New Girl, New Fetish

[lowspeedchase]

Hey guys/girls...

So I met a new chick that lives in my building a few weeks ago... super attractive, great body, dark hair (awesome) - she works as an HR manager for a big company, but before that was a college instructor at a local university.

She is 28, seemed way level headed, so naturally I was attracted to her. Invited her over for the first time like 3 weeks ago. We smoke hookah, she loved it (never tried it before) and smoked like a CHAMP even through the f-line bowl I had pre-packed (although she admitted it was due to NHT experience)

Well, since then she has been over my place like every-other day... everytime she would come over I would get a little further with her, sexually. The first and second time it was a kiss hello/goodbye on the cheek - and actually the second time was a hug. Third time we made-out at the door as I was saying goodbye... and it continued like this for 2 weeks...

Now fast-forward to present day... we have very intense make-out sessions... she gets aroused when I take control, push her against the wall, pin her hands, etc. It kills me though because it gets so intense, but she stops me when I start taking off her clothes. She confessed that it's been a while since she has had sex, so I started to take it lighter with the pushing for it.

Last night I took her to an art gallery opening in South Beach... we had a blast: wine, dinner, etc... but she wouldn't let me hold her hand... she has weird quirks like that that really turn me off.

When we got home I lied down on the couch and she mounted me... so naturally, after quite a bit of foreplay, I went to start taking off her clothes... but she pulled away... I was really frustrated so I just started to push her off me...

She said "haven't you heard the expression 'no means yes?'" ...

Suddenly it all made sense, the aggressive kissing, the pinning her body, the holding her in my arms when we would kiss and not letting her go... she wants to be taken, but wants to resist...

To be honest, this kinda weirds me out... I mean, I have had role plays and angry sex with girls in the past, but never a "I need this to feel forced to be aroused" type girl.


Has anyone had any similar experiences with girls like this? Girls, can you chime in? Do you think that she'll be more affectionate after we become intimate?

I love good sex, but I am really just looking for a solid relationship right now - the idea of having rough sex with her but feeling less and less attracted to her doesn't seem to appetizing (especially since we live 40 feet from each other).

Thanks all!

[joytron]

yeah im pretty passive so im not really down with any S&M or play rape or whatever you call that. Why cant people just enjoy normal sex?

[mavsfan31]

I like taking control and being forceful. That's weird though. I wouldn't quite know how to take that if I was you.

Just create a safe word, that way there is no confusion.

[RogueSmoker]

Congrats on your chick. That's a little too weird for me

[Genie]

I like taking control and being forceful. That's weird though. I wouldn't quite know how to take that if I was you.

Just create a safe word, that way there is no confusion.

Definitely! Generally speaking, no means NO. She's an exception to the rule, but you guys definitely need to get your signals worked out. If she's too "quirky," who knows what ideas she might get in her head later on down the road.

Hope some of her quirkiness levels out though.

[lowspeedchase]

yeah im pretty passive so im not really down with any S&M or play rape or whatever you call that. Why cant people just enjoy normal sex?

I couldn't agree more... like I said once in a while or a spontaneous thing, it's all good... just not as a lifestyle type deal.

I like taking control and being forceful. That's weird though. I wouldn't quite know how to take that if I was you.

Just create a safe word, that way there is no confusion.

Thanks for that... the thought did cross my mind "how will I know if she's really saying no?" bizarre

Congrats on your chick. That's a little too weird for me

It's just a chick, no congrats on necessary. I'm in your boat though, it is weird. Something I've never been with so I'm a little curious about it.

I like taking control and being forceful. That's weird though. I wouldn't quite know how to take that if I was you.

Just create a safe word, that way there is no confusion.

Definitely! Generally speaking, no means NO. She's an exception to the rule, but you guys definitely need to get your signals worked out. If she's too "quirky," who knows what ideas she might get in her head later on down the road.

Hope some of her quirkiness levels out though.

Thanks. I generally don't bet on people 'leveling out' - so I might just cool it down a bit with her - honestly, I don't know what I am going to do yet.

[kvtaco17]

Dude its pretty normal... I've dated and hell was even engaged to a girl that was like that... She's just super submissive and wants to be taken... A little force during sex is fine (if its what she wants)... Worst case talk to her about the issue and see why she wants it that way... and maybe explore what your both willing to do for each other.

