

the solar system and so on. we are nothing and our problems are nothing. And now that our problems

are nothing, the only way to go is up and make something of ourselves. someone asked about finding

a hobby; make that hobby a constructive one. find something that doesn't just repeat itself but has

a lot of potential to grow. i feel like i skipped all the "teenage depressions" due to my hobbies. i

interested myself in self learning guitar, taking apart electronics and making simple robotics (you'll

be surprised at the benefits of that hobby), designing and making models of machines and buildings,

skateboarding and snowboarding. with all these things you simply don't find the time to find every

crappy thing about your life that amounts to depression. productive hobbies leave you with nothing

but feelings of being able to constantly improve and amazing feelings of accomplishment even within

the smallest and simplest successions. just think of depression as something in your head that you

can combat with very little effort in your way of thinking. if its only in your head, then why not

take it out of your head and fill the space with positive thoughts. just think a bit differently everyday

until you gain complete control of your mind. the mind is yours to control, nobody elses, and although

meds can help they IN MY OPINION should not be relied on. if you feel depressed, again IN MY

OPPINION (as i would imagine it as i am not a doctor YEt and am only in highschool), if you feel

depressed that is the result of your brains overstimulation of the organ responsible for the hormones

that make you feel down and sick to your stomack and any effects of depression. if you just relax the

mind, change your lifestyle, change your views on life, little by little each day, the brain will get used

to producing the fun hormones and will overtime abandon the need to produce the sad hormones. a

productive hobbie will realy help if my view is right. this is the simplest example i have so deal with it,

as well as open your mind to new ideas and other people's point of view. say you were to take up

skateboarding or snoboarding. you will fall and you will fail more often than you will succeed at first.

however when you do start seeing improvement, even the slightest, you become happy and ignore all

falling and failing. this becomes more and more defined as you learn more tricks and have more fun.

sure you have bad days where nothing works but now you find yourself able to deal with it because

know that you can do better the next day. you learn to appreciate the smalled of successions in

your life as well as your home and your kids, or even being able to afford the food you buy. it will

give you the motivation in perhaps improving your way of life or your career because you can now

see the potenial of the good that comes out of a little hard or extra work or dedication of time.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

no offense dude but that sounds like nothing but avoidance to me. I guess it can be hard for some to comprehend that depression can be out of a persons control no matter how hard they try to find a cure through selfimprovement or journeying into outer space in their mind.....

Weird post man weird post, and I almost couldn't read through it because of the random spaces between every 2 sentances.

[skatesteak]

well in that case you may be right and i am sure i dont understand what you are going through. in most cases real help and medication is the only help. i guess my answer would apply to all the kids who think that their lives suck and who are quick to turn to self harm because of a few bad days and experiences and situations. im not saying avoid and ignore it if you have a real problem but what i try to do is change the course of thinking of people before they get so lost in their own self loathing beliefs that they think theres no way out. mental problems do exist and should be treated however i hate useing the term mental problem because it may make some people feel bad about themselves and that is no way my motive to single people out and group them together according to problems. best of luck to you all (and i figured the spacing would help the message to be read clearer)

[Stuie]

man it's hitting me hard this week, yeah i know it's only tuesday, and I can't get into the doc till next tuesday. and I am broke till thursday and can't afford new bass strings...damn...f@$#*)# depression.

[Scoop]

if you guys want to change and feel better without meds, i would personally recommend reading http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Makers-Industr...0690&sr=8-1

talks alot about specific foods and how they affect your brain (ie caffeine, msg, glutamatic acids...etc)
makes a lot of sense and dont listen to the nay-sayers until youve read it.
personally im not a fan of pharm meds so id do anything that would avoid them.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Thanks for the positive contribution Scoop! Nature can do good things to boost your mood if you know what to do with it.

Hang in there Stuie!

Update - I started working a little more heavily in the music realm, I have a new partner in hip hop crime coming over on Friday night to lace some beats I'm making with intricately woven sickass verses of awesomeness, so thats helping a bit since I'm reaching for goals I've had for quite sometime. We should release a fee ep at some point in the future and if it actually comes to that point I'll post it up.

