Official Hf Fml Thread...

[Tyler]

So two days ago I checked my e-mail and I had a message from the department of Theology from Xavier. In it, I was told, along with all other 86 members of the program, that there were budget cuts put into place and that they're only keeping 40 people in the program...with preference going to those who were 9 or less credits from graduation. So now, I am looking for a new school/program. FML

[mitchard]

So there is this cute girl who works in a store down the way from where I used to work. After going in there for a few months and randomly chatting it up, I decided to give her my number since it was my last day. My buddy went in there yesterday, and some of her coworkers asked about me. Found out shes 16, despite the fact she looks of legal age. I think I'm on pedo status with them now. FML

[SuburbanSmoker]

so im getting some food with a couple of fellow smokers and start talking about how a girl i used to hang out with was obsessed. they asked me why and i told them it was because i wouldnt have sex with her because i thought she was crazy and to put it nicely dirty. she walks into the restuarant and the couple next to us stand up and start chatting with her while im there with my buds. they were her friends who heard everything. FML

[SilentBob]

Reading fmlife.com reminds me of how much I'm not getting laid. FML.

[An1m]

So there is this cute girl who works in a store down the way from where I used to work. After going in there for a few months and randomly chatting it up, I decided to give her my number since it was my last day. My buddy went in there yesterday, and some of her coworkers asked about me. Found out shes 16, despite the fact she looks of legal age. I think I'm on pedo status with them now. FML

Dunno where you're from but just about everywhere in this country, 16 is legal so unfuck your life, fuck her, thank me later.

[ColibriDon]

Reading fmlife.com reminds me of how much I'm not getting laid. FML.

Same. haha

[mustang_steve]

Two weeks ago I was told by a prospective employer I got a job as a contractor....well this job had killer pay, so I was totally stoked....then later that day I get a call about how the job project got suspended and I'm out of luck...being unemployed pisses me off...FML

[tinyj316]

I called my mom and told her I got my girlfriend pregnant... She jumped right back and said "You can't impregnate your right hand" FML...

[Giant Ninja Robot]

This was years ago b4 I was married and we were still dating.

My Dad promised that since my GF (now wife) was about to get kicked out of her house by her crazy mother that she'd have a place with us for a bit untill we figured out what to do. She was kicked out sooner than we expected and so she packed a couple bags and we walked 8 miles to my house from hers with luggage...Dad got home, told me I couldn't have my homeless girlfriend sleeping on our couch even just for a few days. Argument ensued, my GF and I went outside to cool down, I look up from the porch when I hear a click to see my dad had locked the door and walked away. He than told me through the window about 5 minutes later that I could choose to stay with her while she was homeless but in that case I would be homeless as well. We had no money or car, and I had to break into my own house the next day to get some of my stuff.

That was how at age 17 I was kicked out of my home and became homeless. FML.

I guess it turned out ok...last laugh's on him.

[Stuie]

1 month into my new job today. Having some email problems on our exchange server. Tired from working all day, and bring work home every night to catch up to getting this place in shape for the past month straight. I said screw it and ran updates on our exchange server. Exchange had a massive update which led to downtime.... 2 hours worth so I canceled the update and exchange is still down. My boss is pissed, I am freaking out... it's 7:22 and I am still at work and haven't eaten since 7 this morning. Not sure if I can fix my mistake with out reverting to a week old backup that will piss a lot more people off and loose who know how much important data and emails. FML.

[Dr. B]

I had a couple filing income taxes under my counsel at work today - nothing out of the ordinary. They were both previously married and the husband owed child support to his ex wife. In Texas we garnish income for child support and the wife didn't want her withholding to pay her husband's child support so I processed an injured spouse worksheet to separate her liability from his. I don't get a chance to do many of these, so I was stumbling over words trying to explain in plain english what exactly was going to happen if they filed it.

In doing so I referred to the woman, the injured spouse, as the battered wife. twice. They weren't happy.
FML

[Hippo_Master]

I had to clean up a cat piss stain in the living room today. FML

[inino]

kind of serious, maybe not as much as some of the other ones.

- I quit playing wow after 2 years of 12+ hours a day on average, was good for about 6 months, then bam my cousin gets me into a new game called runes of magic which is slowly starting to take over. Im 3 weeks in and im not sure how deep this will go. FML

[Hojo]

My throat is sore so I decided to take some cold medicine. I grabbed the box, reached into it, and took out a loose tearaway square of pills. I took them, and as I was putting the box back I noticed that the pills I took did not look anything like the picture of the pills on the box. I looked in the box to see the pills I was supposed to be taking, and I have no idea what the pills I took actually are. FML

[jayeee07]

My throat is sore so I decided to take some cold medicine. I grabbed the box, reached into it, and took out a loose tearaway square of pills. I took them, and as I was putting the box back I noticed that the pills I took did not look anything like the picture of the pills on the box. I looked in the box to see the pills I was supposed to be taking, and I have no idea what the pills I took actually are. FML

go to drugs.com and look them up in the pill identifier. 

[ilikemyusername]

i stubbed my toe on my way to the laundry room wich is outside, it sucked, but on the way back in i stubbed the SAME toe and split my nail, dropped all me clean clothes in a wet spot by the hose i was using to water the plants 5 minutes prior. FML.

