First Time Seeing Death.

[ChicagoRSX]

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this, possibly just for my own sanity, just so I can put this all down and maybe exercise my own demons. 2 weeks ago I got my first real look at death. I don't mean my first funeral or first time someone I knew dying and seeing their body in the casket, but I mean seeing the death of someone, the extinguishing of their life. 2 weeks ago, a fellow officer was killed by a hit and run driver. She was struck, broadside by a van, her body thrown into oncoming traffic, where she was struck a second time and pinned under another vehicle. I remember running to the scene and just seeing her feet bent at odd angles, sticking out from underneath the car. I helped the fire and ems personnel get her extracted from underneath the vehicle, and I hoped and prayed she was fine. I knew deep down inside that wasn't the case. I stood on that curb as they worked on her in the ambulance. I glanced down at the rain water in the gutter of the street and thought, the car that had pinned her had been damaged when we tried to extract her, as oil was flowing down the street in the gutter on the water. Another fellow officer pointed out that, sadly no, that was blood. I remember how her body was bloodied under that car, and the powerless feeling I shared with my fellow officers. It's that bloodied body that I can't shake from my own memory, no matter how many positive and happier memories of her I try to summon, they just won't replace that one image, burned into my brain. You think this shit only happens in movies, the whole scene of the stormy night, a horrible accident, until it slaps you clear in the face. If nothing else, this tragedy has brought my department closer then it has been in a long time, and I pray she is happy where ever her soul may be. I pray her husband and child strength to get through this. I know in time, my mind will ease, that this is probably shell shock. And before you ask, I am talking to people, praying and meditating. But if anyone has experienced a similar event, advice is welcomed. Hug those that are close to you people, and don't hesitate to let them know you appreciate them, you never know when you won't have the chance anymore. Thanks for letting me put this down. Sorry to be such a downer.

[ryno]

I was at Dale Earnhardts last race and we had the race scanners on him when he hit the wall and died. It was one of the hardest things to fathom at that age (I was 12 at the time). It's a very eerie and eye opening experience to be that close to death. And to be listening to his radio when he had hit the wall and knowing he died was something I don't think I'll ever get over. To this day, I still have trouble watching a NASCAR race and probably won't goto another one.

[mushrat]

its ok. letting something out is the first way of dealing with it. I am not in law enforcement or ems, but one night I was sitting on my front porch after a party, about 1 am when we heard a screech, a crash, and all the lights went out. Me and 2 friends called 911 and grabbed fire extinguishers, headed ot where we heard the crash. There was a car on the main street wrapped in a U om its side up against a big brick building and a crowd standing on the corner looking. We ran to the car and while i was kneeling to help 1 of 2 survivors out of the twisted wreck, i looked down and realized i had almost put my knee on the head of the guy who's head and shoulders were sticking out from UNDER the car.
Since then I have worked as an embalmer's intern for 8 months before i hurt my back.
I've seen similar things and while i'll never forget them, they are part of what makes me me.
Remember the good times and hope it was quick. We all face our end eventually, so i guess whats important is how we lived our life.
Did they catch the hit and run van?

[Stuie]

May I offer some advice.

Talk about it regularly with someone. The Image will go away in time or I should say not haunt you.

I experienced something along those lines. A Car wreck, I rolled to miss a semi, we ended up lying on my driver side my then fiance was hanging over me stuck in her seat belt I thought dead because she was unresponsive, my hair, clothes, and car soaked in her blood. I spent the next 3 months with nightmares and night terrors. After that it started to diminish quite significantly.

Just a fun fact: Our wedding was 5 weeks after the wreck, and we got married all the same, she got take her brace off her arm for the ceremony. I couldn't sleep in the same bed as my wife because of the night terrors for the first 3 months our marriage. Fun Stuff!

This won't go away overnight, it will be with you for a while, but you need to talk it through at least weekly with Doctor, minister, counselor or someone. Medication may help deal with it but that's for doc to decide.

[ChicagoRSX]

Hey guys, thanks for the support and feedback.
Yes, they did catch the bastard, not that any of this matters but he was an illegal alien, and this was his second DUI.
But yeah, I've been talking with people and my wife(she is studying to be a nurse, so trauma isn't anything new for her, she has probably seen people in far worse shape then I have). And, I've talked to trained people as well. Thanks guys, I sincerely appreciate the words.

[Chreees]

Man, I can't even imagine what that was like for you.... I went trucking with my dad out to California when I was 14 and we were on our way back to Memphis coming through Arkansas and we passed a wreck... The guy had been thrown from his vehicle and was lying dead on the asphalt. No attempt had been made to even cover the body. All the truckers were talking about it on the CB- "Why won't those fuckers cover the damn body up?? Kids are seeing this..." He was obviously dead because cops nor anybody else was even around him. It was my first time seeing something like that, and I'll never forget it. No where near as bad as what you experienced, though. I hope you're able to find a way to cope.

[SundayFundaysTV]

I saw this story on the news when it happened, its a damn shame and feel bad you had to see that. We live in one of the most f'ed up cities right now in the US and it's not getting any better. Death in this city everyday more then it is in Afganistan which is really f'ed up as well, although I haven't witnessed something like exactly happening, but living in this city I can sort of relate, but it's good to just get it out and talk about it man.

[Urloc]

The fact that he was an illegal alien DOES matter and this is why.

When I was much younger I was driving in the city and a motorbike ran out a stop signal and I crashed on it at like 80mph. The poor guy was slammed against my windshield and tossed over my car. I inmediately stopped the car and went to assist him, his head was a bloody mess and his body was twisted. He didn't wear any helmet. I called 911 and seems his life could be saved.

It really matters because I had my insurance, my papers and everything legal so I had absolutely no reason to run. If it was an illegal alien that guy would now be dead.