Gaia's Glorious Gaffs And Dubiously Derisory Dilemma

[gaia.plateau]

Yar, the prince of sarcastic quips, non sequiturious tangents and twisted humour only funny to himself, has begun a topic about a personal matter. Because I'm really bored and I want to organize my thoughts. I don't even know if I'll click 'Post New Topic'. Probably not. We'll just have to see. It might be interesting, who knows. Most of this stuff I've never told to another flesh and blood person, partly because I don't want my friends to think me a heel, but mostly because, in all objectivity, I'm probably the most perceptive person I know and therefore have no one to turn to for advice. And I'm not asking for yours. I just want to type this out and if I end up posting it, it will be purely out of whim, probably because I decided that someone might be entertained or at least made to feel better about themselves by reading it. Everything you read here is unabridged, unbiased, autobiographical first-hand account. My name is Red, I'm 23 years old, I'm a DJ at a popular club and a student of international conflict and cooperation. Anyone that knows me would almost certainly tell you that I'm one of the most compassionate, selfless people they know, but the truth is I'm really kind of a dick.

You probably shouldn't read this. This is all boring backstory and context. If you read this you may become corrupted and not even interested. It's not going to give you any inspiration or catharsis, but it might make you nauseous. Just skip to the last part, it will be infinitely less confusing and certainly more rewarding.

So I've been dating this girl for just about seven years now, Lis. We've always kept things casual, never once speaking of marriage or moving in together or any of that nonsense. And she's been a good girlfriend... she's hot, loves to drink, loves to smoke hookah, and loves to fuck. Totally addicted to dick. Plus she's bisexual, and good at picking up girls for us. And she loves bondage, and anal. I set this context just to give you a good idea of where I am, and what the relationship has become despite all this.

About two years ago, our relationship was really dying out; we'd established a pretty dreary regiment of me picking her up and bringing her back to my place, banging for an hour or so (sometimes with very little foreplay), then maybe watching a movie or something before I took her home. We both just stopped caring.

Then on January 1st 2007, I left the country to live and study in Guatemala for 4 months and backpack around Central America for a 5th. It completely revitalized our relationship, and for about 6 months it was like the first year, absolutely incredible. We went out all the time, dinner, dancing, wild steamy threesomes and foursomes, it was fantastic. The next 6 months wasn't as good, and the following 6 months was even worse. Then we had our 666 anniversary (six years, six months, six days), which we celebrated by having ritualistic satanic hijinks and such, and that sort of gave us a wee little jump start. And that was about 6 months ago.

Now we're right back to where we were 2 years ago. I'm bored most of the time we're together, she's gaining some weight and caring less about what she wears (go ahead, call me shallow), and I'm finding that she's literally the only person in the entire world that can make me angry. Like, I'm the most laid back person you'd ever meet, literally nothing can make me lose my cool. Except her. We had a huge fight two weeks ago this Sunday, and the details aren't even important, it was a stupid misunderstanding and things just kept getting more and more irritating for me, before I knew it I was shouting and she was screaming and you know how that sort of thing always ends. The point is, and I realized this as soon as I dropped her off; I wanted it to happen, wanted my rage and her hysteria to drive us further apart. We haven't had sex since a couple of days before that, and bear this in mind because it becomes important later. Perhaps most importantly, I realized beyond the shadow of a doubt that had I not gone to Guatemala, I absolutely, certainly would have broken up with Lis by the following Summer, possibly by the end of that year.

It's important for you to note, this girl is so devoted to me and simultaneously so unambitious that she would never, ever break up with me. She says that she would if I ever cheated on her which I have, many times and I don't justify this (judge not lest ye yourself be judged, or something), but even when I intentionally or unintentionally let it be fairly obvious and apparent to her, she deludes herself and, I think, subliminally represses the evidence. When I contracted chlamydia and gave it to her I was with zero difficulty able to convince her that I got it in a hot tub, despite her doctor probably telling her that this is impossible. I don't know if I was pushed to doing these morally wrong things because I wanted her to break up with me, or because I wanted the thrill of getting away with it, or because I wanted to rebel and rage against her lack of self-respect. Anyway.

It should also be noted that even though we have basically all the same friends, it goes without saying that I'm much closer with every single one of them. One of our very close friends, I'm going to call her Ursula because her name is too short to usefully abbreviate, has had several threesomes with us and has been infatuated with me for some time, and has subtly and not-so-subtly indicated that she wants an exclusive sexual relationship with me (Annotation #1- this is not narcissism, even her fucking mom has told me this. Annotation #2 - greeeaat rack).