[cotsi95]

You all know me.....FYL!!!

[outbreakpb]

You all know me.....FYL!!!

ahahaha

[ilikemyusername]

so, the stupid cats knocked over my nefertiti and the bohemian vase exploded into shards. I drove around all damn day yesterday looking for something to stick my stem in (that sounds funny) any way, I finally found this vase at a pier one. The only problem I have is the color is wrong, but it works. I think I'll paint it up nicely, what do you guys think?

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk51/jo...sername/005.jpg
http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk51/jo...sername/006.jpg
http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk51/jo...me/hookah03.jpg
http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk51/jo...sername/008.jpg



--------------------
MZ Ftw.


then i broke it. fml.

[Hojo]

Today, while checking homework, my Spanish teacher told me in front of the entire class that I could probably miss every single class and still make an A. She then asked me what I put down for the next question on the homework. I got it wrong. FML

[garykainz]

Today, I left a very expensive piece of sound recording equipment on the bus. I've been calling the bus stations and no one has turned it in. I'm going to get late fees for not returning it to the rental place, and I'll have to buy a new one. I left it because I was super tired because I had stayed up really late finishing a "soundscape" project which ( I found out when I turned it in) was due Wednesday, and not today. FML

[gaia.plateau]

Last year, while biking home from class, some douche cut me off coming out of an alley and I had to stop quickly. I fucked up the front tire on my bike, destroyed my toes and toenails on my right foot as I was wearing sandals, and the left pedal gouged several huge holes in my calf which took months to heal. There was a bunch of people coming so I quickly hobbled into the alley to avoid embarrassment.

I then hobbled/pedaled home, which sucked ass. I took the tire off my bike to used as a crutch, and made my way into my basement suite. I put some ozenol on my wound, and sat down in front of my computer to have a pint of Guinness and call the local Staples to see about returning a shitty tape recorder I had bought the day earlier for $100. Now, if you know anything about drinking Guinness, you know that you have to pierce the can as you're pouring to get the perfect pint.

So there I am, tired and addled with pain, my bluetooth earpiece ringing and awaiting the voice of the receptionist on the other end... and I forget to open the tab first. The second that the receptionist answers, I pierce the can and the delicious nectar of the goods sprays out everywhere; in my face, all over my keyboard and monitor, on the fucking ceiling, and all over my wound, and there's me going "AAAARRRGH" the very moment that I connect to Staples. The receptionist was all like "Oh my god don't ever call her again", stupid bitch.

So then I rebandage my wounds, and call my lesbo friend Kate to cry and moan. As we start talking and I'm venting about the shitty day I've had, I'm pacing around the room using a cane that I keep for just such situations, and pissed off I kick one of my 45 pound freeweights super fucking hard and destroy my shattered toes even further. I respond with a "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU" and collapse to the bed, weeping.

FML. Edited April 6, 2009 by gaia.plateau

[TheScotsman]

Last year, while biking home from class, some douche cut me off coming out of an alley and I had to stop quickly. I fucked up the front tire on my bike, destroyed my toes and toenails on my right foot as I was wearing sandals, and the left pedal gouged several huge holes in my calf which took months to heal. There was a bunch of people coming so I quickly hobbled into the alley to avoid embarrassment.

I then hobbled/pedaled home, which sucked ass. I took the tire off my bike to used as a crutch, and made my way into my basement suite. I put some ozenol on my wound, and sat down in front of my computer to have a pint of Guinness and call the local Staples to see about returning a shitty tape recorder I had bought the day earlier for $100. Now, if you know anything about drinking Guinness, you know that you have to pierce the can as you're pouring to get the perfect pint.

So there I am, tired and addled with pain, my bluetooth earpiece ringing and awaiting the voice of the receptionist on the other end... and I forget to open the tab first. The second that the receptionist answers, I pierce the can and the delicious nectar of the goods sprays out everywhere; in my face, all over my keyboard and monitor, on the fucking ceiling, and all over my wound, and there's me going "AAAARRRGH" the very moment that I connect to Staples. The receptionist was all like "Oh my god don't ever call her again", stupid bitch.

So then I rebandage my wounds, and call my lesbo friend Kate to cry and moan. As we start talking and I'm venting about the shitty day I've had, I'm pacing around the room using a cane that I keep for just such situations, and pissed off I kick one of my 45 pound freeweights super fucking hard and destroy my shattered toes even further. I respond with a "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU" and collapse to the bed, weeping.

FML.

You didn't take advantage of that fine Canadian healthcare?


I can relate to clearing the datum to avoid embarrassment. Scrape yourself off the tarmac and hobble off as fast as possible... check for funny dangling bits of flesh later.

[gaia.plateau]

I hate doctors.

And my god there's a lot of typos in that. *use as a crutch, nectar of the *gods, don't ever call *here again.

[mitchard]

So there is this cute girl who works in a store down the way from where I used to work. After going in there for a few months and randomly chatting it up, I decided to give her my number since it was my last day. My buddy went in there yesterday, and some of her coworkers asked about me. Found out shes 16, despite the fact she looks of legal age. I think I'm on pedo status with them now. FML

Dunno where you're from but just about everywhere in this country, 16 is legal so unfuck your life, fuck her, thank me later.

You are a bad man.

I'll be 21 next month. I think that's pushing it a little too far. Haha.