[cotsi95]

Shes really a dude! Thats why s/he wont let you get him/her naked.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Work out the right safewords and rules and enjoy it. Sounds great to me.

[lowspeedchase]

Dude its pretty normal... I've dated and hell was even engaged to a girl that was like that... She's just super submissive and wants to be taken... A little force during sex is fine (if its what she wants)... Worst case talk to her about the issue and see why she wants it that way... and maybe explore what your both willing to do for each other.

Thanks champion... I don't mind the submissive part... I've been with girls that are like that as well... the thing that's throwing me off is how she want's to say no and resist while I am doing my thing... dunno, new thing for me. I'll talk with her though.

[lowspeedchase]

Work out the right safewords and rules and enjoy it. Sounds great to me.

Yah, if nothing else it will be a memorable discussion... never talked about safewords with a chick before

[kvtaco17]

Work out the right safewords and rules and enjoy it. Sounds great to me.

Yah, if nothing else it will be a memorable discussion... never talked about safewords with a chick before

HA HA HA HA HA... you'll never forget that conversation!

[Giant Ninja Robot]

the word "snickerdoodle" will never be the same!

[Tati]

Ive never heard of "no means yes", all girls know that no means no. If shes into s&m, she needs to introduce you to it slowly, not bring it all out on the 1st time.
Make sure its all safe, sane and consensual...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe,_sane_and_consensual

But have fun!

[Sapphire]

From your orig post.. I don't think she wants S&M . Sounds like she just wants to be enticed, and seduced. You may not have to go as far as S&M.

Perhaps even involve a little " light bondage" nothing crazy. She wants to be taken sweetly...but not have it be her "fault "


Been here once. Trust me.

[shesha1]

Where did the s&m stuff come in??????
It sounded like she just wants to be taken.

I dated a girl like that once, and I hated it. I think sometimes guys like girls to take the initiative.
I can tell you its 50/50 with my girl. Sometimes she starts it, sometimes I start it.

Only seems fair. I had one girl tell me dont you know NO means YES. the relationship lasted1 month.
Tooweird too wild

[Rani]

Woman's point of view.....

A woman telling you no, you'd really better listen from the legal standpoint regardless of whether no means yes to her. That might be her view now, what's her view going to be after should you piss her off for any reason? That's not a reasonable risk to take for someone you've only known a few weeks.

Why the rush to hit the sheets? You're young, single and surely you have other, ahem, outlets if you really don't want to exercise self control. What's more...... Men have been so programmed to be the hunter/aggressor in relationships that sometimes you forget the ultimate seduction. Guys....... Great relationships, even just great sex aren't a scorecard. They're a luscious lovely dance where each exercises that power of slow seduction. Turn the tables and try to think like a woman for a change. Women in seduction mode love the power they hold. Teasing isn't necessarily a bad thing so long as you intend to pay off eventually. Since it's confusing the hell out of you, guess who's holding the power, hmmmm? Try turning the tables on her as well as yourself and see what happens. Worst case is nothhing happens and you'll have discovered she wasn't worth your time in the first place because would you really want to give up your valuable time to someone who can't handle the heat? Best case? She hits boiling point and some night you find you're the one who got taken.

'Rani

[Sherwood]

If she won't have your babies, I totally will. You are a champion.

[cotsi95]

Woman's point of view.....

A woman telling you no, you'd really better listen from the legal standpoint regardless of whether no means yes to her. That might be her view now, what's her view going to be after should you piss her off for any reason? That's not a reasonable risk to take for someone you've only known a few weeks.

Why the rush to hit the sheets? You're young, single and surely you have other, ahem, outlets if you really don't want to exercise self control. What's more...... Men have been so programmed to be the hunter/aggressor in relationships that sometimes you forget the ultimate seduction. Guys....... Great relationships, even just great sex aren't a scorecard. They're a luscious lovely dance where each exercises that power of slow seduction. Turn the tables and try to think like a woman for a change. Women in seduction mode love the power they hold. Teasing isn't necessarily a bad thing so long as you intend to pay off eventually. Since it's confusing the hell out of you, guess who's holding the power, hmmmm? Try turning the tables on her as well as yourself and see what happens. Worst case is nothhing happens and you'll have discovered she wasn't worth your time in the first place because would you really want to give up your valuable time to someone who can't handle the heat? Best case? She hits boiling point and some night you find you're the one who got taken.

