Movie Script Contest (just For Fun)

[Charley]

http://pageawards.com is holding its annual script writers awards contest the last submission date is May 1st with a top prize of $25,000 that is 26 days from this post.

I was thinking just for fun anyone interested can team up and work together to make a movie script about hookah smokers. working together to "bang out a scrip almost overnight" just for the fun of it and hey if we win we can split any prize money. (but the point here is not to win but rather to just see if we can and to have fun in the process.)

hookah smokers are some of the brightest minds in the world, and also some of the most artistic.
some of us are better at writing than others. while some of us are better at coming up with ideas. and some of us are even better at adding constructive criticism that would be taken into consideration to help mold and refine this project.

Keeping the focus of the scrip hookah related since that seems to be our thing may even be a way to help address misconceptions about us and our hobby/love/life as the case may be.

is anyone interested in this idea?

[ZWAN]

oh man thats too soon!
my dream is to become a cartoon screen writer
how long is it supposed to be if you know? movie? tv?

[Charley]

well im going to go ahead and start this If you are interested in joining in you may do so at any time. I am going to post a few of my ideas just to get the ball rolling. and just because these are my ideas dose not meen we have to use them this is a group effort and ideas will be based as such.


my story outline (this is just a basic idea please feel free to add to it or post your own.)
action adventure/comedy

A hookah lounge owner has the top bid on a hand made antique hookah. when it arrives he proudly puts it on display in his lounge only to have it stolen at gun point with nothing else taken. the next day three more men show up asking questions about it. The lounge owner and friend/employee along with two customers overhear the men talking about the hookah and how it is really one of 5 that when combined the etchings on the side form a map to a treasure. the hookah owner and his friend along with the two customers unbeknowenst to the lounge owner set out to track down the hookah and its counter parts leading them to Central America and the middle east. where they encounter scores of other treasure hunters who all want the hookahs for themselves.

[ZWAN]

I must say when I envisioned a hookah story I was stumped but that seems pretty interesting
are you going for the more adventure script? that idea could turn into quite the hilarious comedy/adventure

[Charley]

FEATURE FILM SCRIPTS (80-130 pages)

SHORT FILM SCRIPTS (under 40 pages)

ORIGINAL TV PILOTS (30-70 pages)

are all eligible but I would prefer to enter the FEATURE FILM section.

[Charley]

I must say when I envisioned a hookah story I was stumped but that seems pretty interesting
are you going for the more adventure script? that idea could turn into quite the hilarious comedy/adventure

yes are you in?

[ZWAN]

a full movie script is a daunting task
id be so down any other month but final exams are in a couple weeks
I don't know how involved I can get, but I am down for idea generation, editing, and possibly a few pages of dialogue
fuck, any other month and I would be so stoked

[Charley]

to me the outline that I came up with is completly original but yet contains a bit of nastalgia for the old comedys of the past such as jewel of the Nile, romancing the stone, Million Dollar Mystery (the movie rat race was based on), and many others along those lines only with hookahs

[Charley]

Also did I mention this could be a great opportunity for shameless promotion of out favorite shisha brands, lounges, and hookahforum.com lol

[ilikemyusername]

sounds like a fun time

[Charley]

ok we need

character names

Places of interest

plot ideas

any thing else you think we should have before we start writing

[Charley]

this site has alot of movie scripts on it just so you can get an idea of how one should look.

http://www.script-o-rama.com/

[Charley]

THE OPENING SCENES:


Fade In:

music starts playing as:
The camera moves haphazardly around a semi crowded hookah loung full of happy peaople drinking coffee, eating, smoking there hookahs and obliviously involved in there own convorsations.

making its way around the room it soon finds its way to a man sitting behind the counter typing a bid into a computer for an internet aution.

A man walks up behind him and places both hands on the back of his chair and pushes down causing the man in the chair to lurch forward in an atempt to stedy himself.

(Joey) Hey, Dave you still bidding on that damn thing?

(Dave) [in an angry voice:] Yes, and ive told you dont lean on the back of my fucking chair!

(Joey) jeeze sorry. you dont have to yell at me I forgot. but comeon the trucks here lets get this shit unloaded were almost out of mint.

Cut to the ally behind the building:

we see a small dilivery truck with a man sorting boxes in the back, as the back door to the building opens and joey and dave walk out.

