Unsure.

[Miss Crafted]

I've been put in to a bit of a tough situation.

My parents have been separated for almost two years now. However, neither of them have decided to file for divorce.
Because they were so focused on hating each other they could never sit down and actually talk.
They haven't filed taxes for a good three years, to my knowledge.
[font=arial, sans-serif][size=2][i]For your Free Application for Federal Student Aid [/i][/size][/font][font=arial, sans-serif][size=2]([/size][/font][font=arial, sans-serif][size=2][i]FAFSA[/i][/size][/font][font=arial, sans-serif][size=2])[/size][/font] you are dependent on your parents tax information unless you are over the age of 23, married, or emancipated.
I really really want to go to school.
For my Christmas present my Gammy is going to pay for me to get emancipated.
Last Christmas she payed for me to get my GED.
(She's one awesome woman in my life.)

I don't want my Mom to flip on me because I'm doing this. She keeps saying she'll do her taxes and get divorced, but there is always something holding her back.
I don't trust her to get these things done for me.

How should I go about doing this?! Should I just do it and not say anything.
I've tried asking her for the 150$ that I would need to get the emancipation filed, but the conversation never goes anywhere.

[Cp44]

I would do it because you're just being held back and your parents are doing nothing about it. Its your life you got to do whats best for YOU.

[Skoozle]

Sounds like your Grammy knows what is best for you and is looking out for you.

I wouldn't worry about hurting your mom's feelings by getting emancipated. Don't think of it as you are telling your mom that you don't want to be her kid any more, you are just making a smart business decision for yourself and jumping throught the hoops the government requires for you to go to school.

After three years of not filing, your mom is not going to get her taxes straight over night.

To answer your question, do whatever you have to do to get emancipated and into school as fast as you can. If you have to keep it from your mom until it is already done then do that. Any trouble that that causes is temporary in the grand scheme of things.

Good luck with everything. Edited November 29, 2010 by Skoozle

[Chreees]

Sounds like it's time to not be worried about how moms is going to feel if you do it. Just do it, so you can get your future started. Grandma seems to be looking out for your best interests.

[Kathrynx]

Just did a little bit of research, and google said "[font=arial, sans-serif][size=2]the automatic age of [i]emancipation in Colorado[/i] is 19". Not sure if that is just for child support issues, but maybe it might help you.[/size][/font]
[font=arial, sans-serif][size=2]
[/size][/font]
[font=arial, sans-serif][size=2]I'm so glad that your grandmother is helping you out in this![/size][/font]

[Allstar]

I would give her a time limit. If she doesn't make it, then time to do it your way.

[agunn1231]

[quote name='Kathrynx' timestamp='1291053758' post='489732']
Just did a little bit of research, and google said "[font="arial, sans-serif"][size="2"]the automatic age of [i]emancipation in Colorado[/i] is 19". Not sure if that is just for child support issues, but maybe it might help you.[/size][/font]
[font="arial, sans-serif"] [/font]
[font="arial, sans-serif"][size="2"]I'm so glad that your grandmother is helping you out in this![/size][/font]
[/quote]


Miss Crafted and I looked into this stuff quite a bit last summer, and though 19 is the automatic age, if you are filing forfinancial aid you are monitarily dependant till 23 or 24.....I am so happy that her grandma is helping her, cause i was gonna give her the money for x-mas, but she didn't know that

[Stuie]

Do it, and don't worry about it.

Here's my reasoning (it's black and white) and I don't know your parents or the whole situation, but base on the info given, here is my assessment.

1) Your parents are acting like children*. - Quite obvious by the way they won't get their "ducks in a row"* (filing taxes, getting divorced)
2) They are being selfish - Speaking as a father, Anyone that puts off their children's needs** or hinders them in improving themselves*** because it's an inconvenience for them, is a deadbeat.* (Both of my wife's parents like this in different ways)

If your mom or dad flip out for you doing this, simply reply:
"It's been 2 years and you couldn't get off your @$$ to spend a few hours doing some paperwork so I could go to school, how is that showing me any love as your daughter"
I like using the same weapons that emotional vampires use against them. Gotten real good at with my Mother-In-Law.

Hey if I am way off base, I am sorry, but I have seen people like this and even though it's hard/impossible emotionally for woman to admit this about their moms (Speaking from experience with my wife), Therapists and counselors will tell you to remove this person from your life because they are toxic to you. I have to play time warden sometimes because my wife loves her mom, but she is an emotional vampire who at 53 has been unemployed for 2 years, got kicked out her apartment and had her car repossessed and moved in with her parents, and continues to say the world is against me, I need a miracle (what she needs is to actually apply for a job), and makes my wife cry because we won't send her money to help out and visit more often (we live 5 hours away, not long enough for me). Sorry for my rant.

