Feel Like My Life Is Spiraling Out Of Control

[Snowdrifter]

I really need to get some stuff off my chest guys. I hope you don't mind me using you as a shoulder to cry on. I'm 18, so this a lot for me to try and deal with

All this stuff started happening back on November 28. I went to the ER because I felt like I was going to pass out, I was seeing stars, couldn't feel my hands/feet, poor memory, and there were a couple times where I couldn't talk/understand what was said. They took blood and also did a thyroid test. All that and blood sugar came back normal. Went to the doctors the following day and he couldn't find anything. Tried to treat for some inner ear thing and gave me some anti-inflammatory stuff. Didn't help. Was suspecting some form of seizure since this came is episodes - like waves. So I got an MRI and an EEG and both of those came back normal. No seizures. The doctor there pointed me to an endocrinologist thinking it may be an overactive adrenal gland, so they ran an entire armada of tests and they all came back normal.

So we all went to Hawaii over Christmas and I did nothing except get worse. That also ruled out environmental issues. Instead of getting these spells where I feel bad, that has faded into how I feel constantly and now I get spells where I feel even worse. I feel like I'm in a dream state - a nightmare rather, I get horrid panic attacks for no reason, I forget who I am, what I am doing, where I am, my skin feels tingly, I have ringing in my ears, blurred vision, I get hallucinations, bouts of depression, and I feel like I'm "slipping away." Oh, and I have no appetite either(and there's still much more that I haven't said). I've lost 25lbs since this all started just over a month ago.

Saw a doctor again when I came back and he didn't find anything.

Friend referred me to an infectious disease doctor and he didn't even want to see me. Looked at my symptoms and dismissed it.

So I keep getting worse, the doctors can't find anything, it's tough to get an appointment since they are all booked. So here I am, feeling like I'm dying more often than not, no one seems to know what's going on, I'm getting worse, had to cancel school, can't work, can't drive. My brother is never around since he's always doing after school sports, my dad works, and my mom - who I've always been counting on and confiding in when I feel horrible has been getting into hard alcohol and refuses to stop. And she is the nasty drunk too - which just makes me feel worse, and feel like I've been deserted.

I've always been the type of person who could have a bomb go off next to them and wouldn't blink, I could have things going to shit all around me and I'd be the person thinking clearly enough to know what to do. But this - a month of dealing with this and no light at the end of the tunnel has turned me into an emotional wreck.

This is all so much to try and get a handle on, ya know? What's going to happen to me - will I ever get better, will I die? Is this the beginning of the end? What about my mom? Does she still care? Why does she do what she does?


I know I put a lot out there, but I really needed to get this off my chest

[DrSmokes]

So much for the medical doctors helping. I'm a bit biased...but since nothing else is working, seek out a chiropractor that does Applied Kinesiology and possibly one that is Internal Health Specialist certified (a doc with both certificates would be a bonus). I'm not much help here since I don't have a list of all your symptoms and more information on what you go through, how you feel when you eat, what you were doing prior to all this started, what you ate prior to all this starting, any places you may have visited, did you get a flu vaccine or any other vaccine prior to this, etc. It sounds like it might be a parasite or fungal infection (if this didn't start after a vaccine).

Don't give up trying to find the problem. Medical doctors are not the only route and a lot of times in my experience, not the best route.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom...I hope things turn around with her.

[Chreees]

I don't even know what to say to this besides I hope you are able to figure things out and hopefully it is no longer an issue for you. It sounds like what you're going through is an ultimate hell, and I hate that for you. Really hope you are able to figure things out. Sounds like DrSmokes's advice is your next best step.

Keep your head up man, and keep us updated. We're here for you. Anything we can do let us know.

