bolte Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Did a search, but a two year old topic should rest So, basically I thought it would be a good laugh to share a few jokes!So I'll start us off:PAn Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are enjoying a pint and talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked".The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked, I didn't even know she had a dick!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jellywerker Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 The Scot was really just pissed it wasn't Whisky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SynysterPhoenix Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make the horse in the back laugh, you can have all the drinks you want for tonight". The man goes in the back, the bartender hears the horse laugh, and gives the man his rounds. The next day, the same man came in and the bartender says "tonight, if you can make the horse cry, you shall get free rounds again". The man once again goes in the back, and the bartender hears the horse cry. Baffled, the bartender asks "how did you do that?". The man responds "Yesterday I told the horse that my dick was bigger, today I showed him". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. B Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?... It's an obscure number, you probably have never heard of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joytron Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 QUOTE (Dr. B @ Sep 10 2009, 09:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?... It's an obscure number, you probably have never heard of it.you sir are the funniest man on this forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vampy6997 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 (edited) is sexual humor ok? Kinda came up with something a couple weeks ago Edited September 11, 2009 by Vampy6997 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolte Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 QUOTE (Vampy6997 @ Sep 11 2009, 05:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>is sexual humor ok? Kinda came up with something a couple weeks ago Sexual humor is the best form of humor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r1v3th3ad Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 So a guy walks into a bar and says ouchbadum bum ching Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McLovin600 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 My wife and I were watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then asked, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And then the fight started.A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect.” And then the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 It was my first time ever...And i'll never forget.I'd do it again....Without a single regret.The sky was dark...The moon was high.We were all alone..just she and I.Her hair was soft..Her eyes were blue.I knew just what..She wanted to do.Her skin so soft...her legs so fine.I ran my fingers down her spine.I didnt know how..but i tried my best.I started by placing...My hand on her breast.I remember my fear...My fast beating heart.But slowly she spread..her legs apart.And when i did it...i felt no shame.And all at once..the white stuff came.At last its finished...Its over now.My first time ever...Milking a cow. Thats right.....i went there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amn_sinclair Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 So a mom is walking by her daughters room and she hears a buzzing sound, she goes into the room and sees her daughter laying there neaked playing with her vibrator her mother in shock yells what are u doing the daughter replies "mom im 38 and still live with my parents this is the closest ill ever have to a husband" a few days later dad is walking by his daughters room and he hears a buzzing sound, he goes into the room and sees his daughter laying there neaked playing with her vibrator her father says what are u doing to which the daughter replies "mom im 38 and still live with my parents this is the closest ill ever have to a husband"A Few weeks later the mother is again walking through the house and hears a buzzing coming from the den. She thinks to herself that girl had better not be in the den. She burts in the den expeCting to see her daughter there. Instaed her husband is sitting on the couch the vibrator right next to him. She asks him wat is he doing. He replies "im sitting here trying to watch football with my son-in-law" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hippo_Master Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I can't say that one from the bar in "Gran Torino", but that one's funny as fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetBob Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lightedcigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and aPenthouse magazine tucked under his arm.Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?" Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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