It should be noted that over the years I've become interested, infatuated, obsessed, in love, whatever the fuck you want to call it, with a good many different girls, and have had a plethora of different women exhibiting the same feelings toward me. And many times I've merely 'liked' or 'been attracted' to girls for whom this feeling is mutual. Nothing capable of even nudging my decisions. But now there's Shaf.

Shaf is an unrealistically beautiful Nepalese goddess. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary I am still not 100% certain that she isn't just an elaborate hallucination forged by my desperate subconscious mind. Shaf is in a lot of ways the smartest person I know. She's a student of international conflict and cooperation like me, she's objective like me, and she's learned like me through her studies and experiences that certainty of anything is laughable. She's extremely passionate, but she doesn't let her emotions cloud her judgment, and honestly this is the first time I've ever seen a woman who is capable of that. Her laugh is angelic. Her voice is very feminine, but raspy in that incredibly sexy Janis Joplin sort of way. She is straight out of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel. Now perhaps the best part, all my senses and perception tells me that she is at least almost as enchanted with me as I am with her. Oh, and she loves, loves, loves smoking hookah. And she laughs at all my dumb jokes.

Now don't let my sickeningly sweet ramblings lead you to believe that I'm being led by the horns, or by some other horn-like object, that isn't the case. In no way whatsoever am I talking about 'dropping' my girlfriend to be with this Nepalese goddess; as I've spoken of at length Lis and I have been having serious problems for a long time now. But I think it is important to talk a bit about Shaf, because she is probably a hastening factor in my decision making, if not an influencing one.

I have been attracted to Shaf since first year history, wherein we had the same tutorial session. We just started becoming good friends last year though, as we had several classes together. To be honest, I've always been intimidated by her stunning beauty and unphasable confidence. Now, Shaf and I have 4 classes together every week wherein neither of us knows anyone else, so that's 6 hours sitting next to one another and passing notes and such. We often go to coffee together afterward, usually at the place where her boyfriend works (yikes... I'll get to that shortly... if you hate me now, just wait, you have no idea what a dick I am), or for a bubble tea on campus. Recently we've been coming to my place for an hour or two to chat. In that last 18 hours, we've spent 6 of them together (she was over last night to study). Anyway, enough about her, this isn't about her. Oh and I guess I should mention that her boyfriend is this sweet, awesome dude that went to Guatemala with me for 4 months and has these big adorable eyes and curly blonde hair and animals love him and he's good to his mother and he's always looked up to me and we're great friends and Shaf can't stand him and I am such a fucking assbag for planning to do this to him. But this is about me and Lis. So let's get to my strategy. Try to suspend your judgments of me as a human for now, I know that I suck.



Okay, it's safe to start reading now. All the irrelevant, sappy, narcissistic and nauseating stuff is behind us. Now my for my brilliant strategy.

Now for those who were foolish enough to read all that silliness, you'll recall that I'm looking to pull the plug on my relationship which is in a vegetative state, and that my girlfriend is pretty excellent and we have all the same friends. So what to do? How could I possibly break it off without emotionally injuring a good person and making my friends realize what a dick I am?

Aha! I don't! I don't break it off. That's the plot. Now hold thy judgments and reactions and listen, I think I'm really on to something here. This might revolutionize how people end their relationships. At least, some people.

You know how when people want to break someone's heart but not feel too guilty about it, and they say "let's just be friends"? Well what's wrong with that? For one thing, it's bullshit, you're never friends afterward. I'm still friends with most of my exes and only once has that bullshit actually been verbally espoused. For another thing, it really doesn't cushion the blow like some people might think. And when you've been dating for almost seven years... that's a really, really big fucking blow. All it does is provide a weak self delusion for the person using it. HOWEVER.

I'm not going to say anything at all! *Maniacal laughter*

I'm going to start behaving and sincerely believing that we're just friends. Like we broke up a year ago, spent 4 months crying, 6 months hating one another, and 2 months reconnecting. Like I mentioned in some part of that massive, boring backstory, we haven't fucked in 2 weeks anyway! That's a god damn head start! So among others, I'm using my relationship with Ursula, who as I mentioned Lis and I have had several threesomes with, as sort of a template for how to treat Lis. I'll call her maybe twice a week (as opposed to 5 or so times), talk for maybe 5-10 minutes at a time (as opposed to 30 or so), and arrange to meet and hang out maybe once a week (as opposed to fucking 6 or 7 times).

