Attn: Ladies Of The Forum...all Four Of You

[dafunk5446]

First off, I think there is more than four of us on here, thanks.

Sorry, that was my lame attempt at humor...

So my girlfriend wants me to take her out to a nice dinner...like really nice. I was thinking it would be nice to give her a present before we go, like a new pair of earrings or something. Only problem is I am broke sad.gif....so I cant afford to get her new earrings AND take her out. Then I realized I have a few hundred dollars worth of nice fancy feathers that I use for tying fishing lures, and I figured I could rig something up.

This is just a prototype, I threw this together in a few minutes just to see how it would look.

Can you give me some constructive criticism? Would you wear something like this? Do they look ok? Or is this just a dumb idea?

Since you asked for constructive criticism, but didn't specify what you wanted constructive criticism on, I will interpret it slightly.

Lol, Thanks for the great post, I really enjoyed your insights. As you said, I was not to clear on the criticism I was looking for, nor clear in my description of the situation.

1), she will likely like them or love them. If she is in 2), she will probably hate them because they didn't cost much or don't have an Italian designer's name on them. She will be polite and accept them, but be disappointed. The sex following dinner will be short and unimaginative, perhaps not at all. If she's in 3) You will know about it immediately.

I would have to say she is in group 1, she really is an amazing women. She has to be to put up with my ass! I also would have to say that she is way out of my league, so it is clearly obvious, to me at least, that she is anything but shallow. I know she will like the earrings (she is stupidly sentimental), I was more or less wondering if the earrings looked good enough to wear.

The fact that your girlfriend wants you to take her out for an expensive meal is usually a sign of #2 or #3. If I'm buying dinner, I decide when and where its going to be. If she wants to buy dinner (because my ass is broke) she gets to decide. If she requests or presumes to want to go out to an expensive place, when you are paying and you are broke, thats not cool. If you were uber-rich, thats one thing. If you're broke, she shouldn't make you spend yourself into debt for dinner. Celebratory or not is irrelevant. Will she propose you buy her a new BMW, too? You can't afford that either. It signals bad future. What about if you get married? How will you save money for a house if she wants to spend you into the poor house when you're broke? Is she going to change when you get married? Why would she and why isn't she acting that way now? I would suggest getting things on a more even keel now. I'm a firm believer in two equal partners in a relationship. Once you get on this tilted spending money thing, its hard to come back. Its good policy to begin this way from the second date on(Buying dinner the first time is fine, but tell them what rules you would like to follow) Here's what I've done with several of my ex-girlfriends:

Again I should have clarified on this, lol. She did not directly tell me, I HAD to take her out. She merely suggested that we should go out for a nice dinner after classes. I assumed responsibility for the payment of said dinner (we normally split costs, like you suggested.) As for her spending habits....well she doesnt have any. She is great with money. She pays for all the bills with her money and we use the money I bring in and split it between our savings account, or use it for any extra expenses we have. What I was meaning by being broke is that I wont have any extra money till after finals are over and I can pick up extra hours at work.

I agree completely about the need for an equal relationship. Cooperation from both sides is need for a healthy and long relationship. I have no worries about our relationship.

Thanks for the comments though I really did appreciate them.

[SilverK]

I'm one of the four women here and I'm definitely one of those women in group #1 that you guys have defined.

Regardless of my group status, the first earrings were so-so (meaning I might not wear them very often cuz they wouldn't go with many of my clothes, and I like to dress up because it makes me look cuter).

But the SECOND EARRINGS are wicked hot and those could be worn much more often. Like with jeans and t-shirts or with something in the blue/teal color range. AND they "pop" when they're hanging by your hair, more so than the brown ones would show up mixed in with my hair. So the second pair are very cute and look like stuff my daughter buys all the time (she's a teenager and I'm 41, so there's your audience here...)

So think about what colors she wears, and that's where you'll score a bigger win.

Sweetie, most of the men I've dated hunt and fish, but NONE of them ever made me earrings like those...but they sure COULD have right? I think you're setting a great standard for men who can do creative shit with their hands. (I'm a creative chick so I can say it like that) Edited April 30, 2009 by SilverK

[Vampy6997]

So my girlfriend wants me to take her out to a nice dinner...like really nice. I was thinking it would be nice to give her a present before we go, like a new pair of earrings or something. Only problem is I am broke sad.gif....so I cant afford to get her new earrings AND take her out. Then I realized I have a few hundred dollars worth of nice fancy feathers that I use for tying fishing lures, and I figured I could rig something up.

This is just a prototype, I threw this together in a few minutes just to see how it would look.

Can you give me some constructive criticism? Would you wear something like this? Do they look ok? Or is this just a dumb idea?

Since you asked for constructive criticism, but didn't specify what you wanted constructive criticism on, I will interpret it slightly.

Well, let me tell you my experiences: I'm a 37 year old man. I have no idea what goes on in women's heads. I haven't had a lot of complaints, however.