(Tom) hey guys, looks like you have a big delivery this week.

(dave) Yea, but I dont know how many more will have if this damn smoking ban passes.

Tom tosses a box at joey who catches it and caries it inside, dave follows suit after catching his box joey walks back out to get another

(Dave) hey be carful with these some of them have replacment bases in them.

Joey turns to his head to the buildings back door

(joey)[in a raised voice] dont worrie I got this.

joey turns his head back to the truck just intime to see a box flying through the air wich hits him directly in the face nocking him down with a sound of shattering glass.

Cut to the inside of the bar Dave is once again looking at the computer joey standing behind him with a bandage covering his nose.

[Charley]

We need a title for the script and also I am not good at writing dialog can someone critique it so it sounds more natural?

also remeber the descriptive parts of a movie script should be simple to follow but still lay out a good mental picture of what you want the audiance to see. (in other words they just need to be basic simple and to the point unlike what you would find in a book.)

its the actual dialog that needs to be "perfect" becuase that is what the audience will hear.

[Charley]

heh forgot to speel cheack that part of the script I know most things are misspelled.

(and yes for those of you who have trouble with written word sarcasm I know speel cheack is misseeled too.)

[Charley]

oops didnt post the end of the scene so here it is (its not speel cheaked eathier lol)


(joey)[in a naisly voice] come on its closing time lets get the hell out of here.

(Dave) alright lets go.

dave and joey walk off camera as the the camera moves closer to the computer screen wich is out of focus the lights in the lounge go dark except for the monitor wich now comes into focus to show an antuiqe looking solid brass hookah and a counter clicking down the seconds till the auction ends. the counter reaches zero and a screen pops up saying congradulations you have the winning bid.

fade out:

[Charley]

ok here are some of the Egyptian names and there meanings of characters that have not yet been worked into the script.

I do not know Egyptian names very well so I did a google search on them if these names or there meanings are not accurate or "believable" please let me know.

Odji Apep - main bad guy. -only char with both a first and last name so far.


# ODJI: Egyptian name meaning "wicked."

#APEP: Egyptian name, possibly connected to the root pp,

meaning "to slither." In mythology, Apep is the personification

of evil, seen as a giant snake, serpent or dragon. Known as the

Serpent of the Nile or Evil Lizard, he was an enemy of the sun

god.


ADJO- the ciro shop keeper

# ADJO: Egyptian name meaning "treasure."

KAFELE- ADJO's friend who is killed in his shop.

KAFELE: Egyptian name meaning "would die for.

MINKAH - Kafele's son

# MINKAH: Egyptian name meaning "justice."

[Sylren]

I like your idea it seems totally fun and definitely something I would watch. I would love to help out but I honestly don't know if I have any sort of Imagination/Talent. I'm gonna brain storm and get back to you if I have any cool ides

[Charley]

cool thanks


I am going to get to work on the next scene ill post what i have in a little while

[Charley]

ok the next scene i have

this gets a little dark be warned.

fade in:

exterior

a crowded street in Ciro. three men in dark suits walk to a very old looking antuiqe shop. the first man walks inside as the other two take guard outside the door.
the camera moves through the door to the inside of the shop at a very fast pace coming up behind the man and quickly doing a 360 degree pan of the man before going to through the rest of the shop and entering another door to a back room where it brings two older bearded men playing backgammon into focus.

(Adjo) [flailing his arms up} I do not know why I still play this blasted game with you the way you cheat.

as soon as that has been said the man in the dark suit comes into the frame of the doorway gun in hand.

(Odji Apep) I do not think his cheating is your greatest problem right now my friend. where is it?

the second bearded man stands.

(Kafele)[in a harsh tone] where is what? Why are you here!


Odji Apep pulls the tiger of his gun and shoots Kafele in the head blood splatters across the backgammon board and Adjo's face as his body falls to the floor.


(Odji Apep) I was not talking to you old man. now tell me where is it?

(Adjo) It is someplace you will never reach it.

Odji Apep pulls the tiger of his gun again hitting Adjo in the leg

(Odji Apep) I am not here to play games old man.