I'm going to work into this template gradually, but the basic idea is to be as unromantic as possible. On Monday night she came over and my excuse for not fucking was my tonsillitis, even though I've fucked with tonsillitis countless times, and she watched me play Assassin's Creed (a video game) for maybe 45 minutes, which is about the least romantic thing a girl and a guy can do together, and then we watched Lord of War, one of my favourite movies that she hadn't seen and I knew she wouldn't like. We sat next to each other on my futon fairly platonically, under the same blanket but my hands in my lap occasionally giving her knees a friendly squeeze. She seemed pretty content afterward, I gave her a platonic light kiss on the lips, like I do with most of my female friends, and waved as she walked up the stairs and out to her car. So good so far.

This is a sociological experiment, I suppose, and I don't know how it will turn out. Maybe I'll write an article about it and publish anonymously, if it works according to plan. I still don't know if I'm going to post this... hmmm... fuck it.

[joelhookah]

Cliff notes?

[erufiku]

I read the whole thing... it was better than Richard II, then again the fucking manual for a vacuum cleaner is more interesting than RII.
Anyway, all I can say is that some twisted part of me is really interested in seeing how this turns out. Never been that long term myself so it's an interesting perspective. Keep me (because nobody else read it) updated.

PS: cliffnotes version - Gaia wants to take over the (female) world. You may begin posting irrelevant responses.

[SmokinMoose]

That was interesting. I would love to see how this experiment pans out.
That is very well written. This would make for a great topic for an article.

[SuburbanSmoker]

Regardless of how you break up with her, short of getting her to fall for another guy, your going to look like the dick. Even if she broke up with you, youd look like the dick. Its part of being the guy...trust me just doesnt work.

Best of luck to you and im interested to see how it turns out.

[Victim026]

Shaf sounds like a name something with a penis would have.... mostly because if you slap a t on the end you get SHAFT Can you dig it?

[Victim026]

And furthermore if you are indeed attracted to Shaft then you probably know by now that Samuel L. Jackson is fed up with the mother fucking snakes on the mother fucking plane and he may very well try to kill your snake as well...




Which would be totally bad news because then you couldn't play tentacle touch with Ursula(from the little mermaid of course).

[gaia.plateau]

Anyway, all I can say is that some twisted part of me is really interested in seeing how this turns out. Never been that long term myself so it's an interesting perspective. Keep me (because nobody else read it) updated.

I'll set you up with a subscription to my newsletter brah.

Shaf sounds like a name something with a penis would have.... mostly because if you slap a t on the end you get SHAFT Can you dig it?

This post almost made me vomit. Sam Jackson is trash. There can only ever be one true Shaft. Edited October 9, 2008 by gaia.plateau

[Johnny_D]

Abridgment ?

[Tati]

Since this is my alternative to studying, I actually read the whole thing...
To summarize: Gaia and his gf, Lis, havent been feeling the romance anymore. Gaia and Shaf have been feeling the romance but both are in relationships. So, instead of breaking up with gf and bf, they will act like nothing is happening and just distance himself away from gf and closer to Shaf.

My thoughts: Good luck! Have you talked to Lis about how you are growing away from each other? Im thinking she feels it two, especially if you usually have sex every time you are together, but yet havent in 2 weeks.

And I still dont get why you arent breaking up with her. Tell her you dont feel it anymore, and that you met someone else. And yea, she will be hurt, but it doesnt sound like shes gonna do anything about it. Forget about being friends, that never works.

Just pass Lis to a friend of yours, cuz she sounds like a great girl, but youve grown bored of each other. So no bad feelings.

[newjacksm]

Do your self the favor(not trying to sound like a dick) was in your shoes, its in your best favor to just stop wasting each others time and say it flat out. You may not know she is feeling the same way.

I did the same shit to my ex cheated on her but every time i tried to break up with her she cried and made me feel like shit so we tried to work things out instead. In the end it was a big waste of time. Just do your best to get it over with and find a girl you like.