Who knew working on something you love and improving a craft could help so much?

[ToncSTAR]

You just gotta remember to keep your head up. When Im depressed I try to think that someone else around the world has it worst than I do. And that my situation isnt really as bad as i thought it was.

[NUBBS]

Hey everybody my name is Zach and Im depressed. Ive been dealing with depression for about 10 years now. My main problem is I never talk to anyone about it, I really wish I could, [I think this counts as talking about it huh?] Well Ive had a history of anger issues since a child and was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome[I poop too much] triggered by anxiety 12 years ago and missed out on 5 grades of friends at school because I had to stay at home. Luckily I got to go back to school my entire senior year of high school. Basically, I was nervous of school because I had to use the bathroom so much and the kids would tease me. It’s a long story. And now as an adult I have the nervousness about getting a “real” job. I have hobbies, and have had previous hobbies I lost interest in. Now, I have meds that are working awesome controlling my nerves. But, my other problem is I concentrate most of my life on other people and when I think about myself I cant help but hate myself and think about suicide almost everyday. I don’t think I could ever do that to my friends and family. But if I did It would be to show how under-appreciated I am. I have seen a psych but haven’t told anyone of importance about my suicidal tendencies [awesome band]. Only now do I feel the need to seek help. I feel like I have no self-worth. I enjoy everyone’s support and compliments, but still when it comes down to thinking about myself, its normally negative[but all true].



I guess I should thank everyone for letting me vent.

[sss8789]

It wierd reading about this I have only talked to my girlfriend about my depression and it almost feels like I am the only one who is depressed sometimes its nice to see other people think as I do.NUBBS I know how you feel but I have never talked to any doctor about it because I am antisocial and don't like to talk much to people I don't know. I know how it feels to feel worthless or feel like you can't do anything right. Just wanted to say you all are not alone. Edited October 21, 2008 by sss8789

[ShadowsHaze]

Giant ,

I get the feeling I'm somewhat depressed too sometimes, but I'm sure some part of me is in denial of the big picture. I think I have been since I was young. I was always the outcast and it always felt like other people were alienating me, but I realized eventually that it was me alienating myself from other people, and (spur of the moment thought:) maybe it was a self-destructive behavior.

I think what helped the most for me was finding a new way to live in terms of a mindset. I believed for a long period of time that I couldn't control my life, but like you I realized that I could, and that definitely put things in perspective for me and set me down another, much better, path.

Looking at the responses here and all, I realize too that I had (and still have) too much time on my hands. Even though for the most part I put it to good use mentally by thinking philosophically about many things, I still feel like I don't have a purpose to my life and I feel it's a combination of my surroundings and my somewhat-present laziness. (I hate to use that word, but putting it in a blunt way works best.) That's something I know I really need to work on. (Maybe I should work in a hookah bar! )

Things that I found that help me are comedy, music and compassionate friends.
As for comedy, YouTube is heaven. Find a few comedians you like (some of my favorites include Russell Peters and Jeff Dunham) and/or find old-school comedians and find their old acts (i.e. Bill Cosby). Also, laugh all you like at me, but some of the old Ernie and Bert skits make me laugh larder than any comedian. (Again, YouTube is the best!)
In terms of music, almost anything is good. Basically whatever floats your boat. I do suggest you give Kid Rock's new album (Rock n' Roll Jesus) a chance though. If you like him, find other Southern Rock artists that suit your tastes and have at 'em!
For friends, both friends in person and friends on the internet are great. When I had self-esteem issues both types of friends really helped me find my way. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Ah yes, and don't forget to forget about that macho-style attitude in today's society. People break down every once in a while and they do cry. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, most women like a man who shows emotion. Even though I don't like what sets off crying, I love nothing more than having a girl hug me and just letting me talk it out with them. It brings the two sexes together in a way. (Yes, I always try to find something good in something bad... Ever have a girl put your head on her chest in a way that wasn't sexual but emotional? It's lovely... ) Edited October 22, 2008 by ShadowsHaze

[NUBBS]

It wierd reading about this I have only talked to my girlfriend about my depression and it almost feels like I am the only one who is depressed sometimes its nice to see other people think as I do.NUBBS I know how you feel but I have never talked to any doctor about it because I am antisocial and don't like to talk much to people I don't know. I know how it feels to feel worthless or feel like you can't do anything right. Just wanted to say you all are not alone.