[mattarios2]

Unfortunately I do not have a complete solution for you, but I can say this. Over the past 18 months I had quite a series of misfortunes in terms of illnesses that began to build and build over time. I would be all better but mentally I wouldn't let go of the ailment because they were ailments that really disturbed my daily life. I had vertebral artery compression pretty badly, I had tonsilitis that antibiotics didn't do much for until they put me on a monster antibiotic that got rid of it but a bunch of nasty things came following that like awful acid reflux ( I had burned my throat about a year back which takes a couple years to completely heal) and the acid reflux re-burned my throat causing all kinds of eating issues and burning and yada yada, I had insane hypertension was running about 170/96 at rest about 2 years ago as well. There were many other things too, but I am not saying these are nearly as bad as what you dealt with but what I did learn from the entire thing is that the mind is the strongest thing on this earth.

All of my issues had gone away, and mentally I kept them well and alive so they never left. I started having burning after every meal, nausea, no appetite, indigestion, such bad chest tightness I had trouble breathing, burning in the stomach, chest, and lung area, throat tension, feelings that my throat would close, all kinds of things. Come to find out, it was anxiety from me continually thinking about all these diff things I had. Once again I am not saying your issues don't exist and that it is anxiety, they very well could 100% exist, but the little you may be able to take out of my experience is, if you truly and honestly tell your mind it isn't there or I can beat this, or I am strong, and truly have confidence day in and day out, it helps out incredibly. Once again your illness can very well be completely real and you may need something to fix it, but try to keep that mind positive. I know it is extremely difficult with all that is going on, but if you honestly and truly believe things will get better, they will. It took me about 12 weeks of positive thinking, going back to what I used to do, and living normally before everything started to just magically disappear.

Often times when you present things to a Doctor and they say hmm well we can't find anything, because they DID do tests, it reinforces your mind that HEY if they are doing tests, something is wrong. And it just continues to make the situation worse. Once again, not saying nothing is wrong, but the mind is so powerful it can create the worst feelings in your body. if it has the power to do bad, it can do good just as well if not better. It may sound Hallmark-ish and corny, but it is the truth. Blast your favorite music, rock out, force yourself to do the things you used to enjoy, it can only help.

Saying things like, am I going to die? Will this ever get better? Are not things you should be questioning. Question nothing, be confident that YOU WILL find a solution, because you will. And in the end you will look back and say wow. And all you will take from this whole experience will only help you in the future. Be appreciative it is happening now and not when you are 35 with kids and have a mortgage and kids bills and have to produce income for your families survival. Try to take all the good things out of it. It all happens for a reason, you WILL find that reason, maybe not today, but you will.

Goodluck to you, you will be fine!

[Rani]

There's a book by Barbara Hoberman Levine entitled "Your Body Believes Every Word You Say". The mind/body connection is still not explored enough in Western Medicine. I would suggest you explore other avenues. Ancient and holistic medical practitioners are more likely to recognize what's going on. You've checked Modern/Western Medicine. I'd try looking at the ancient methods, including Chinese and Ayurvedic doctors. They may be able to find something that the machines that Western medicine relies on don't see. They may also be able to recommend spiritual practitioners that work with them so they can work on your body and mind together focusing on improving your health from both angles. Attitude (the mind part of the connection) has been reported to cure even the worst diseases of the body. You know you're not healthy as you are right now and Western medicine has apparently failed you. Look at other avenues and see if they don't give you a better chance. If you're not totally comfortable that far outside the box, look for a osteopath. They are fully licensed in modern medicine, but also work with alternative cures.

Several years before my grandmother died, she had a bunch of health problems that no doctor could recognize. She was tested for everything under the sun and they kept finding nothing. She finally went to a alternative medical practitioner. They diagnosed her with Parkinson's. She went back to her regular doctor who looked more deeply into her symptoms and agreed with the diagnosis. Between both practitioners, they were able to set up a treatment program that added years to her life. Sometimes in being proactive in recovering your health you have to look outside the modern box.

'Rani

[Snowdrifter]

Thanks for the words and ideas guys. It's encouraging knowing that some of you have been through stuff like this before. And sometimes, you just really need to vent about life.