[johnmanniv]

By never really addressing the issues that you two are having you're going to drag it out for way longer that it needs to be. That will only hurt her more. I don't undestand something. You are openly calling yourself a dick on your post but are very concerned with how people think of you and what you are doing. If you've been with this girl for 7 years you should do her a favor and just tell her how you feel. You said yourself that she would never break up with you. You've cheated on you and she knows it. So what would make you think that ignoring her is going to do the trick. You need to face that fact that YOU are going to need to do it. I'm not saying that it's not hard to do especially after spending 7 years of your lives together. But that 7 years does not change the fact that this relationship is unhealthy for the both of you. Do you think that you are doing her a favor by living a lie with her?

I applaud you for worrying about hurting her but there is no way around it. If you want this to end then end it.


This post is in no way meant to demisnish you as a person. You can take it or leave it. I wish you both the best of luck.

[gaia.plateau]

Since this is my alternative to studying, I actually read the whole thing...
To summarize: Gaia and his gf, Lis, havent been feeling the romance anymore. Gaia and Shaf have been feeling the romance but both are in relationships. So, instead of breaking up with gf and bf, they will act like nothing is happening and just distance himself away from gf and closer to Shaf.

My thoughts: Good luck! Have you talked to Lis about how you are growing away from each other? Im thinking she feels it two, especially if you usually have sex every time you are together, but yet havent in 2 weeks.

And I still dont get why you arent breaking up with her. Tell her you dont feel it anymore, and that you met someone else. And yea, she will be hurt, but it doesnt sound like shes gonna do anything about it. Forget about being friends, that never works.

Just pass Lis to a friend of yours, cuz she sounds like a great girl, but youve grown bored of each other. So no bad feelings.

Excellent abridgement Tati. I'm reading responses and replying to them as an alternative for preparing an Economics abstract which is due tomorrow. I can't stand Economics.

We haven't explicitly talked about how we've been growing apart, or perhaps to put it more accurately, how we've been growing... stale. And I think that she does feel it too, but on the bottom of her mind, not the top. I don't think that she consciously understands it. She's content to be content, and I think that her subconscious will delude itself as much as it needs to in order to protect that contentedness.

Regarding being friends afterward... in my experience that does work, and often- mind you that all my relationships before Lis were in high school... but I have many friends who have dated, broken up, and remained very good friends since then. All it takes is maturity, emotional stability, and the conscious decision on both parts to remain friends.

To answer your question why I'm not directly breaking up with her... well, it will eventually happen, in a way. The idea is that one day in the next couple of weeks we'll look at one another and something will click in her head and she'll realize, "hunh... we're just friends". And I know that probably sounds corny or stupid but if you knew the paradigmical circumstances of our relationship it would make a lot more sense. She's invited me to her grandmother's for thanksgiving dinner... so I have to go to that... and that will probably mean a great deal of suffering for me, as well as some superb acting, but I'm willing to endure that for her, and in a lot of selfish ways, for me. I can't stand the idea of even her family resenting me- maybe that's just a personality flaw in me, or maybe it's perfectionism, and maybe it's something I need to learn to live with.

Do your self the favor(not trying to sound like a dick) was in your shoes, its in your best favor to just stop wasting each others time and say it flat out. You may not know she is feeling the same way.

I did the same shit to my ex cheated on her but every time i tried to break up with her she cried and made me feel like shit so we tried to work things out instead. In the end it was a big waste of time. Just do your best to get it over with and find a girl you like.

Our relationship has, for the greater part, been perfect, actually fairy-tale like. We have more stories that cause everyone in the room to weep in vicarious bliss than we have fingers and toes. I just want it to have a perfect ending, if that's possible. Maybe it isn't. Who knows. At any rate I'm resigned to forgoe trying to work things out, I guess one could think of it as me giving her a trial adjustment period to being without me.

By never really addressing the issues that you two are having you're going to drag it out for way longer that it needs to be. That will only hurt her more. I don't undestand something. You are openly calling yourself a dick on your post but are very concerned with how people think of you and what you are doing.

I am a dick, at least I am in a lot of ways, but I suppose that the real character flaw in question is that I care about who knows it.

You've cheated on you and she knows it. So what would make you think that ignoring her is going to do the trick.

Well, that's really a philosophical question, "what is knowing?" I mean, for all we can tell, we may all know the ultimate meaning of life but our minds suppress it beneath infinite layers of consciousness because to learn it would destroy us. If you asked her if I've ever cheated, she'd without hesitation tell you "no". If one of my closest friends went to her and told her that I was cheating on her, she'd reject it out of hand. If she walked in on me with a naked girl on my lap and my tongue in her ear, her first reaction would probably be that she'd been bitten in the ear while showering by some deadly snake and I was trying to suck out the poison.