We could classify women into three categories:

1) Women who thrive on love and sentiment more than material things.
2) Women who enjoy material things more than love and sentiment.
3) Snotty Women who don't like anything and are always shit-talking everything.

I fit somewhere between 1 and 3, but not so much 2. I like gifts, but it's not going to make/break anything. I require gifts to remind me that the guy I'm with cares, but it doesn't need to be pricey. A single (not monster basket of flowers) rose would be great...like 3-4 times a year.

I agree on the sex-withholding thing. I will withhold sex when I'm pissed. For some reason, my mind can't get over the idea of "hate-sex" when I love someone who pissed me off. If he's calling it hate-sex, or what-have-you, then I'd question the integrity of the relationship.

There's a switch for me, where some days nothing is good enough (guys, it's called depression for most* women), etc...but those are "please hug me" days...





*There is, without a reason of a doubt, seriously evil women who'd like nothing more than to cut down every tree she walks by. This woman would not ever be depressed, and is the opposite of what I described my attributes to be via #3.

[Sherwood]

So where are you taking her? Now *nice* is *nice*?

I enjoyed your comment, Eric, though I must say I'm glad not to be in that situation of constantly seeking an equitable equilibrium. My wife and I both work full time, and both make the same amount of money. So regardless of who pays, we both pay.

Before we got kitched I paid, because I was the one who liked going out to dinner, and she cooked, because she was the one who liked not being skint.

[Sonthert]

Let me add a little proviso here, I'm a 37 year old man, and I have no idea how women my own age's heads. Women who are younger than me I understand perfectly...the same way you understand a math class after you start the next one.

How did the date go? How was the boinky? Schmecken?

[Sapphire]

Let me add a little proviso here, I'm a 37 year old man, and I have no idea how women my own age's heads. Women who are younger than me I understand perfectly...the same way you understand a math class after you start the next one.

How did the date go? How was the boinky? Schmecken?

YES DO TELL !

[joytron]

you need to send me a pair of those stat. My gf would love something like that, alas my hands are retarded, so they will stick to writing poetry that she hates.

[clumsygrace]

Make all four of us ladies on Hookah Forum a pair!

[shaffaaf27]

Let me add a little proviso here, I'm a 37 year old man, and I have no idea how women my own age's heads. Women who are younger than me I understand perfectly...the same way you understand a math class after you start the next one.

How did the date go? How was the boinky? Schmecken?

man its more liek having done the test you remember all the math you learnt, though not during the test

[Rani]

So my girlfriend wants me to take her out to a nice dinner...like really nice. I was thinking it would be nice to give her a present before we go, like a new pair of earrings or something. Only problem is I am broke sad.gif....so I cant afford to get her new earrings AND take her out. Then I realized I have a few hundred dollars worth of nice fancy feathers that I use for tying fishing lures, and I figured I could rig something up.

This is just a prototype, I threw this together in a few minutes just to see how it would look.

Can you give me some constructive criticism? Would you wear something like this? Do they look ok? Or is this just a dumb idea?

Since you asked for constructive criticism, but didn't specify what you wanted constructive criticism on, I will interpret it slightly.

Well, let me tell you my experiences: I'm a 37 year old man. I have no idea what goes on in women's heads. I haven't had a lot of complaints, however.

We could classify women into three categories:

1) Women who thrive on love and sentiment more than material things.
2) Women who enjoy material things more than love and sentiment.
3) Snotty Women who don't like anything and are always shit-talking everything.

If your girlfriend is in category 1), she will likely like them or love them. If she is in 2), she will probably hate them because they didn't cost much or don't have an Italian designer's name on them. She will be polite and accept them, but be disappointed. The sex following dinner will be short and unimaginative, perhaps not at all. If she's in 3) You will know about it immediately. The fact that your girlfriend wants you to take her out for an expensive meal is usually a sign of #2 or #3. If I'm buying dinner, I decide when and where its going to be. If she wants to buy dinner (because my ass is broke) she gets to decide. If she requests or presumes to want to go out to an expensive place, when you are paying and you are broke, thats not cool. If you were uber-rich, thats one thing. If you're broke, she shouldn't make you spend yourself into debt for dinner. Celebratory or not is irrelevant. Will she propose you buy her a new BMW, too? You can't afford that either. It signals bad future. What about if you get married? How will you save money for a house if she wants to spend you into the poor house when you're broke? Is she going to change when you get married? Why would she and why isn't she acting that way now? I would suggest getting things on a more even keel now. I'm a firm believer in two equal partners in a relationship. Once you get on this tilted spending money thing, its hard to come back. Its good policy to begin this way from the second date on(Buying dinner the first time is fine, but tell them what rules you would like to follow) Here's what I've done with several of my ex-girlfriends:

1)We alternate paying, but randomly. We'd rock-paper-scissor for who pays the bill, after dinner. Thats so one person or the other isn't ordering side salad when its their turn to pay and Lobster Thermador when its mine. Each person orders what they really wants to. Its great because both people are only ordering what they think they could afford if they have to end up paying. If somebody else is paying, you'd be surprised what absurd shit they order if they are in category #3.