*That's the nicest way I can put it.
**Needs - Food, Clothes, Shelter, etc....
***Getting an Education, Using Emotional Blackmail to keep them down, General lack of concern towards their kids, etc...

[Chreees]

I totally agree with Stuie, on all points.

[Rani]

Ouch. I had the kind of childhood people grow up and write books about. Between deadbeat dad, and a mother who was an honest to God sociopath, I spent a substantial portion of my life being a people pleaser. Trying to always take the compassionate stance, always be understanding, and always putting up with more from my family than anyone should ever have to. I am living proof that it will absolutely wreck your life if you don't make choices for yourself while you're at the age you are now and beyond. Because of that, I'm pretty much hard line on what people do and do not owe their parents.

Your parents are an accident of birth. You owe them respect and basic human-to-human consideration, but you do not owe them one moment of putting your life on hold while they're dealing with their issues. It is absolutely important that you go ahead with your life and what you choose to do with it. It sets the standard for the rest of your life. It sucks to know they don't have your back in the way they should, but if you waste time dwelling on it, you lose time out of your own life and everything you have ahead of you. The sooner you decide that you cannot count on them, the sooner you accept responsibility for your own life and where it goes. If at some time in the future they come around, which they might do when they see you're not waiting around for their good will, it becomes a surprise and lovely gift. But you have zero responsibility to making that happen. They do.

When we're children, we blame ourselves for just about everything. We think we have some kind of magical responsibility to make it all right, and the truth is we can't. Our parents are separate human beings with their own issues, problems, garbage and baggage. If your parents don't file their income taxes there's a good chance the IRS will show up and/or lien their bank accounts. This is their mess, not yours. You have to step away and let them deal with it, while you work on where you do have responsibility and the ability to make a change - your own life. Do what you have to do for yourself and make not a single apology for it.

'Rani

[Miss Crafted]

It's crazy to see how I got her, I feel like I can tell you all a little more.
Unknown to me my parent's didn't get married until I was 7. My Dad is still not on my birth certificate because my Mom didn't trust him.
I was getting much psychical and mental abuse from my dad after i turned 13.
My senior year of high school my dad started cheating on my mom for the fourth time, and was pretty serious with this woman.
My mom got very sick, because my dad was gone; I was the one taking care of everything.
She had a menstrual cycle that went on for a good three months. I would stay home to make sure she didn't pass out from bleeding so badly.
I missed about 3 credits from making sure she wasn't going to die and leave me all alone with my (at the time) 6 year old bother.

all of my teachers knew.
all of the councilors knew.
the school psychologist knew.

. . . no one would help me.

That summer we lost the house because of foreclosure.
Shit hit the fan.
I got in to a terrible fight with my mom and she decided, in a drunken stupor, that I was no longer welcome to live with her.
I packed as though nothing was wrong the next day because we had already found an apartment.
My things moved in to a friend's house.

I lived off of 150$ a month.
40 went to rent.
25 went to a bus pass so I could get to the alternative school I was going to. I went there to make up my credits.
85 to spend on food. At school. At 1.75 for a meal. Eating breakfast and lunch.
77 bucks...
I had 8 bucks wiggle room. [i](it usually went to quaters so could do laundry)[/i]
[i]
[/i]
I couldn't get past 2 months before I figured out it was a total waste of my time going there.
There wasn't even a math class online that was at my level.

My best friend kicked me out last October because she thought i was going to take her parents away from her.
I had to move back in with my mom.
Three bedroom apartment.
A room for My mom
My brother
and My mom's friend.

I sleep on the couch.
I have a closet and a dresser.
My brother has my bed and all my furniture.

I got my GED in March of last year.

I can't live like this anymore.
I really can't.
I'm on Lexapro to cope with my anxiety attacks.
But I've gained a ton of weight.
at 5 foot 1 i am weighing 174 lbs.

I want to go to school to get my Cosmetology degree.
Then I want to go back and peruse an art or history major.

I'm not stupid.
I took college algebra my junior year.
I got a 4/5 on my Ap Human Geography test.
That's equivalent to a B+ or A- for a college level course.







I just need that boost. The fire lit under my ass to do this. But I'm scared! I don't understand why, but I am.
I don't want to be bonded to this vortex of self loathing and just shear hate any more.


I .....i don't even have words. Thank you. All of you.