And I'm not ignoring her, I'm gradually shifting my perception and treatment of her from a lover to a friend. I'm hoping that the reflection of herself that she sees in me will gradually change with it. A nobel prize wouldn't be bad either!

You need to face that fact that YOU are going to need to do it.

Well... I'll get back to you on that in a couple of weeks.

Do you think that you are doing her a favor by living a lie with her?

I don't think it's accurate to call it a lie... she's just been lagging behind a little bit in her perception of our relationship, and instead of falling back and keeping pace with her as I've been doing on and off for 2 or more years, I'm slowly pulling ahead.

Oh and... welcome to the forum? Edited October 9, 2008 by gaia.plateau

[ColibriDon]

Hmmm...well, I read that whole thing. I thought it was pretty interesting, and you're right, it did make me feel a little better about me being a dick. I've had a less than stellar relationship with women of the not too distant past and I can tell you this: I like your plan!

Personally, I think it's great. However, I don't think it will work in all circumstances; but given your history with this girl and the knowledge that you posses, which none of us does or ever will, I think your plan will work. Clearly you're an intelligent guy and if you think that this plan will work, go for it. I mean, what harm is it going to do? Worst case scenario...she dumps you? Seems like a win-win and I like win-wins.

If I could pull this off in future relationships, I'd be willing to give it a try (Although currently I am not in a relationship, kind of in a "rental" state of mind, if you get what I mean).

Good luck to you, man!

[joelhookah]

Nicely written. Now on to MY thoughts, which you should take with a grain of salt as I havent had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 years, but I am a cheating asshole so I still know a thing or 2.

The distancing thing WILL NOT work. She is a female. She will make excuses for you as to why things aren't the same just so she can continue to believe that this 7 years of her life was well invested. What will happen is that you will probably continue this for a month or two at which time it will prompt a discussion about what is wrong. Which will lead you to inevitably have to break up with her ass anyway. So just man up and tell her the spark is gone.

Now the Shaf situation is a very sensitive one. This one can be handled in a way that has the outcome you like without you looking like an assbag. You break up with Lis. Be prepared to be single man, but judging by the story, you wont have any trouble making it through those rough times. If Shaf breaks up with her man then that's that but don't make a move. Just kinda keep things going the way they have been for a couple of months before you make your move. That way you can be blamed for her and her man breaking up, henceforth looking like a douchebag.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do brother!

[gaia.plateau]

Again, most of this is just me organizing my thoughts.

...

Thanks for the feedback Don, and you're right that this strategy is not universally applicable. For one thing, it requires that the girl or guy that one is trying to gradually end a relationship be operating some sort of, if you will, subconscious wall of delusion against their conscious mind. A more aware/paranoid/suspicious/cunning individual would likely notice subtle changes in someone's behaviour, such as I am intentionally adjusting in my own, and call them on it.

I just attended that Thanksgiving dinner at Lis' grandparents house, like I mentioned earlier (in Canada we celebrate it tomorrow), and while I do enjoy the conversation and company of her remarkably fucked-up relatives, it was a pretty emotionally stressful experience as I had to fake my emotions, positions and reactions according to my recently decided stance on my relationship, if you dig my meaning. But I pulled it off splendidly, being my usual charming self to all those present, especially to her largely psychopathic, brash brother, and treated Lis with usual respect and cordiality but not with usual affection.

Normally when we're driving and its cold out, I'll remove my right leather glove and give it to her, so that we can hold hands flesh-to-flesh. Tonight I kept both gloves on, and only periodically held her hand- even then I was sure to refrain from gripping it, but instead placing it lightly and rather platonically onto hers. I took every opportunity to keep both hands on the wheel without being obvious about it, and before we left the city I burned an audio lecture (the history of the theory of evolution) to play instead of the usual quiet, chill music, so that we would be unable to chit chat during the 20 minute drive.

...

Thanks for the input, Joel. It's not a 'distancing thing' that I'm doing with Lis, more like a... loosening, or widening thing. I'm gradually reducing the affection between us while retaining contact and conversation, widening the gap between us as lovers while maintaining and perhaps even reducing the gap betwen us as friends.

