Movie Script Contest (just For Fun)

[Hobbs]

This is a project I am willing to entertain, perhaps without significant development however.

I'm going to be working on a rough outline, then I will present my ideas to you. I would love to collaborate, but at first I believe I need to push my own story, then adapt it into yours if it fits the bill.

Right, right, right, thank you for telling us about this.

[Sylren]

that's great heh I cant read joeys lines now without hearing Randell's voice from clerks in my head lol

HAHA, me too!

[Charley]

a little more of the script:

I need help with the rude customer in this scene I cant make his sarcasm sound right when he is belittling joey
I want the words to be stretched out but no way I type it looks right.




fade in:
[Middle-Eastern music gently starts playing as: outside the lounge the camera is stationary as people walk by at an accelerated rate going about there business. a delivery man walks into frame at the same speed carrying a large package and heads into the lounge door the camera follows him at the same pace. the delivery man reaches the counter and stands behind a customer the camera slows to a normal pace now.]

(customer) [talking loudly into a cellphone] I don't care if your husband just died If your late on one more payment we will have no choice but to foreclose, hang on a minute.
[the customer turns his attention to joey who is behind the counter] hey Barista i want a Grande Half-Caf Café Mocha and none of that soy shit im allergic. [turning his attention back to the phone] listen mom I got to go ill call you back later.

(joey) Im sorry sir we don't speak Starbucks here what the hell did you order?

[the customer slips his cellphone into his pocket]

(customer) [in a condescending voice] oh sorry Ill order again in retard so you understand me. I want a [stretching the words out slowly, and pretending to use sign language] B I G C O F F E E W I T H S T E A M E D M I L K IN IT W I T H C H O C O L E T A N D F O A M [man stops signing] and don't use soy milk.

(joey) wow im not sure I know how to make something like that but I can give it a try

[joey mixes up the drink and hands it to the man]

[the man pays joey and joey hands him his change. Dave walks up behind joey the man walks away]

(Dave) I am impressed I thought for sure you would insult that guy for being such a jerk.

(joey) naw im a firm believer in karma.

(Dave) you mean what comes around goes around?

(joey) exactly

[joey picks up a container of soy milk and walks over to the fridge and places it inside and walks off cammera dave turns his attention to the delivery man]

(delivery man) I have a package for one Mr. Dave Adams.

(Dave) Im Dave Adams

[the delivery man sets the box on the counter and hands Dave a clipboard]

(delivery man) I need you to sign here

[Dave signs for the package and picks it up]

(delivery man) thank you sir have a nice day.

(Dave) you too.

[Dave walks off camera with the box]

cut to Dave's office in the store room.

[ Dave opens the box and pulls out a solid brass hookah with an elaborately etched base. joey walks in frame] Edited April 6, 2009 by Charley

[Charley]

oops cut to Dave's office in the store room.

[ Dave opens the box and pulls out a solid brass hookah with an elaborately etched base. joey walks in frame]
is the bugining of the next scene please disreguard that part till later.

[Charley]

ok here is some more also i spliced all the previous scenes into this one to make it easier to read what we have so far

really need someone to "polish" and "fluff" this to make it read better and and add some more time to each scene.


Fade In:

Middle-Eastern music gently starts playing as:

[The camera moves haphazardly around a semi-crowded hookah lounge, full of happy people drinking coffee, eating and smoking their hookahs while obliviously involved in there own conversations.
Making its way around the room, the camera soon finds its way to a man sitting behind the counter typing a bid into a computer for an internet auction.
Another man walks up behind him and places both hands on the back of his chair and playfully pushes down causing the man in the chair to lurch forward in an attempt to steady himself.]

(Joey) Hey Dave,[sarcastically] are you still bidding on that damn thing?

(Dave) [In an angry voice:] Yes, and I’ve told you not to lean on the back of my fucking chair!

(Joey) Jeeze, sorry man! You don’t have to yell at me, I forgot. But c’mon, the trucks here, lets get this shit unloaded. We’re almost out of mint.

(Dave) Okay give me a second.

[Dave then glances at the screen once more, murmurs something and kisses the necklace around his neck for good luck.]

[Cut to the ally behind the building.
We see a small delivery truck with a man sorting boxes in the back. The back door to the building opens while Joey and Dave walk out. ]

(Tom) hey guys, looks like you have a big delivery this week.

(Dave) Yea, but I don’t know how many more will have if this damn smoking ban passes.

[Tom tosses a box at Joey who catches it and carries it inside, Dave follows suit after catching his box. Joey walks back out to get another. ]

(Dave) hey! Be careful with these! Some of them have replacement bases in them!

[Joey turns to his head to the buildings back door.]

(Joey)[in a raised voice] Don’t worry, I got this.

[Joey turns his head back to the truck just in time to see a box flying through the air which hits him directly in the face, knocking him down with a sound of shattering glass.
Cut to the inside of the bar, Dave is once again looking at the computer, Joey standing behind him with a bandage covering his nose.]

(Joey)[In a nasally voice] come on its closing time, and I’ve got a date tonight! lets get the hell out of here.

(Dave)[Snickering silently] you’re such a liar, alright let’s go.

[Dave and Joey walk off stage as the camera moves closer to the computer screen which is out of focus. The lights in the lounge go dark except for the monitor which now comes into focus to show an antique looking solid brass hookah and a counter clicking down the seconds till the auction ends. The counter reaches zero and a screen pops up saying congratulations! You have the winning bid!]

fade out:

fade in:

extirior

a crowded street in ciro. three men in dark suits walk to a very old looking antuiqe shop. the first man walks inside as the other two take guard outside the door.
the camera moves through the door to the inside of the shop at a very fast pace coming up behind the man and quickly doing a 360 degree pan of the man before going to through the rest of the shop and entering another door to a back room where it brings two older bearded men playing backgamon into focus.