'Rani

Best post ive read it a long time. Thanks for the words of wisdom!

[awhurst011]

Sounds like you got a wild one but if shes putting out that easily (or not) idk about that

[delSol_si]

Eww! Sex is icky!

Seriously though, I believe in waiting till marriage to have sex, maybe you should try that?

[Genie]

Seriously though, I believe in waiting till marriage to have sex, maybe you should try that?

[Rani]

Eww! Sex is icky!

Seriously though, I believe in waiting till marriage to have sex, maybe you should try that?

Spoken like a man who's never been married...... Sweetie, marriage is WORK! Seriously, hard dedicated work. It's not love messing up that breaks up a marriage, it's life. Marriage is a legally binding contract between two parties who are going to face life together. I want to make damn sure the person I choose is compatible in every single way, so that they are a true and equal partner, having my back every moment and knowing I also have theirs. Doesn't mean you don't fight, because if you can't stand toe to toe with someone mad as hell and still know they've got you against the rest of the world then how can you trust them? And it doesn't mean there aren't other differences, but you have to know there's no deal breakers even in the bedroom. I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with for at least a year. I wouldn't live with anyone I hadn't dated for at least a year. And sex is a part of that.

That having been said, I'm not a fan of casual sex or sex too early in a relationship. During sex, you are at your most vulnerable and most open emotionally as well as physically. If you value yourself you're going to want to share that with someone you trust. Trust is something that gets built and doesn't show up in an instant. And here's something for you guys to think about...... Women have changed. Remember how men used to say if it's too easy anyone can have it? Well now we women think the same way. If you're that easy then you are certainly not worthy of me. So if you're in it for real, slow down and show the girl you value yourself and her. If you're just in it for play, well, hopefully you're going to grow up and get over that. In the meantime be careful. They don't let you smoke hookah in the HIV wards at County General.

'Rani

[Sonthert]

It depends on the locality. Some women still employ the no means yes imperative, but I think its a dangerous message to be sent...unless you realize what's obvious which is the rules for all women change, based on the woman, then its fine. Its nice when somebody says women are all the same, but thats not the case. I've shtupped a few freaks. No means yes, yes means yes, no means no, no means maybe. Yes still means yes, but you have to find out what no means. She's telling you the ground rules, observe them...

To answer the question, after the inception of formal sexual relations, the rules often become more lax. I dated one woman who the first time we were initiating sexual intercourse, there was a period of an hour where she raised feeble points as to why we shouldn't have sex, which I dismissed and after that we had no "activation energy" to initiate sex. Everything meant yes. Dinner meant yes, a quickie meant yes, a visit by her condo at noontime meant yes, lunch meant yes, seeing her in class meant yes...later. There was that period where she was a little unsure, but after the actual sex, the "resistance" disappeared. Each woman is different. Listen to them, understand what they're wanting and treat them with respect, whether you're holding hands in a movie, or pissing in their mouth. Some women like sex on the D.L. and don;t like public affection. That may not change, the only way to find out what the rules are after you have sex with her is to have sex with her. As I commented on my Forum, there are certain signs that if she or you are initiating, it should be without contradiction. If she wants to bunk in your sleeping bag, that means sex is imminent. If she doesn't want to have sex, she shouldn't be initiating that context of contact. Some women might be saying "Thats stupid", but its a reasonable conclusion, some women want a free pass to do whatever they want with men, without men be able to understand their context, and thats silly. There need to be some activities that mean sex, some that mean no sex. If you don't want confusion, observe the social rules. If a woman doesn't want to have sex, she shouldn't be wrestling with you. 9 times out of 10, she is going to lose...for a reason.

I don't think its fair to preach what other people should be doing according to our rules...I'm referring to one of the women responding to this thread. Saying that there should be one course of action or rule that trumps all lifestyles is just demeaning to men and women exploring sexuality together.

Go get her, tiger...

[Arcane]

well...with the stuff i've seen/learned...when i girl says no, even jokingly...you hit the brakes. get clarification first and then do whatever.

and you girls that like to play minds games....STOP THAT SHIT!!! ITS STUPID!