Regarding your input with Shaf, that's basically the plan. It's becoming somewhat more difficult, it should be noted that my affection for her is steadily growing stronger as we spend more and more time together, but I'm confident that I have the sufficient will power to sustain it and I'm hopeful that her affection for me is growing stronger proportionately. I don't know how long I'll be single, I certainly have no problems getting tail as I'm 1) a DJ in a club full of whores and 2) probably the brightest and most charasmatic guy in a scholastic discipline wherein beautiful, outroverted hippie chicks outnumber guys 6:1. Don't confuse my candor for arrogance.

For now I'm going without sex, which is extremely rough, but I've doubled my workout regime to 1) take my mind off of it and 2) tire myself out more. At least I'll look good for the beaches of Cuba- the other day I joked around with Shaf that if she ends up needing a final university credit, she should come to Cuba with me (for five months... a dream come true), and she replied with sincere interest: cha-ching.

What you've suggested to win Shaf over is basically what I'm planning to do. More specifically, and indeed more diabolically... I intend to follow through on the plan with Lis- hopefully at some point in the near future, Shaf will ask me "how things are with the girlfriend", or something to that effect. I'll reply completely honestly, and if she presses it or I think she's comfortable with me pressing it, I'll add that I really think that things between Lis and I are coming to an end. Up until now, despite the feelings I have and whatever feelings she may have, our time together has always been "safe", if you will. She considers me to be "kind", "compassionate", and a man of integrity and honour, as well as completely loyal to Lis. Just as importantly, this is how I've been in the eyes of her boyfriend, who I'll refer to as Moe.

When I drop the bomb on Shaf that I'll likely be single in the immediate future, that safety will disappear, but any feelings she has toward me very likely won't (and as I mentioned, she's expressed her disatisfation with her relationship with Moe to me several times). As a secondary and absolutely intended effect, Moe's feelings toward the time I'll continue to spend with Shaf will also change. It should be noted that while not stupid, Moe is the epitome of simple. He's very trusting and impressionable, especially to certain people whom for my purposes I am unfortunately included in. This is bad for me because I want him to begin to distrust me- I have vastly more experience than Moe in dealing with women, and I know that the surest way to end a relationship is to begin distrusting your significant other. If he makes so much as one personal attack against me to Shaf, or expresses the slightest suspicion, or tries to control her seeing me in any way, I've won; he'll drive her even closer to me and away from him, and hopefully I'll have won without sacrificing my friendship with Moe; he'll only have himself to blame.

I know that I'm a bastard, no need to tell me.

Anyway, right now I'm just taking things slowly with both plans, both girls, and sort of waiting for opportunities to seize. I believe that Lis has truly begun to reconcile her understanding of our relationship with the reality that it's ending, which gives me real hope that my strategy is working. In essence, I'm trying to end a relationship with one girl and start a relationship with another, without either of them realizing that it's happening. Could have made for a good Seinfeld episode, I think. Cheers. Edited October 13, 2008 by gaia.plateau

[joelhookah]

Definitely a good Seinfeld episode. I agree with your plans with Shaf partially, as long as you play the card that you totally respect her connection to Moe as long as it naturally is. That will win points definitely, but I think that is your plan anyway. You know Lis better than I but I have learned that the strategy of letting things drift has never worked for ME personally, but I seem to get some fucked up chicks who wont just go. And no I dont mistake your confidence for arrogance, I have spent alot of time in clubs and bars knowing alot of the staff and honestly, if you work at a bar or club thats worth anything and you are confident and semi attractive, sex will come easier than going to sleep at night. I respect your plan and your decisions and wish you the best of luck. The Cuba mention and acceptance by Shaf was quite nice BTW. I can only imagine the fun to be had!

[erufiku]

Update? This stuff is gold, someone should put it down in verse for the future generations

[gaia.plateau]

Update? This stuff is gold, someone should put it down in verse for the future generations

I think this thread was hidden for a while by a mod... I don't know why, and was never notified. But yeah.

Not a whole lot of updates right now, I've been super busy writing papers, but things are going well overall. Still taking things slowly with Lis, making that transformation from lovers to merely friends extremely, extremely gradually, and that's going very well. Regarding the auxiliary issue, with Shaf, at present moment things seem to be going unusually well with her and Moe, so I'm just going to leave that be for the time being- once things start to deteriorate on that end again, as they inevitably will, I'll pick the opportune time to drop the bomb on her that my relationship with Lis is going the way of the Dodo (I think I mentioned before that as far as she's aware, we're perfectly happy).

[gaia.plateau]

Update for Erufiku.

Well fuck, things are a bit more chaotic now. Let's start with the relatively superfluous but hastening factor, my relationship with Shaf.