(Adjo) [flailing his arms up} I do not know why I still play this blasted game with you the way you cheat.

as soon as that has been said the man in the dark suit comes into the frame of the doorway gun in hand.

(Odji Apep) I do not think his cheating is your greatest problem right now my friend. where is it?

the second bearded man stands.

(Kafele)[in a harsh tone] where is what? Why are you here!


Odji Apep pulls the triger of his gun and shoots Kafele in the head blood splaters across the backgamen bord and Adjo's face as his body falls to the floor.


(Odji Apep) I was not talking to you old man. now tell me where is it?

(Adjo) It is someplace you will never reach it.

Odji Apep pulls the triger of his gun again hitting Adjo in the leg

(Odji Apep) I am not here to play games old man.

(Adjo) [pulling himself back up into his chair] are you sure the bord is already set up? and i do seem to be short an aponit now.

the camera pulls back out of the store room and into the shop two shots are fierd

Cut to the front of the shop

the two men standing guard turn and look at the door as Odji Apep apears within the door frame

(Odji Apep) Help me search this place.

the camera follows the men inside as they beguin there search tearing though boxes and paperwork.

(man in suit #1) Odji sir there dose not seem to be anything here. we should go

Odji Apep pulls his gun out and shoots the man in the foot the man jumps around in pain

(Odji Apep)[in a stern voice]I will say when we leave. now get back to your search!

Odji Apep then pushes over the fileing cabbnet he is standing by.

(Odji Apep) [in a low whisper to himself] curse you old man where is it?

there is a beep and Odji Apep looks up to see a computer sitting behind the shop counter.

(Odji Apep) [in a low whisper to himself] you thought you were clever old man, but now I shall have it.

fade out:




fade in:
[Middle-Eastern music gently starts playing as: outside the lounge the camera is stationary as people walk by at an accelerated rate going about there business. a delivery man walks into frame at the same speed carrying a large package and heads into the lounge door the camera follows him at the same pace. the delivery man reaches the counter and stands behind a customer the camera slows to a normal pace now.]

(customer) [talking loudly into a cellphone] I don't care if your husband just died If your late on one more payment we will have no choice but to foreclose, hang on a minute.
[the customer turns his attention to joey who is behind the counter] hey Barista i want a Grande Half-Caf Café Mocha and none of that soy shit im allergic. [turning his attention back to the phone] listen mom I got to go ill call you back later.

(joey) Im sorry sir we don't speak Starbucks here what the hell did you order?

[the customer slips his cellphone into his pocket]

(customer) [in a condescending voice] oh sorry Ill order again in retard so you understand me. I want a [stretching the words out slowly, and pretending to use sign language] B I G C O F F E E W I T H S T E A M E D M I L K IN IT W I T H C H O C O L E T A N D F O A M [man stops signing] and don't use soy milk.

(joey) wow im not sure I know how to make something like that but I can give it a try

[joey mixes up the drink and hands it to the man]

[the man pays joey and joey hands him his change. Dave walks up behind joey the man walks away]

(Dave) I am impressed I thought for sure you would insult that guy for being such a jerk.

(joey) naw im a firm believer in karma.

(Dave) you mean what comes around goes around?

(joey) exactly

[joey picks up a container of soy milk and walks over to the fridge and places it inside and walks off cammera dave turns his attention to the delivery man]

(delivery man) I have a package for one Mr. Dave Adams.

(Dave) Im Dave Adams

[the delivery man sets the box on the counter and hands Dave a clipboard]

(delivery man) I need you to sign here

[Dave signs for the package and picks it up]

(delivery man) thank you sir have a nice day.

(Dave) you too.

[Dave walks off camera with the box]

cut to Dave's office in the store room.

[ Dave opens the box and pulls out a solid brass hookah with an elaborately etched base. joey walks in frame]

(joey) so that the hookah? it looks like an old piece of junk to me.

[Dave sits the hookah on the floor to get a better look at it]

(Dave) It an antique. of course its going to look old.

(joey) what ever bro Im just sayin for what you paid for that we could have a whole lounge full of KMs

[Dave stands up and picks up the hookah]

(Dave) well if this smoking ban passes all I would have is a basement full of KMs. this is an investment.

[Dave walks to the door of the stock room]

(Dave) and i think it will look good on the shelf behind the counter.

[cut to the sidewalk outside of the lounge just before sunset we see a man in a green jacket and sunglasses reach into his jacket and then walk into the door]

[cut to a busy joey and Dave behind the counter as customers come and go placing orders the man walks up to the counter and opens his jacket to revile his hand on a gun to joey then closes his jacket again)

(joey) hey man take it easy the cash is all yours.

(man with gun) give me the hookah

(joey) sure pal which one you want?

(man with gun) don't play with me you know wich one

(joey) [picking up a small blue based hookah] this one?

[the man jumps over the counter, pulls his gun and smacks joey in the face with the butt. the man the grabs the brass hookah from its place of display behind the counter and runs quickly out of the lounge as customers are screaming and running in every diresction Dave runs over to joey]

(Dave) are you alright?

(joey)[putting his hands over his face] I think that asshole broke my nose.

[Dave stands up reaching for the phone and dials 911]

cut to the sidewalk outside just after sunset

[middle eastern style music is playing as we see Dave standing out front talking to some policemen while an ERT is placing a bandage on joeys nose in the background]

fade out: