Depression Ftl

[Big Boss]

I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I'm thinking of going back on meds,as I just don't feel I'm stable enough for my kids, but have started taking St. John's Wart as of a few days ago in a trial capacity. Anyone have info about it? I have heard it used to be perscribed in the early 90s but was taking sales away from other antidepression meds, true or false? Has it worked for anyone?

Anyone elso sick and tired of feeling negative and frankly, like shit, on and off, ad infinitum?

This can be here on out known as the "Eeyore thread"

Thank you, Mark

You and me both, brother. I've lived with depression (and anxiety/panic attacks) for most of my adult life. It can really ruin your social abilities (getting out to meet people) and the like. I remember, when I was a 3rd year art student, I had to withdraw from all my classes because of my depression. The panic attacks were the worst. It's never a dull (or fun) day when your flight or fight response turns on at full blast for no reason. Honestly, the only way I can describe it is that it feels like you're dying. A "hippie" friend of mine said to me once, when I told him what it was like, "Man, I'd like to experience that." I was so stunned that he said that, all I could say was "No, man, you don't." I just didn't care back then, about anything, and my grades took a nose dive. I was so bad that year that a close friend of mine decided to ask me if I enjoyed being sad. All I could say was "No. But I know sadness very well, just like a close friend or brother." What bothers me the most is that a lot of people just don't understand it. We just can't "get over it" or ignore it. I'm blessed in that I've had a relatively happy life ever since then (that happened about 4 years ago) and even though my life isn't where I'd like to to be right now I am not depressed. I know my life will get better and that this is just a flat tire on my way to happiness. I'm off my meds as well, but I really haven't felt the need for them for a good while. Also, when I take my meds I am unable to drink alcohol (and socializing/drinking with my friends is quite important to me.) Depression isn't something that goes away. Hell, this cloud will always hover over me. I guess I'm lucky enough that this storm cloud isn't big enough to derail me. Anyways... I guess I just wanted to say that I know what you're going through and that I know it isn't always easy. Hang in there, buddy.

[yota8]

Ive overdosed, almost died, then life was better...

Don't know what happend
But i smoke alot, and i think i do it cause in the back of my mind i know its killing me :/

[Rayneuki]

It's not something completely fixed with actions, even when I was at the peak of my game, healthy as an ox, and volunteering literally 5-7 days a week it was lurking in the background if not actively affecting me. I was diagnosed but I don't remember if it was chemical or not. I'm starting to think it might be, hence wanting to go back to meds, I just can't stand what Paxil, Risperdol, and Depakote did to me, zombified 3-4 years of my life.

I'm currently getting into better shape through excercise, letting my creative juices out through music, starting back into volunteering, and doing what I can to take what I can't change and accept it for what it is while changing what I can, but through experience I know it's not enough.

Thanks for the suggestion though.

What crack-pot gave you risperdol for DEPRESSION? That's an anti-psychotic/seizure medication. I was on it for a while, schizophrenia really sucks. I have PTSD, Paranoid Schizophrenia, and the wonderful Manic Depression (Aka Bipolar disorder)

I'm on Welbutrun (Smoking med, haha. It has this side-effect of making people really jittery and angry... but it makes me calmer because of my imbalances...) some random Depression med that starts with a C. It's in the same family of Zoloft and others.

After saying all this... All I can say is, when I was suicidal I found that I had to attatch myself to something to get over it. It was usualy "If I kill myself, no one will take care of my cat... and she'll die..." Then I felt bad about thinking about killing myself.

I cut for a period of time. Stopped after some serious thinking... and some life-changing circumstances. I dunno... I usually curl up and sleep when I get all depressed... or immerse myself in something hard to do. But at the same time I go from Manic (I AM ALL POWERFUL I CAN DO EVERYTHING! and ANGER) to Depressed (v_v)

Anyhow, hold on... There's no reason to let go.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Funny enough, there was a study done on risperdal in the recent past that exposed some side effects in teens that I was plagued with. Was found to drastically increase the chance of getting diabetes in those who are already susceptible to it and grows breast tissue in males.