[Miss Crafted]

** March of this year, not last year.

[NitetimeReign]

Hallie like we talked about. You go for it girl. Anyone that even slightly knows you, knows how bad you wanna go to school. It's time for Hallie to be happy. Now to the rest of the forum ppl you guys are awesome and so supportive that it's not even funny. I'm so happy to be part of this family

[jorlyfish]

[font="Arial"][size=2]I agree with much/all of what has been said here. You gotta do what's best for you, and as someone else (I'm too lazy to go look for who) said, it's not like you're declaring yourself not their daughter anymore. Don't let your parents and their questionable decisions hold you back.[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]
[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]I've had some trouble figuring out what I want to do with my life (I'm trying not go into a huge wall o' text and/or threadjack) but some of the things I'm thinking about doing I know wouldn't sit well with my dad's parents, who happen to hold a lot of financial power over me. They're paying for my school, I know I have a nice chunk of change waiting for me in their will, etc. Basically, pissing them off enough will put me out of a good amount of money, and as much as I hate the idea that money is really important... It can be, especially for someone who doesn't anticipate making much money (and likely not even regular paychecks) in her field.[/size][/font]
[b][font="Arial"][size=2]My parents' overall message?[/size][/font][/b][font="Arial"][size=2] Just do you. Do what you need to do to make you happy and whole. (Plus, my grandparents are gonna die sooner or later, right? And I'm going to need to still be happy after that)[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]Your parents should want the same for you, and I'm sure they do - they just seem to be too caught up in their own lives (sounds like they have a pretty complicated relationship, to say the least) right now.[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]Tony's suggestion isn't a bad one either. Even though I see no reason for either/both of your parents to be angry about an emancipation, especially since you're a legal adult anyway, giving an ultimatum is another option. "Mom, if you and dad don't file taxes and get going on the divorce within (reasonable but not too-long timeframe), I need to get emancipated in order to go to school and make the best life possible for myself."[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]
[/size][/font]
[font="Arial"][size=2]I know you're going to make it to school, it's more a question of in what fashion.[/size][/font]
[color=#333333][i][font="Arial"][size=2]ast viam inveniam aut faciam --[/size][/font][/i][font="Arial"][size=2] I will [/size][/font][/color][color=#333333][font="Arial"][size=2]either [/size][/font][/color][color=#333333][font="Arial"][size=2]find a way, or make one. [/size][/font][/color]

[Stuie]

Well I can say you aren't in a good place. Lexapro, that stuff sucks, On it for a year or so, made me feel like crap. Ended up on Prozac. All that stuff sucks believe me. Spent first 2 years of marriage on the stuff, Most notable side effect...not good for newlyweds!

If I make a few suggestions/plan of attack that might help. These are mearly suggestions that might help point you in the right direction, but it's easier for me to just plan it out than give general suggestions. So please bare with me and don't take this as controlling. But I have been in a similar situation. In a city all alone, making $500 bucks a month and on the verge of ...well...anyways, you can get out of this and I know you can.

[size="3"][color="#ff0000"][b]GOALS[/b][/color][/size]
1) Get Independent Living Quarters
2) Get to Cosmetology School/Community College
3) Get to 4 year University

[size="3"][color="#ff0000"][b]PLAN OF ATTACK (Sorry this is an overnight fix)[/b][/color][/size]
[color="#0000ff"][b]Withinthe next 2 weeks[/b][/color]
1) Get a full time job (seriously anywhere, you need to get money in your pocket)
2) Get a part time job (yeah 2 jobs on temporarily, I use to clean grease traps for extra cash, after that McD's looks like heaven)
3) Write out a budget (you did this before obviously as you stated above) keep it simple so you can control your money and tackle the next step
[color="#0000ff"][b]Within the next Month[/b][/color]
3) Get $500 set aside in a Savings account (even a jar in your drawer), Trust me this sounds stupid but it's Murphy's Law, you can do this in a month! with 2 jobs!
4) Get emancipated if your Grandmother pays for it. If she won't, don't we will tackle that later.
[color="#0000ff"][b]Within 2-3 Months[/b][/color]
4) Save enough money for a 1 bedroom apartment (Deposit, and 2 months Rent, Separate from the $500... DON' TOUCH THAT)
[color="#0000ff"][b]Within 4-5 Months[/b][/color]
5) Find an apartment and move in.
6) Throw a little party because you have done great so far, and you deserve it
7) Save enough money to get emancipated, if you didn't in Step 4.
8) File FAFSA and other scholarships for Fall 2011 Semester at Cosmetology School/Community College.
9) Save as much as you can, to cover school, don't touch it unless absolutely necessary!
[color="#0000ff"][b]Fall 2011[/b][/color]
10) Go to school, Dump 1 of the jobs you have so you can to school
[b][color="#0000ff"]On Going..[/color][/b]
11) Study, Work and Save, 4 year college is only 2 years away!!!!