(Adjo) [pulling himself back up into his chair] are you sure the board is already set up? and i do seem to be short an aponit now.

the camera pulls back out of the store room and into the shop two shots are fired

Cut to the front of the shop

the two men standing guard turn and look at the door as Odji Apep appears within the door frame

(Odji Apep) Help me search this place.

the camera follows the men inside as they beguin there search tearing though boxes and paperwork.

(man in suit #1) Odji sir there dose not seem to be anything here. we should go

Odji Apep pulls his gun out and shoots the man in the foot the man jumps around in pain

(Odji Apep)[in a stern voice]I will say when we leave. now get back to your search!

Odji Apep then pushes over the filing cabinet he is standing by.

(Odji Apep) [in a low whisper to himself] curse you old man where is it?

there is a beep and Odji Apep looks up to see a computer sitting behind the shop counter.

(Odji Apep) [in a low whisper to himself] you thought you were clever old man, but now I shall have it.

fade out:

[Charley]

the parts of the script that i am posting right now are a rough draft of a rough draft the process that i use usually takes about 2 weeks to finish the first rough draft followed by a rewrite to fix things that don't work and add "filler" followed by a second rewrite to do the same thing once again followed by a few "polishing" stages to get the dialog to sound natural.

each stage takes me on average about 2-3 weeks so this is going to be a real challenge.


also anyone who dose add anything to this gets put onto it as a co writer. even if its something small if its in the final draft it counts. if this dose actually win all co writers get an equal share of the prize money.

You are all welcome to add or change any part of this script that i have posted this is a team effort and its a hell of a lot of fun.

[ElijahSing]

Slightly edited First Scene!



THE OPENING SCENES:
Fade In:

Middle-Eastern music gently starts playing as:

[The camera moves haphazardly around a semi-crowded hookah lounge, full of happy people drinking coffee, eating and smoking their hookahs while obliviously involved in there own conversations.
Making its way around the room, the camera soon finds its way to a man sitting behind the counter typing a bid into a computer for an internet auction.
Another man walks up behind him and places both hands on the back of his chair and playfully pushes down causing the man in the chair to lurch forward in an attempt to steady himself.]

(Joey) Hey Dave,[sarcastically] are you still bidding on that damn thing?

(Dave) [In an angry voice:] Yes, and I’ve told you not to lean on the back of my fucking chair!

(Joey) Jeeze, sorry man! You don’t have to yell at me, I forgot. But c’mon, the trucks here, lets get this shit unloaded. We’re almost out of mint.

(Dave) Okay give me a second.

[Dave then glances at the screen once more, murmurs something and kisses the necklace around his neck for good luck.]

[Cut to the ally behind the building.
We see a small delivery truck with a man sorting boxes in the back. The back door to the building opens while Joey and Dave walk out. ]

(Tom) hey guys, looks like you have a big delivery this week.

(Dave) Yea, but I don’t know how many more will have if this damn smoking ban passes.

[Tom tosses a box at Joey who catches it and carries it inside, Dave follows suit after catching his box. Joey walks back out to get another. ]

(Dave) hey! Be careful with these! Some of them have replacement bases in them!

[Joey turns to his head to the buildings back door.]

(Joey)[in a raised voice] Don’t worry, I got this.

[Joey turns his head back to the truck just in time to see a box flying through the air which hits him directly in the face, knocking him down with a sound of shattering glass.
Cut to the inside of the bar, Dave is once again looking at the computer, Joey standing behind him with a bandage covering his nose.]

(Joey)[In a nasally voice] come on its closing time, and I’ve got a date tonight! lets get the hell out of here.

(Dave)[Snickering silently] you’re such a liar, alright let’s go.

[Dave and Joey walk off stage as the camera moves closer to the computer screen which is out of focus. The lights in the lounge go dark except for the monitor which now comes into focus to show an antique looking solid brass hookah and a counter clicking down the seconds till the auction ends. The counter reaches zero and a screen pops up saying congratulations! You have the winning bid!]

fade out:

[Charley]

that's great heh I cant read joeys lines now without hearing Randell's voice from clerks in my head lol

[cotsi95]

i just want "shun the non believer" ......."SHUNNNN!" in it and ill be happy!

[Charley]

ok im picturing a whacked out cult that warships one of the hookahs saying that.


before dave and joey steal it from them


then the cult changes shun to kill. Edited April 5, 2009 by Charley