I think what worries/frustrates me the most is not knowing what's going on, having to keep waiting on doctors (feeling lost in the system), and the doctors I do meet seem like they are all pushovers - like they don't want to spend the time to tackle what's really going on. They will refer me to someone else, or try and treat some alternative thing that matches half the symptoms and call it a day like an ear infection.

I went on a drive with my mom so she had to listen and had "THE" talk with her about the alcohol. I sure hope what I said sticks.


I was finally able to meet with my primary care provider yesterday. Since this all seemed like it came on so suddenly, he was having a question of whether the chicken or the egg came first, if you know what I mean. Are the anxiety attacks causing the symptoms, or are the symptoms causing the anxiety attacks? So he tried putting me on an anti anxiety med. I guess we got our answer because it only seemed to intensify my symptoms, minus the anxiety. And if you are curious how it feels like - it pretty much gave me a severe case of ADD where I couldn't even think clearly enough to have a panic attack. I'll probably try it a couple more times just to make sure it wasn't some sort of first-time, getting used to it type of reaction.

Will me meeting with him again on Monday. So we'll see, I guess.

[â€On]

I don't know what it is that's going on inside your body or mind, but when I was younger I used to have a bad temper that, when triggered, would give me insane hypertension. So, my advice is based on that.

Find something that calms you. Reading specific books, or watching specific movies, or meditation, or riding your bike, or going for a drive, or lifting weights or staring at the clouds, looking at paintings, going to a museum...anything! Just try things out that might calm and relax your nerves. Then hold on to that feeling. Think of it like "going to your cave" in fight club. Your happy place. It may not clear up the symptoms, as you may legitimately have something going on with your body, but when you learn to face it and say "nope, not getting stressed over this, just going to relax", that's the real road to recovery. I think you should by all means keep trying to find what it is that's going on with your body, but the body and mind work together, and if you can help out even just a portion of one of the two, it will help. For me, it was all mental, so learning to cope with it and just go "pshhh, whatever" actually did fix things for me. Those of you who know me know I'm about as chill as an ice cube, but I think most people just take for granted that that's how I have always been. Work at controlling your mind, don't let it control you.

Think about this quote whenever you feel whatever it is swelling inside you:
[b] [i]“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”[/i] - Frank Herbert[/b]

[Snowdrifter]

Today has been pretty rough for me in terms of severity of the symptoms I've been experiencing. And none of the local doctors can find anything. I got one of the handful of answers no one wants to hear: "we don't know"

So Sunday, it's last resort time. I'm flying out to Rochester, Minnesota and visiting this place called the Mayo Clinic - which basically specializes in finding the stuff no one else can. I HOPE that they find something. I hope so bad

[DrSmokes]

[quote name='Snowdrifter' timestamp='1358476023' post='568904']
Today has been pretty rough for me in terms of severity of the symptoms I've been experiencing. And none of the local doctors can find anything. I got one of the handful of answers no one wants to hear: "we don't know"

So Sunday, it's last resort time. I'm flying out to Rochester, Minnesota and visiting this place called the Mayo Clinic - which basically specializes in finding the stuff no one else can. I HOPE that they find something. I hope so bad
[/quote]If it fails, please look into my suggestions above.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

You've got my support man. I've run the gamut from physical illnesses, mental illness, homelessness, obesity, and most recently a divorce that I'm just now REALLY coming out from. This thread isn't about me, I could go much firther into depth, but I just want you to know I've been through ALOT of shit and while it has taken massive effort to make it through here I am and I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been. There will always be shit to work out, that's just life, but you absolutely CAN get through this. you"ve got the best of the best checking you out at Mayo. I think the best thing you can do at the moment is slow down the best you can, back off the panic button, and acknowledge that things are rough but this is not the end for you, just a very rough spot. You'll make it through. Fear is a bitch. Fear is also based on past experience or future prediction. The reality? You are right here, right now, and you just don't know what the future holds. At times like this give yourself some grace, dude. Life can be so tough, don't add more pressure and stress than you need to if you can help it, it'll only exacerbate things. But yeah. Life can get pretty raw. And try to remember even if you feel abandonment when you really need people, if your Mom isn't where you're used to her being for you, you spent the time to reach out to us here and that's a big fucking deal. My parents failedand abandoned me frequently throughout my youth, I feel you.