[Miss Crafted]

Stuie, this is so dang helpful. Thanks.
I found out last night I'll be getting a part time job working for just tips at the hookah bar i go to.
I start Thursday at 530.
I'll be able to set my own hours pretty much because it's just tips.

Now to look for a real job. - .-* Edited November 30, 2010 by Miss Crafted

[mustafabey]

Sometimes,Hallie when things look the most hopeless the sun comes peeking thru the clouds. This to shall pass and you shall be stronger for it. I tend to try to look at adversity as a gift, because I know there is something positive for me in it. The answer to most of these dilemmas is action. People tend to get bogged down in misery and forget how to change it. Take action and don't own the results leave the results to God. Once you become emancipated and free, remember what you have learned and apply that in future engagements and relationships. Sometimes difficulties drop from the sky, but most times its because of people. Keep those drama crazed vampires out of you life. I don't know what your spiritual traditions are,Hallie and it really doesn't matter, because all traditions a valid. Prayer is a powerful tool and don't forget to pray for your Mom. Stuie has given you great advice on how to get on your feet,a job has appeared and things are going to get progressively better. Someday you will run into someone with similar issues and you will have the answers and be able to give them some support.

[Stuie]

[quote name='Miss Crafted' timestamp='1291146374' post='489854']
Stuie, this is so dang helpful. Thanks.
I found out last night I'll be getting a part time job working for just tips at the hookah bar i go to.
I start Thursday at 530.
I'll be able to set my own hours pretty much because it's just tips.

Now to look for a real job. - .-*
[/quote]

Seriously, glad I could help.

Here's a tip. Post a little add somewhere at the community college or check craigslist. See if you can buy (hopefully get for free) older versions of the text books you will need and just go over them when you have down time. Yeah, it's nerdy but if you do it's less you have to learn and when you get to those classes it will not just sink in but solidify in your mind. Not saying memorize them, just read them.

[Miss Crafted]

[quote name='Stuie' timestamp='1291220664' post='489943']
Seriously, glad I could help.

Here's a tip. Post a little add somewhere at the community college or check craigslist. See if you can buy (hopefully get for free) older versions of the text books you will need and just go over them when you have down time. Yeah, it's nerdy but if you do it's less you have to learn and when you get to those classes it will not just sink in but solidify in your mind. Not saying memorize them, just read them.
[/quote]
I actually have a few textbooks already because my Gammy used to teach students new to English.
(I'm pretty nerdy, so it's not any kind of inconvenience to plop down with some good heavy reading!)

[jorlyfish]

You could aslo try and crash classes - if you know of somewhere that has big lecture halls, the professor isn't going to notice that there's a 231st student in there when there's only supposed to be 230

[Miss Crafted]

This job is so kicking my ass.
>.<

I work 5:30pm to 3am.
Phew.
And only getting paid in tips is not the best, but these Middle Eastern Guys are good tippers. haha!

Stuie, I might make that 500 faster than i thought.

[jorlyfish]

Keep us updated. Sounds like you and Alex are having fun at the lounge, even if it is kicking your ass.

[Stuie]

[quote name='Miss Crafted' timestamp='1291579155' post='490399']
This job is so kicking my ass.
>.<

I work 5:30pm to 3am.
Phew.
And only getting paid in tips is not the best, but these Middle Eastern Guys are good tippers. haha!

Stuie, I might make that 500 faster than i thought.
[/quote]


Good Job!!!

It's like most things in life. Anything you really want takes adversity to get. Dieting hasn't been easy for me. Mind Breaking actually, but it's worth it.

You can do it! I am rooting for ya!!!

[agunn1231]

[quote name='jorlyfish' timestamp='1291580996' post='490400']
Keep us updated. Sounds like you and Alex are having fun at the lounge, even if it is kicking your ass.
[/quote]

it has been fun so far. It is tough work though. only crummy thing, other than being on our feet for hours on end, is if i spend too much time around the lighting coals. not good vetnalation in there, so it can lead to a killer headache.

[Miss Crafted]

Here's the status so far.
I haven't been around much just because I feel I don't have much to contribute.
But I might have a new project coming around soon.

I got back on my Lexapro.
I now weigh 180 pounds. (not good i know, I'm now starting to work on it.) I need to get down to 125 ish.
I found out I can't just file for my emancipation. I need to get an attorney. I might have one that is willing to help me.

I need a little bit of a boost.
I know I'm in another slump, but I'm working through it.



This project has re-invigorated me some, and as soon as I'm done I will show you guys.
Promise! C:

We have also Quit working at the lounge, We got some serious carbon monoxide poisoning. Edited March 11, 2011 by Miss Crafted