SaintPendulous Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 So my cousin is a real piece of work, he has cheated on every girl he has ever been with and im usually the one to catch their fallout when the girl comes to me for comfort and guidance and he comes to me to talk it out about his shit recently he has got a new girlfriend, they havent even been together for a year, its been a real whirlwind Romance, and the entire time she was worried about him cheating on her, terrified because she was so in love with him and she didnt want to get hurt, i preached for him and told her this is totally different, ive never seen him like this, hes a changed man and this will work, she has kids and one of em calls him dad even THEY GOT ENGAGED! on St, Patricks day even and its been a wonderful thing ever since, until Yesterday morning at 7 AM when i got a pounding on my bedroom door and its his Fiance asking to come talk to me.....Fuckin hell i open the door and shes practically bawling with her 8 month old on her hip and her 3 year old tailing behind her and she says " Your Cousin and I are breaking up, i've already returned his ring, hes been keeping a second cell phone and ever since March 8th!( about 2 weeks before their engagement mind you...) has been using that second cell phone to send naked pictures back and forth with his ex Gfs"...3 of them to be exact and NONE of which are half as attractive as his now Ex Fiance is" this woman fed us bother on her dime, cleaned out apartment on a regular basis, pretty much furnished his room for him while he was away at airborne school, and he throws it all away... but the thing im most upset about i think is i went to bat for him, preached about how hes a changed man and he loves her and wouldn't do this again, and he told me to my face it was different I feel really betrayed and let down and disappointed, i feel sick to my stomach when i think about it, what i do from here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I personally would hold your cousin at a distance from now on. You can still communicate with him, but not really be there for him. Know what I mean? You can't help people if they're not willing to help themselves. But yeah, your cousin sounds a lot like my sister... I don't really talk to my sister. And if she came to me asking for money, I wouldn't give her any if I had it. You catch my drift... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epoch Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 No one can save a man from himself. I dare say you've done more than enough in his favor. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 When I was married, my brother in law who lived a few hours from us was a constant cheat. And he often used us as an excuse for when he was out with someone else. His main girlfriend was a darling girl who supported him through years of his being a musician and having a girl in every town the band visited. One day he happened to get me on the phone to explain that if she called to cover for him., I said no. I didn't go off on him just calmly said no. I went on to tell him that I didn't approve of his actions and wouldn't be a party to it. Then I told him I wouldn't volunteer to give her any information but that I liked her and wasn't going to lie for him to someone I liked so to leave us out of it. From then on we were never a part of his little stories. Interesting thing is, he did eventually settle down, got a day job, got faithful, married and became a father. The difference seemed to be the girl he married, wouldn't put up with any of his crap. She laid down the law from day one and warned him "Three strikes is baseball, one strike is me." He never once cheated on her and when I asked him why, he said she didn't play games. He messed up, she'd be gone. They've been happily married for almost 20 years now. So while I don't remotely approve of someone doing things they know would hurt someone else, it's kind of a what they can get away with situation. Women in some cases have become nearly desperate in a relationship and put up with way too much crap. If we walked the first time, there would never be a second time. And finally, men need to quit covering for each other and excusing it away. Because until you do, men who do cheat are making you all look untrustworthy. You need to stay completely out of it in the future. Simply tell him you aren't going to help him ever and let him find out for himself the hard way, if you don't treat what you have like it's worth something, it's sure to be taken away from you. 'Rani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuie Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Straight from the Wisdom that is Dr. Demento... Calmly walk up to your cousin... [img]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/21/129005820072227506.jpg[/img] If this does not fix your cousin... in the Wisdom that is Tyler Durden.... [img]http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1999_Fight_Club/999FCB_Pat_McNamara_002.jpg[/img] ...Take his balls. Honestly though, talk to him but keep him at a distance. Don't let his crap spill into your life. I have family members I have pushed to the side, "I love you, but until you get your shit together, stay over there" Just waiting on one to finally get it now, not sure if she will or not, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScotsman Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 From what I have seen people like that only change if they absolutely have to, then they are still likely to go back to the same behaviour. I stay as far away from that sort as I possibly can, they seem to always drag their cocked-up past into everything, and over everyone they can. It's like having a skunk sprayed Labrador retriever, it just keeps getting the stink all over everything, until someone holds it down and gives it a bath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcane Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I'm going to give my honest opinion and say, take it as a lesson learned to not get involved with other people's relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dereksd Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 [quote name='Arcane' timestamp='1332888226' post='543514'] I'm going to give my honest opinion and say, take it as a lesson learned to not get involved with other people's relationships. [/quote] This. I dont get wrapped up in the goings and comings of others for this reason. I guess I have a different mentallity but im a family first kind of guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintPendulous Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1332890719' post='543520'] [quote name='Arcane' timestamp='1332888226' post='543514'] I'm going to give my honest opinion and say, take it as a lesson learned to not get involved with other people's relationships. [/quote] This. I dont get wrapped up in the goings and comings of others for this reason. I guess I have a different mentallity but im a family first kind of guy. [/quote] yeah i know thats what is the difficult part, hes more like a brother than a cousin and hes obviously fucked in the head but this shit is wearin on me....but i never turn down somebody in need especially blood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellz Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Go fishing. That's what I would do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allstar Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Here is a large chance but it is worth a shot. Talk to him, ask him why he does it. It is the feeling of being trapped, addicted to sex (i don't believe this),...etc He might be better suited in open style relationships if he just wants to screw around. If he is looking to maintain multiple relationships then suggest to him polyamorous relationships. These are typically suited better for people that sounds like your cousin. Just a suggestion, if you need more info feel free to ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChildoftheHorn Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Have a brother like this. His shit spilled out to getting cars beat in ( including mine getting hit with a baseball bat because he slept with someones girlfriend in high-school). He borrowed my car quite a bit because he was always broke even with having a job.... In high school I was Miss valedictorian and between me and my family members we used up our favors to make sure he didn't get arrested. He never beat someone up, just played the prettyboy card with some dumb decisions of not paying attention. He flunked out of college twice. He spent more time on unemployment than employed. It took everyone in the family agreeing to cut him off financially and confront him on crap like this. He is now with a wonderful girl that he has not cheated on, working, and will finish his degree at junior college in the next few months. Don't give up, give tough love. Sent from my PG86100 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NitetimeReign Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Just my opinion of course Aaron, but I had a cousin that I was super close with. Sounds a lot like you and your cousin. He was more of a brother than cuz to me. He would do a lot of stuff like you mentioned and would use me as the cover up. you know the hey I was with Adam thing. Well when it finally got crazy enough for me I had to back away and just love him from a distance. Pretty much what Chris was saying. One thing I have found out in my soon to be 40 years is, you can't help someone that doesn't really want it. Sorry for your situation though buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gramps Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Shallow grave in the backyard. Just kidding! Best advice would be to talk to other family members about it. They know him better than we do. Keep it within the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satou Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) Honestly, those girls should of stood up for what they can and cannot stand and basically the lay of the land. And if I was a girl in that particular situation (and at one point in my life I was), I definitely would not/ do not put up with that crap and would let him and the other girls have it rather than bawling in to someone else's arms for advice. And definitely wouldn't get back together with them~ I'd say you should talk to him or to his portion of the family about his problem. And see if they can intervene potentially? However there are some who like having an open relationship and are suited for that style of relationships over the traditional monogamous ones. And he just has to find women who are fine with that - though entirely rare. Edited March 29, 2012 by Satou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satou Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) drat double post Edited March 29, 2012 by Satou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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