BOTH issues occured within a year of being on the med, I was 14.

If there's ever a class action I'm joining it, no hesitation.

Sorry to hear you deal with major crap Rayne, but I'm glad you seem to have a handle on things for the most part. I haven't been legitimately suicidal in a long time, usuallt my defense is to curl into myself and sleep or just stay away from everything/one.

Getting in shape is really helping me stabilize my moods, I just need to watch myself at home with my family. I figure the best I can do right now is attack using al the methods I know to help with mood stabilization and build up positive coping mechanisms.

[zeppyrkr]

small world, i also have depression, i didn't read all the post im sure i will but had to just get my story out first. so i was tested and treated for depression when i was 16 im now 20. i stay on the meds for about 2 months before i had enough. i kind of just man it out now, i went through a nht phase, thats gone though considering so many people are against it, honestly the only reason i dont do it anymore is the sear fact that its illegal. now i hookah, and buy stuff. I always think that a new game or gadget will make my life so much better and it never does it actually makes it worse because i spend to much money. anyways i think it affects just about everyone at least a little. we all have enough strength you just need to believe in yourself.

peace.

[Rayneuki]

Funny enough, there was a study done on risperdal in the recent past that exposed some side effects in teens that I was plagued with. Was found to drastically increase the chance of getting diabetes in those who are already susceptible to it and grows breast tissue in males.

BOTH issues occured within a year of being on the med, I was 14.

If there's ever a class action I'm joining it, no hesitation.

Sorry to hear you deal with major crap Rayne, but I'm glad you seem to have a handle on things for the most part. I haven't been legitimately suicidal in a long time, usuallt my defense is to curl into myself and sleep or just stay away from everything/one.

Getting in shape is really helping me stabilize my moods, I just need to watch myself at home with my family. I figure the best I can do right now is attack using al the methods I know to help with mood stabilization and build up positive coping mechanisms.

Wow, I would join in too. I've had severe migraines and blood sugar problems ever since I took it. I was around 14 when I took it too, my doctor told me that they had to watch carefully because it could cause rhye's syndrome (that thing that happens when you give kids asprin or whatever.) The only reason I got off of it was because on about 25mg my whole left side would twitch uncontrollably. My calf muscles would seize up, it was like a charley horse from hell. It would also knock me out, make me sleep with no dreams. I remember it, and I hated it.

I'm much better now, Hookah helps me when I get all Manic-y and my boyfriend helps me when I'm all depress-y.

I need to loose weight. Maybe I can fit into my sexy skirt if I do.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

sexy skirt FTW!

[NUBBS]

I have been looking for a job for a little over a year now. Nobody will hire me, and I got in some trouble earlier this year for shoplifting because I cant afford anything. I have $6.57 in the bank. I dont go to school anymore. Its gotten to the point where I dont even want to smoke hookah from time to time. I really wnat to. I have more important things to do. I cant fuckin afford christmas for anyone. I even wanted to go out on Black friday so I could afford shit, but couldnt.

I did have a breakdown and talked to my dad about my depression. Made a lot of progress, still dont feel any better.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Most importantly - You're not in a situation where potential homelessness is an issue are you? If so you need to let us know so we can help somehow. I was homeless once upon a time and you NEED to find help from someone who understands if that's the case.

BUT it sounds like it's possible you're living at home which I hope in this circumstance is the case.

My thoughts? Keep looking for a job, in the meanwhile, make your art. But make it with a financial goal in mind. I know you painted those canvases for Snoop, I'm sure you could expound on that experience Nubbs.

Yer in Cali, if you need a reference at a Trader Joe's you can use me

Good luck man, and in NO way belittling your challenges remember, there are many people on this planet who have it much worse than we American's do. I've been third world and seen it and it helps with perspective sometimes...just a thought.

Thanks for the post and for the trust

[Kathrynx]

I'm bumping this.

I'm not depressed, but I'm worried about my friend. Her mother committed suicide.

Being a mortician, I should be able to look at this psycologically, but I'm at a loss for words.

My friend won't see anyone, and is sitting in her apartment...alone...even her boyfriend who lives here was told to go somewhere else to stay.

Reality hasn't hit her yet, I haven't spoken to her directly, only through another friend and its on her myspace blog (a short, depressing read).

We talk on the phone when we can. She has a younger sister who is probably crying out of her mind right now. Her dad divorced her mom long ago, and there was bad blood between them. Her mom was in the psych ward for quite a while, and people always compared my friend to her mom very closely. Its only been in recent years that they have gotten along better than when she lived in her mothers house.

My friend had so many things to tell her mother, but never got around to it, and that is seriously bothering her, as it would anyone with secrets to tell your own mother who you wanted (more than anything) total acceptance from. What makes this worse is that my friend in a way saw it coming, and didn't say those things, or tell her sister that she saw the warning signs...

She can't skip much work, she is the manager at a place I used to work, and the boss is out of town, in another country, so he isn't coming back any time soon.

What can I do when I'm so far away?

[mustang_steve]

I've struggled with depression for years, from household drama since I was a child (my home life was pretty f---ed up)....to relatioship issues, and now I'm getting down from being unemployed.

The biggest demon that people will face is themselves...I found myself in an emotional hole, and literally felt like there was no way out. A huge part of this was attacking myself emotionally by devaluing my abilities as a person. The best thing you can do as a friend is to let your friend know they can rely on you and more importantly confide in you. Sometimes it's just knowing someone out there truly loves you (actions, not just saying "i love you") that makes all the difference in the world.

As for what your friend can do for herself....she needs to find a way to constructively vent those feelings, or to at least not deal with them for a while. That's where I am with my guitar and working on my car....the guitar is a vent, the car is an escape that's not self-destructive. Seeing the progress of the work I've done makes me feel SO much better....at least I know I have some control over my life, and that's enough to keep me going until I feel better. Perhaps you can take part in her hobbies, even if over the phone or internet, encourage her creative ability. By getting them to do activities like this, they will often realize what they can do if they set their mind on it, and that is their out from the hole.

Good luck.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

My life is really fucked up right now and I probably wont be online as much while I try to work things out. Thanks for the commiseration in this thread. It makes it easier to feel I'm not alone.

- Mark

[Dylank0010]

although I consider myself a generally happy person, everyone hits a wall now and then. i used to "medicate" by going for drives. though it's not possible for everyone, i highly recommend that anyone who is depressed buy a fun-to-drive convertible. any time i was having a shitty day i would jump in my my car, throw the top down and just drive with no purpose other than to enjoy the sun and the spool of a turbo. can't do that so much anymore as my baby is in maine and im in school in cali but i can honestly raise my heart rate to about 140bpm just thinking about how much i love my car and the experience of driving it. i have yet to find anything in this world that makes me happier and more fulfilled feeling than a beautiful day of driving with absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to be. just my .02, but to anyone who feels the need im usually always signed onto AIM if you feel the need to vent/shoot the shit/ w/e. although i'm not a veteran of this forum by any means and not that amazing at advice-giving, i consider myself to be an excellent listener and am here for any of you guys. as much as this forum has given me in terms of just having something to do, i'd love to return the favor.

[dafunk5446]

I had a real problem with depression when I first moved to the states. I knew NO one and had just graduated high school, and to top it all off I was really shy. I missed all of my friends and my girlfriend at the time. The first couple months were ok, then extreme boredom and loneliness set in. To top that off my girlfriend broke up with me, and the only friend I had (my cousin) started ditching me (cant blame the guy, he had a new girlfriend, and I'm sure my being around wasnt conducive to him getting some action). My parents (who are well off) didnt make me get a job either, so I was just sitting around a lot feeling sorry for myself. Then the downward spiral began. I started sleeping more and more and more (like 17 hours a day). I would sleep all day and be awake at night, so I didnt have to have contact with people. When I was awake I was eating, so in turn I put on some weight, which is never good for ones self esteem. I just let my self get in this rut. I was just feeling stuck and worthless. I then decided it was time to start working on my problems, so I started asking my cousin to introduce me to some of his friends. This helped some and I was starting to feel better about myself. I got a job and things started turning around. The only problem was these friends were doing things that are not to good for you (nothing major....at first). We were all just having fun and didnt think much of it. Well...like most habits, it got worse, we started progressing into worse and worse things. This brought back on the depression and boredom. I also had a girlfriend during this time and after we broke up it got really bad. About 2 years had gone by since I had moved to the states, and now I really was worried about myself. I had no self worth, I was stuck in a crowd I didnt want to be in, and I had thoughts of suicide. I decided it was time to end this cycle I had locked myself in once and for all. I broke off all ties with the people I was hanging out with, focused inward, and did alot of soul searching and positive thinking. I started to make friends at work and did a lot of hiking in the mountains to help me through my tough times. The physical exercise helped the most I would say. I lost weight and it gave me something to do. I remembered how much I used to love to go fishing with my dad when I was a kid (I hadn't been fishing in 12-13 years at this point). So I went to the library and got a book on fly fishing, and read up on it. I then bought a fly rod and taught myself how to fly fish. This turned out to be a great hobby for me. Tying flies gave me something to do inbetween hanging out with my new friends and hitting the trout streams in the mountains. It was a art form I could dedicate myself to. I know it seems silly but it was extremely rewarding when I could take some thread, fur, and feathers and tie it to a hook and catch a fish with it. I no longer felt depressed and had self confidence once again. I havent felt depressed in years now and I feel for all the people who are dealing with it. Just remember to remain positive (even though that is really hard to do), just reinforcing positive thoughts made a big difference. Try and find a hobby, something that will take up A LOT of your time. Learn new things, do stuff you wouldnt normally do. Get a dog or a cat, their company can make a huge difference. Try and make new friends, anything really that will take your mind off of your situation. It really is the worst thing to have to deal with, but sometimes we are the only ones who can pull ourselves out of the slumps we get in.

[ebarnes02]

I've been having some struggles lately. I had a lot of problems right after high school, i dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. Started drinking heavily, fought with my parents a lot. My relationship with my parents patched quite a bit ever since i moved out (its been 5 years), but i still have these periodic struggles with depression. I used to be in several bands and rode my bike a lot, but over the years i've stopped talking with certain people i knew, had close to $1000 of music equipment stolen from me, and moved out of the house i was living at. I've been moving pretty regularly on a yearly basis with my g/f of 4 years, i havent been playing music pretty much at all anymore and 2 months ago i got hit by a para-transit bus and fractured my knee cap and had my brand new bike totaled. I'm healing fine, but its been really hard to deal with over the last two months. I've fought with my g/f a lot, she's helped me, but she has her own set of issues. Everytime i pick my guitar these days it just depresses the hell out of me, because all of the people i played with back a few years ago, have been doing it continuously for the last 3-4 years and i haven't. In philly, we've been having such nice weather that all i've wanted to do is get out and ride my bike, but i can't. Meanwhile, everyone wants me to just go back to school, because thats what people do.

[mustang_steve]

Dafunk gets it....hobbies are what keeps a person sane, in a way. Hookah, as enjoyable as it is, doesn't really leave a sense of accomplishment like a sport or hobby will.

And by sport, I mean physical. Video gaming is NOT a sport, I don't care if there is a league for it or not...it's still a game....like Darts is. Go play some basketball, volleyball, tennia, golf....something to focus on, and more importantly, one often socializes during sports....which is one of the universal healers....social contact.

It's non-productive alone time that's harmful when depressed.

[coplinb]

Well, its my turn to post in this thread...3 weeks ago, I lost my job. Permanent layoff. FML. Now I have the awful joy of leeching on society with unemployment checks, the very thing that I have hated since I can remember. This is my first time not having a job since I was 15 years old. All I can say is that this really sucks. I have done nothing productive in 3 weeks because I have no money coming in at the moment. At least I have my hookah, but my stash will dwindle eventually and I will have to actually smoke AF Jasmine, never had it but it smells terrible. Im hoping that something will go right for me soon, im not the kind of person who enjoys sitting around and being useless. Im having a very hard time coping with the fact that my wife is bringing home the bacon now, but I guess everything happens for a reason and Im trying to be positive about it all. So theres my rant about being depressed, I hope i didnt make anyone depressed while reading this.

[clumsygrace]

I don't really believe in medication to treat depression. I think that's taking the easy way out. Same with therapists. The only one who can help is yourself. Worked for me, it just takes time and extreme amounts of self reflection.



In no way I mean to offend anyone, this is just my view on it.

[megidolaon]

I don't really believe in medication to treat depression. I think that's taking the easy way out. Same with therapists. The only one who can help is yourself. Worked for me, it just takes time and extreme amounts of self reflection.



In no way I mean to offend anyone, this is just my view on it.

For many folks with depression, seeing a therapist helps them see things or examine things in a way they were unable to do so before. Depression clouds the mind and a therapist and the right kind of medication can be very helpful if used as a tool to help a person help themself... the only problem is when people think that medication/therapy is a magic cure all and taking a pill will "get rid" of the depression or that the therapist will "solve" their problems.

What worked for you may not work for others, and a judgmental comment such as yours (even if you meant it harmlessly it still came off quite harshly) may make someone who really does need to reach out for external help less likely to do so. Not everyone has the time to dedicate to deep personal reflection. Some people may be too deeply entrenched in their depression. Some people may be overwhelmed by school, work, family obligations, etc. some people may simply not know where to start.

For the record - I'm someone who will not touch medication because of some horrible experiences I had when my depression was first diagnosed, and for the last 6+ years of the decade or so I have been diagnosed I have rarely been to therapy. Different things work for different people, and that in no way makes someone weak. There is NO "easy way out" with depression.

[shalowlow]

I don't really believe in medication to treat depression. I think that's taking the easy way out. Same with therapists. The only one who can help is yourself. Worked for me, it just takes time and extreme amounts of self reflection.



In no way I mean to offend anyone, this is just my view on it.

While I do tend to think that depression can be self remedied, you might not be actually talking about the same depression here. Depression in the medical sense isn't "aw man, my girlfriend broke up with me, now i'm sad..."

It's more of, "I'm so sad right now and I have no idea why...."

So, in that case, medication can be a big help in righting the chemical inbalance, and a therapist can help to teach someone that is suffering from their depression that they may have a problem, but it can be remedied, and to help them understand what is going on.

[clumsygrace]

I don't really believe in medication to treat depression. I think that's taking the easy way out. Same with therapists. The only one who can help is yourself. Worked for me, it just takes time and extreme amounts of self reflection.



In no way I mean to offend anyone, this is just my view on it.

While I do tend to think that depression can be self remedied, you might not be actually talking about the same depression here. Depression in the medical sense isn't "aw man, my girlfriend broke up with me, now i'm sad..."

It's more of, "I'm so sad right now and I have no idea why...."

So, in that case, medication can be a big help in righting the chemical imbalance, and a therapist can help to teach someone that is suffering from their depression that they may have a problem, but it can be remedied, and to help them understand what is going on.

I wasn't talking about that kind of depression either. A chemical imbalance is a chemical imbalance. Nothing really a therapist can help with. Hormones in the brain. A therapist can't talk the hormones into working correctly. If a chemical imbalance is the case then medication could help. I'm just saying I'm not into the idea of taking medication. Maybe it's just because I'm a person that believes depression can be self-treated.



Again, I'm only speaking from my experiences. What worked for me may not work for everyone else. This is a discussion thread, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

[An1m]

I don't really believe in medication to treat depression. I think that's taking the easy way out. Same with therapists. The only one who can help is yourself. Worked for me, it just takes time and extreme amounts of self reflection.



In no way I mean to offend anyone, this is just my view on it.

While I do tend to think that depression can be self remedied, you might not be actually talking about the same depression here. Depression in the medical sense isn't "aw man, my girlfriend broke up with me, now i'm sad..."