2)Whomever selects the restaurant pays.

3)One person selects three restaurants and will pay for dinner, the other person gets to choose which one of the three. This only works when one of the people in this situation isn't a skinflint.

4)Whoever proposes to go out to dinner pays.

5)We would go to restaurants in pairs, that is, we would go to Shoney's one time, I'd pay. The next time we go out, we'd go to Shoney's and she'd pay.

By special dispensation, birthdays can be the birthday boy/girl gets to choose and be taken out, but I don't do that. Split on holidays.

6)Go dutch. pay for whatever food you eat. You'd do it if you weren't together...why should it change because you're together? I like this idea, but I never do it. Its more fun to take people out and then be taken out.

Relationships should be between people that are equals. If one person has to spend a lot of money, and the other doesn't, how is that fair?

If she does stuff like clean up your house/room, make dinner most nights, do your laundry, then its perfectly reasonable to take them out. Only spend money on a person because you want to, not because the other person expects it. Same thing, ladies, for cleaning that damn man's house. If he expects it, tell him to do it himself.

Be honest, if you like to do something for somebody else, don't turn around and expect something for doing something that you like to do and chose to do. If they don't want to reciprocate by doing things for you because they want to, the door can be used to leave as well as enter.

Just my two cents.

Give her a gift certificate for a free backrub from you, too. If she's in #1 she'll love it, even girls in #2 are usually OK with this, too.

I like the earrings and I wish you the best on your date, man. Have fun.

Edit: you'll notice that most of the women here, who are nice, and friendly will adhere to the "Thought that counts." Because they are cool. Even women in #2 will say "Its the thought that counts.", but still be disappointed, even if they themselves don't know why. Sometimes women will think they are number 1, but end up being #2.

Keep your head on your shoulders, you are an equal partner in this relationship.

Edit #2:At the risk of being crass, judge how your partnership is going by how the sex is. If the sex is consistent (Even if non-existent) despite all the disappointments and elations , thats a good sign. If the sex varies when they are disappointed, thats a warning sign. 20 years from now, you won't be having any sex for all the disappointments that life throws at you. If the sex is consistent, thats a sign that they love you and don't care about how much you spent on dinner or earrings.

Ironically, if she doesn't like the earrings, it may affect how the date ends up. Its a risk. If you just do the expensive dinner, and no earrings its safer.

Cynic alert...... Seriously though..... I've been told in the past I'm too independent and I've learned to let men be men in a more traditional manner. I split checks with friends, not lovers. But having said that, I'm as happy at Burger King as I am at Wolfgang Pucks. It's the company that counts. And what's more, I do firmly believe in return value. I won't usually pick up the tab at a restaurant, but I'll make up with more than a few home cooked meals, and since my family is from the South, I could cook before I could walk! When I'm involved, I give as many gifts as I get, send flowers as often as I receive them, leave notes in funny places, like in lipstick across the shower tiles, and generally spend a lot of time and energy making sure my significant other is happy. 'Tis my job to make sure they are. And I love seeing that Cheshire Cat with the best cream in the countryside grin when he's among his friends....... Now if after all my effort, he fails to show proper appreciation (which is all about little things like a waiting hug when I get home, etc.) then we have an issue and maybe it's not meant to be.

Handmade gifts are incredibly appreciated, and will usually bring me to sentimental tears. I'm an earth mother type though sometimes it's hard to believe. Greatly prefer fakes to real diamonds because I'm sticken over the thought that I'll never know if they're blood diamonds. They sparkle just as bright and don't require fancy insurance policies. And I firmly believe it's not the girl with the most toys who wins at the end of her life, it's the one with the most happiness.

So back on subject, the earrings you made are beautiful, and yes you could do them professionally for some extra spending money. Your girlfriend will love them.

'Rani

[dafunk5446]

All right revival of a long dead thread! Sorry bout not getting back to anybody about this, been SUPER busy lately.

The earrings were a major success!!! She loved them, and she plans on wearing them to my sister's wedding which is even cooler cause it will show off my earring makin skills

The date went equally as well. I took her to The Melting Pot, which is a really nice 3 hour long fondue meal. Then I took her to the ballet (which was a major mistake cause it was the longest damn 3 hours of my freakin life!), which she also loved being a former dancer. So all in all it was a really good night.

As for making the female members a pair of earring....it may be possible to make some....when I will find time is the real question. Maybe after I get back from Canada in a few weeks.....no promises, but I will try to make a few more pairs.

Again I just want to thank everybody for all their help in this matter, you really did help me out!

[vegloo]

i missed out on giving the lady advice, hehe but it looks like you did great. The earrings were a sweet and thoughtful gift. Honestly, i dont think you needed anyones advice! i'm glad it went great though!

[ilikemyusername]

if she doesn't like it ... Stick it in her nose!

[ashes87]

I missed the advice giving too, but I have to say, those earrings were very nice. I would love to have something like that.

I also am one of the four women on here , but its whatever, and Im glad she loved them.