So in short, what I wanted to happen has happened. Shaf and Moe's relationship is once again in the pits, as I knew it inevitably would be again. She had him read over one of her papers and he basically took all of the important content out, and she was kind of like "what the hell?" but she let it go. Then she came to me and told me, and naturally I sided with her; the next time she talked to him I guess she actually criticized him and apparently he basically flipped out. My plan to get him a bit tense by spending so much time with his girlfriend and thereby making him jealous and suspicious, the least attractive qualities a man can possibly have, is apparently working. And, as I predicted, in the same time frame Shaf asked me how my relationship with Lis was going. We'll get to that.

But alas. A couple of days before this, Shaf tells me that after she finishes school this Winter, she's probably going to be moving to Nepal to live with her parents for a while, and then she doesn't know what she's going to do. Fuck. Well, this obviously presents two caveats to my schemes, the first being that I can't drink rum, smoke cigars, and fuck Shaf on a Cuban beach this Spring if she's on the other side of the planet. The second, less obvious problem is that if she's going to be leaving the country and presumably Moe at the end of the year, she's going to be less inclined to end things with him now. Why end a relationship the hard way when you can do it the easy way in the imminent future? Which brings me to the more important issue.

So the hastening factor has been most probably eliminated. Maybe next year, maybe in some other country, Shaf and I will get together. We'll definitely keep in touch, and yeah I guess I'm just going to play it off the cuff for now. As for Lis. Well, a monkey wrench sort of got thrown into that business. We'd gone just under two months without sex last Saturday, though let's just say I haven't been going without entirely for my part. It was the wedding day of one of my best friends, Ash, I was her usher. I bring Lis as my date, naturally. She looks fucking stunning, obviously has been hitting the gym, wearing a perhaps inappropriately tight slip dress, her long blonde hair in curls. At this point I remain resolute, not giving in whatsoever, treating her still like a casual friend. We go to the Wedding 30 minutes early, because I have to seat the old fucks and such, and she waits patiently in the fourth row for me to finish. I go to her and sit down, beside several friends of ours, and I hold her hand for appearances' sake. The whole time she's being super touchy and what have you.

In between the Wedding and reception we have like 4 hours to kill, so I suggest we stop by my folks' place as it's only a couple of blocks from Ash's church. We had lunch and that killed an hour. After that we went to my place to watch a movie or something. And this is where it all falls apart for me. I'm taking off my shoes and socks to get comfortable, sitting on my bed while she does something in the bathroom with her hair. Then she walks into my room wearing nothing but a thong and a bottle of Guinness in her hand from my fridge, her perfect 20-year-old breasts diamond-sharp from how cold it is, and she throws me back, puts the beer in my hand, tears out my dick, and begins to service it. Well, honestly, what would you do?

So afterward I submit to a bit of cuddling, because to not would be outright jackassery, my mind racing as to how I let things get back to this point and what I should do next. I'd just seen Burn After Reading a few days earlier, so genius me I say that I feel like hopping on my stationary bike for a while. Because that's something that I can do alone, not touching, and decide what to do. We play LittleBigPlanet together while I'm working out. She basically burns a hole through my skull with beaming "fuck-me" eyes every time there's a pause.

And this is basically my thought process. The ~'s represent my inner voices, brought on by genetic psychopathology.

~ Fuck you're dumb. We had things going so well!
But what was I going to do? Seriously!
~ Anything but that!
Well fuck, Shaf is basically out of the picture now, or soon will be, so why rush things?
~ You'll still be saying that a year from now you stupid bastard!
Ah, but Cuba! Think about Cuba!
~ Alright. We're thinking.
Cuba is in 5 months. Things with Lis apparently are goodish again. They can't possibly deteriorate in just 5 months, from what we know of history.
~ Go on.
We bring Lis to Cuba with us. We've talked about it before. She's excited to go.
~ I still don't see how-
Wait! You know how it will be when we're spending all our time together. We'll drive each other crazy!
~ I'm beginning to... aaaah we see!
Yes! We'll break up in Cuba. On good, friendly terms in a beautiful country. I'm almost certainly going to be living in the Middle East for a year, leaving basically right after I get back to Canada. There's no way she'd go for that!
~ So we go through 5 more months of this relationship, break up with her in the Caribbean, and then have 3 or 4 months of single life to fuck Latina bitches, and when we get back to Canada we're free?
Free! Free, my precious!
~ We likes this plan.