Mainly the reason I dont say anything is because I know as soon as I say the "s" word everyone will treat me different. Also I have this feeling that if I do it, it will be like "You never realize what you have until its gone." My ultimate goal in life is to be happy, and I havent been for years. I was for most of my senior year of high school.

[Johnny_D]

It wierd reading about this I have only talked to my girlfriend about my depression and it almost feels like I am the only one who is depressed sometimes its nice to see other people think as I do.NUBBS I know how you feel but I have never talked to any doctor about it because I am antisocial and don't like to talk much to people I don't know. I know how it feels to feel worthless or feel like you can't do anything right. Just wanted to say you all are not alone.

Mainly the reason I dont say anything is because I know as soon as I say the "s" word everyone will treat me different. Also I have this feeling that if I do it, it will be like "You never realize what you have until its gone." My ultimate goal in life is to be happy, and I havent been for years. I was for most of my senior year of high school.

If your seriously feeling that way go and see someone. It's that -ing simple.

I had a really bad day today. But you learn to live with it and move on otherwise it's a self fulfilling procefity

[Giant Ninja Robot]

I agree with the self-fulfilling prophesy part of what JD said.

It's very easy to get ahead of the depression, so to speak, so that you are making sure you stay in it by cutting off the potential sources of happiness and ways out you may have at your disposal ahead of time, I do it all the time.

Nubbs I'm here for you man

JD where the hell have you been?

I have a conspiracy theory than the mods have collectively decided to cut back on posting and chatting and stick more to the responsibility side of things which is why you guys have been so inactive on the boards and in chat as of late.

DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!!!!! (it's true isn't it?)

[indian_villager]

Depression comes and goes. Its mostly a winter thing for me. Just feeling overwhelmed at times. I'm partially socially retarded when it comes to the real world and I think that's where part of it stems from. But I find my relief in hobbies. I used to make fireworks back in the day (as in actually building the fireworks). That cheered me up a hell of a lot. Now I don't even have that because I have no time for it as I dorm and school takes up some of my weekend time. Don't have a girlfriend, but there is this girl I like but I am far too chickenshit to ask her out due to fear of rejection......I'm 2:2 when it comes to rejection.

But yea folks depression sucks, I beat it by means of hobbies and starting to interact more with people. This whole mini phunnel thing...even though hectic has actually made me happy.

The worst thing you could do is pick up any substance to try and cure your depression. This includes your hookahs! Hell get out there and go do something you enjoy. Take that chance, the worst that could happens is you get shot down...but thats better than living in fear of what could happen........The hell with it....I'm going to ask her out!

[NUBBS]

I agree with the self-fulfilling prophesy part of what JD said.

It's very easy to get ahead of the depression, so to speak, so that you are making sure you stay in it by cutting off the potential sources of happiness and ways out you may have at your disposal ahead of time, I do it all the time.

Nubbs I'm here for you man

JD where the hell have you been?

I have a conspiracy theory than the mods have collectively decided to cut back on posting and chatting and stick more to the responsibility side of things which is why you guys have been so inactive on the boards and in chat as of late.

DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!!!!! (it's true isn't it?)

Ninja, you dont have a lovely chest for me to lay on. As you put it before. Im just surrounded with negativity(sp), frustration, and anger. Im looking forward to Halloween though.

JD, Im just glad I finally said something, even if it is online where only some know me. Thats more than I could say before.

All I can say is Hookah and friends is the greatest vent I have found. I never get mad when I smoke.