It's more of, "I'm so sad right now and I have no idea why...."

So, in that case, medication can be a big help in righting the chemical imbalance, and a therapist can help to teach someone that is suffering from their depression that they may have a problem, but it can be remedied, and to help them understand what is going on.

I wasn't talking about that kind of depression either. A chemical imbalance is a chemical imbalance. Nothing really a therapist can help with. Hormones in the brain. A therapist can't talk the hormones into working correctly. If a chemical imbalance is the case then medication could help. I'm just saying I'm not into the idea of taking medication. Maybe it's just because I'm a person that believes depression can be self-treated.



Again, I'm only speaking from my experiences. What worked for me may not work for everyone else. This is a discussion thread, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Thanks Tom, though some of us only need ask L. Ron for guidance, most others are not so lucky. I have had similar experiences as you perhaps did but there's more than one way to skin a cat; I know people who have benefited greatly from therapy and some who have have, positive, negative and mixed results with medications. As a rule, I do not believe that one should make Grand Unified Statements. Yes I know.

Also, when it comes to depression or other serious medical problems since when is "taking the easy way out" something dishonorable?

I've heard tales of people going into random remission of cancer, does that make Chemotherapy and drugs the easy way out? Maybe they should just try to fix it themselves and die in the process. Depression is no less serious and just as life threatening as cancer, if not more so. Edited March 9, 2009 by An1m

[ilikemyusername]

lexapro ftw

[Stuie]

well it has been a few months... depression ftl!

I know I just had a baby and I am sleep deprived, but after my weekly meeting with my boss i was overwhelmed with the "You don't know what the Hell you're doing, do you, Stuart?' feeling. Adding to the fact the boss has an Idea he wants to do that I find pointless. Feeling inadequate about what I do, what I know, all I want to do is go home and sleep. Not to mention even though I have a ton of stuff to do I can't stay focused for more than 20 seconds to start on any of it. When I get home I just want to hold my little girl for a bit, then go to my office shut the door light up a hookah and watch movies, i haven't seen yet. Right now it is taking 44oz Dr Pepper, 3 cups of coffee and a 5 hour energy about every 3 hours to keep me going to the point I am awake and so hyped up on caffeine i can care about what I am doing for about 30 minutes.

I hate this...depression ftl!

[shesha1]

Man. Last may 15th 2008 I was fired. I worked for the company for 3 years. I figured I might as well use the time off to go to the Dr. and shit like that.

2 weeks later I was diagnosed with cancer. Yay. I get fired I have cancer, I can't get a job now becasue I have to have 2 surgery's and radiation treatment. Life can be so fun.

5 months later I got a job. I am lucky cuz it was in the worst economic climate I can ever remember.
Today, I hate my job because of the bitch I have to answer to. I am so fn calm and cool but she raises my blood pressure to the point I feel like I am going to have a stroke.

I guess what I am trying to say is. Life can suck but man does it make you stronger. I didn't think I could go through what I had to. When I look back now, I realize man it wasn't that big a deal. If I had to go through it again, it would suck, but I know I can do it.

Life will always have its up's and down's. It may even have more down's than ups'. But its those real bad patches in life that make the sweet ones so much fun, and remind us why its so good to be alive.

This is life. I am 32, and I relize now as my body breaks down, and work gets harder, that the older you get the more just gets taken away. But you all will have those few moments where you realize just how amazing this journey of life can be.

Do what ever makes you happy, and do lots of it. I am a simple person. I got a new car that I can't afford, and if I lost my job id be up shit river. But after my cancer scare I realized man this thing life doesn't last 4 ever. Live for today. When I get off work I go home light a fat bowl, and smoke; play xbox 360 ps3. These are the things that bring me happiness.

Last but not least. When you are down, you will learn who the real friends are. I would be dead if not for my mom and my girlfriend. To those who suffer from depression, I went through a bout with it last year. Things will get better. They always do. Edited June 16, 2009 by shesha1