So after I had biked and played LBP with her for about 30 minutes, chatting idly and reformulating what I should do, we go back into my bed for about 90 minutes of foreplay followed by 30ish minutes of brain-busting sex (backdoor, she was on her rag). And thus is my current situation.

I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from trying the plot I developed, it needs more experimentation apparently. Perhaps with a girl not so cock-hungry. While things didn't go as planned, and I guess I'm disappointed overall, it will be nice to have frequent, regular sex again and no more uncertainty or stressing about how to act and behave around Lis/Shaf. The cogs are still moving, but it looks like the plan has altered. Shaf has a birthday next week and she's invited me to stay the night... so we'll see how that goes. Cheers.

[Big Boss]

Reading that actually makes me feel better about my life.

[Hippo_Master]

I say fuck it all and write a book.

[Balthazar]

This has nothing to do with the subject of this topic, but since this is the official "Gaia's problems"-thread I thought this would be the best place to ask. How far in your education are you? If my memory serves me right you were (are?) studying International Conflicts or something similar? How do you combine this with the trip to Cuba, and the following trip to the Middle East? Will you continue your studies there? And, if it's not to personal: what will you be doing there? Research, journalism, learn a new language?

I ask because I'm currently in my first semester of Political Science, and I'm thinking of getting a masters degree in International Studies. Not quite sure yet, but that's my current goal, vague as it might be. So it would be interesting to hear about your plans, I'd love to spend some time either in a Latin American country or somewhere in Asia, but I'm not familiar of how this "is done" (combining your studies with the traveling, that is). Sorry for the somewhat naive formulation, never been that good at expressing myself in English.

[gaia.plateau]

How far in your education are you? If my memory serves me right you were (are?) studying International Conflicts or something similar? How do you combine this with the trip to Cuba, and the following trip to the Middle East? Will you continue your studies there? And, if it's not to personal: what will you be doing there? Research, journalism, learn a new language?

Hey Balthazar.

Yarp, my major is International Conflict and Cooperation, a stream of International Studies. I'll be finishing my degree in Cuba with an elective, Sociology (365 or something like that): Revolution and Social Change; it's a term abroad in Cuba for 3 weeks.

After its conclusion, I'm going to spend another month or so in the country, definitely including a couple of weeks in Baroca, and then spend a few months traveling around Haiti, the Dominican Republic, maybe Jamaica, probably flying from the Dom Rep to Caracas in Venezuela and backpack around there and Peru for a couple of months... might head North to Costa Rica and Nicaragua, possibly even traveling North all the way back to Canada via hitchhiking, buses and the like.

IF I can get a full or near-full scholarship to my Grad school of choice in Costa Rica (it's like US$40,000 and I'm already $20,000 in the hole) during my time traveling, I'll go straight there and begin graduate studies... my average is only around 80% though, so I'm not holding my breath. HOWEVER, the school, The University For Peace, looks at work, travel, and life experience almost as it does academic grades... so if I can't get a full or near-full scholarship I plan to teach English at a University somewhere in Egypt or elsewhere in the Middle East for a year, and then try again.

Arabic languages are all very different from one another, but it would probably be helpful to get a basic understanding of at least one while I'm there. (I plan on taking graduate studies in Peace and Media Studies, I want to work in conflict journalism for a while, maybe eventually found or join an NGO for propagation of participatory peace building through media, and sometime, decades from now, getting into formal conflict mediation).

I ask because I'm currently in my first semester of Political Science, and I'm thinking of getting a masters degree in International Studies. Not quite sure yet, but that's my current goal, vague as it might be. So it would be interesting to hear about your plans, I'd love to spend some time either in a Latin American country or somewhere in Asia, but I'm not familiar of how this "is done" (combining your studies with the traveling, that is). Sorry for the somewhat naive formulation, never been that good at expressing myself in English.

I hope that's been of some service, I've done a four-month term abroad in Guatemala and some fairly extensive traveling in El Salvador and Honduras, so if you have any further questions about traveling/studying in Latin America I'm obliged to offer any advice I can. Cheers. Edited November 23, 2008 by gaia.plateau

[Balthazar]

Thanks man.

That covers just about everything I wanted to know. Will get back to you if I have any more questions though. Good luck with the backpacking, sound pretty awesome.

Oh, one last question. I'm not familiar with your education-system, what exactly does 80% mean? Like 80% of a perfect score?