Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 The following is a loose translation of a few e-mails exchanged between me and a Dutch retailer before I settled on the Cosmos and embarked on my heroic SouthSmoke Odyssey, presented here for your enjoyment. Please note that the replies of the retailer in question indeed feature no capitals or punctuation whatsoever. I did my best to reflect this man's inability or unwillingness to construct a sentence with greater skill than a box of Alpha Bits knocked over on the breakfast table in a language other than the original message. I realise that this post, combined with my stories about my experience with SouthSmoke.com, might picture me as somewhat an obnoxious b*astard when it comes to making a purchase. As a customer, I don't ask for a red carpet treatment, but I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to expect a certain measure of politeness, competence, promptness and overall professionalism in exchange for my hard-earned cash. That said, enjoy the show. "Dear recipient, Lacking a decently stocked supplier in my area, I’m considering ordering my hookah supplies from you in the future. Because of the small and therefore rather vague photograph on your website I would appreciate it if you could send me a bigger image of the available mouthpieces. Thanks in advance, Tico dear (yes, there is actually NO name or description here) if you the pictures from Google and then Sfinx Hookah images you will see them bigger <name> Dear mister <name>, As a potential customer I would like to receive a correctly structured, intelligible sentence as a reply. Thanks in advance. dear customer, we can’t send you a bigger image this one is the largest how they look on the site is how they look in real life. <name> Dear mister <name>, Thanks again for your reply. “How they look on the site is how they look in real life.” This is, of course, an utterly pointless comment. It’s a photograph for a reason, I was talking about the fuzziness because of it’s inadequate size. Your first reply seems to suggest that I do something with Google. The fact that the word in question is suddenly absent after your rephrasing leads me to believe that you opt for the path of least resistance rather than providing me with proper service. I have therefore decided to embrace your attitude and not hassle you as a customer. With kind regards, Tico dear then don’t ever come back and bother us and would have never shown up we will never help you we have stored your IP address so that you can’t order with another name either Had your IQ risen above that of a shrimp, you would have been able to induce from my earlier message that that is precisely my intention. Once again with kind regards, Tico the end Well hey, at least he called me "dear". I appreciate an informal approach after initial contact and negotiations. I seem to unintentionally be turning into the scourge of company representatives... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzing Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 haha, don't even try ordering with a different name! unless, of course, you have a dynamic ip. unless they blocked all of them. then, don't even try ordering from any computer in your isp's service area. even with a different name. even if it's not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yashman19 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I suppose you could go to your local library and put an order in from there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Shrimps...both of you. The good bit is that me and a few friends are planning to hit this guy with a wave of enquiries about bigger photographs of the mouthpieces, all within a very short period of time. Maybe we'll even try and call him up. I'll let you know if anything funny happens. I guess this is what happens when you put someone with the mental capacities of a stoner chimp in charge of business correspondence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yashman19 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 [quote name='Tico']Shrimps...both of you. The good bit is that me and a few friends are planning to hit this guy with a wave of enquiries about bigger photographs of the mouthpieces, all within a very short period of time. Maybe we'll even try and call him up. I'll let you know if anything funny happens. I guess this is what happens when you put someone with the mental capacities of a stoner chimp in charge of business correspondence...[/quote] God don't cause any more trouble.. The fact of the matter is, he pissed you off and you pissed him off. Don't do business with him anymore, its his loss right? He is obviously entitled to run his business how he sees fit, so who are you to try and change this? Are you hoping that if you and your buddies annoy him enough, that hes going to change things completly around to accomodate you? Let it go, really. Trust me, I'm not trying to be an ass to you, because I feel for you. I really do think it would have been a friendly gesture and a sign of a good business man to just simply send you some larger pictures, but this wasn't the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 [/QUOTE] He is obviously entitled to run his business how he sees fit, so who are you to try and change this? Are you hoping that if you and your buddies annoy him enough, that hes going to change things completly around to accomodate you? [/QUOTE] Not at all. In fact, we're hoping he won't. That way, we not only get to laugh at the thought of this guy being bombarded with the same request that drove him insane, but also at the inevitably ridiculous stuff he might come up with next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mushrat Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 [url="http://www.waterpijpen.nl/waterpijp.html"]http://www.waterpijpen.nl/waterpijp.html[/url] WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THAT??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 That, my friend, would be their somewhat unorthodox gallery of products with rather disappointing overall image quality. Maybe we should ask for bigger verions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ApoC Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 emailed em, lets see what kinda reply i get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Oh no you DIDN'T?! *snaps fingers repeatedly* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonthert Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 The next person who inadvertantly refers to me as being from the phylum arthropoda is going to get a serious a$$-whoopin'. Nobody calls me a shrimp and gets away with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR Bubble Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 [quote name='mushrat'][url="http://www.waterpijpen.nl/waterpijp.html"]http://www.waterpijpen.nl/waterpijp.html[/url] WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THAT???[/quote] Well Howard, maybe the agony of defeat? MR Bubble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mushrat Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 oh..i see..it didnt actually kink to the picture I was looking at ...here..this is what is was talking about: Now... WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THAT??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Though your curiosity is only natural, experience has told me not to ask what any extra holes in products are for if their function is not immediately apparant...you may not have meant to type it down, but I think "kink" describes it perfectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yashman19 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 [quote name='mushrat']WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THAT???[/quote] That my friend, looks to be a 12hose hookah...Man, can you imagine how fast the bowl on that thing would get tapped if you actually had 12 people puffing away on that thing? If there was 12 people sucking at one time, there is no way anyone would come away with any smoke. Well, maybe the hardest puffer would a little cloud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzing Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 i challenge you all to a 12-hose-off.... i will steal all of your smoke .... lungs of steel, you know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sariél Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I know what it is: A curio piece that will sit on the shelf while you pass the single hose around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonthert Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 What is the purpose of a multi-hose rotating hookah? Stupidest thing ever.Isn't it like wearing a belt and suspenders? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR Bubble Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 [quote name='mushrat']oh..i see..it didnt actually kink to the picture I was looking at ...here..this is what is was talking about: Now... WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THAT???[/quote] Oh, in THAT case Howard, I would call that "The thrill of victory." (Do any of you know what in hell I'm talking about?) MR Bubble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sariél Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Actually, I think its a reference to Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles:"What in the wid, wide world of sports is a-going on here? I pay you boys to build a railroad, not jump around like a bunh of Kansas City faggots!"but are you sure it wasn't the agony of defeat (with graphic of cartwheeling skier)Yes, we're old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR Bubble Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Yes, The Wide World of Sports. "The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat." Used to be a Saturday afternoon staple for us. I remember one of those shows used to play ELO's Fire on High. The crap that starts coming back. But it is an interesting looking machine, even if it is gimmicky. MR Bubble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tico Posted February 4, 2006 Author Share Posted February 4, 2006 [quote name='MR Bubble']But it is an interesting looking machine, even if it is gimmicky. MR Bubble[/quote] "Interesting" is a term you use to describe modern art when you don't want to offend the artist. Seems appriopriate enough, though I can't say I have any problems with offending this guy per se... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sariél Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Yes, you tone was somewhat offensive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mushrat Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I'm offended... what were we talking about? lesbian skiiers? whose feet? "why you shifty _____, they said you was hung!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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