Big old positive energy haduken headed your way. Google breathing excercises and try one out. look into meditation, sometimes really simple things like that can start the wheels of healing in motion.

[Giant Ninja Robot]

Also not to play the old man role, but 9 years ago when I was 18 I was feeling pretty muh the same way. Different life problems but nonetheless. At 27 now I'll be the voice to tell you, while recognizing there are physical symptoms involved and not disregarding them, flat out: It gets better.

[Snowdrifter]

Thanks brother. That was really the talk I needed to hear right now. I can't say I feel any better physically, but it made the difference mentally

[Coyote]

Could be PTSD.

[duckah]

This might be a little out of the blue, but the rapid weight loss and lack of appetite might be more significant than most people give credit to. What is your diet like when you do eat?

[Snowdrifter]

Been trying to drink some Ensure for my meals, since it has so many vitamins in it.

Also an update: landed in Minnesota today. Have an appointment with the Mayo Tuesday morning. Praying that they find something....

[SaintPendulous]

maybe try eastern medicine. western medicine focuses more on the symptons than whats causeing it. Chinese medicine inparticular looks at balances and imbalances in your diet, "energy" and all that and helps balance that out

i had a stomach ulcer and heartburn for years and my friend who is a chinese herbalist helped me more or less kick having Heartburn

[DrSmokes]

[quote name='SaintPendulous' timestamp='1358817181' post='569298']
maybe try eastern medicine. western medicine focuses more on the symptons than whats causeing it. Chinese medicine inparticular looks at balances and imbalances in your diet, "energy" and all that and helps balance that out

i had a stomach ulcer and heartburn for years and my friend who is a chinese herbalist helped me more or less kick having Heartburn
[/quote]
Exactly what I was getting at Glad someone else agrees and has success with it. I can rattle off a list of "diseases" or "conditions" that I've helped/treated/"cured" that would be considered "medical miracles" or "impossible" in their books.

[Snowdrifter]

Well folks, I wish I had something good to bring to the table here. But we still don't know what's going on. So far I've had extensive heart, blood, neurological, and ear/balance tests to try and find something and so far it's all come back negative. We aren't giving up, but it's been really tough lately.

 

In the past week, I've gotten exponentially worse - to the point where I feel like I'm starting to lose who I am. I'll forget what I'm doing, where I am, I'll hallucinate, permanently thirsty, bad short term memory, feeling very disassociated, and my heart will jump up to almost 200bpm, then drop down to 40, then go back up to 80-100. Just to name a few of the things I've been feeling

 

If you guys have ever had one of those nightmares where it seems like you can only half wake up from - where your heart is pounding and it makes it seem like it's shaking you to pieces, that's what I'm beginning to feel like.

 

It's getting to the point where it is beyond just extremely annoying and crappy - it's getting scary. I've been thinking a lot about my own death lately - enough that I've actually began to come to terms with it and accept it as a possible outcome. 

[DrSmokes]

Have you tried eastern medicine yet?

[Pavo21]

i agree with smokes eastern medicine could help.  But also i think it could be viral or fungus or vaccinations, if you did get any. but best of luck man keep searching, i know sourthern california is far but we have city of hope and UCLA which are some of the best hospitals in the world and USC also. which might help. If possible try and keep positive its hard when you are young, and unable to control somethings but, i've been through a lot also. being sick and in nad outta the hospital but i feel lucky. so keep on going strong man.

[Snowdrifter]

Well, I have some great news for everyone!

 

 

I'm so happy right now I don't even have words for it. We finally found out what's wrong!

 

But now we've finally figured out what the deal is. It's something called Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome - a fast, weak heart rate caused my an autonomic nervous system reaction to changing body position. My brain was getting somewhere around ~50% of the bloodflow it should have been getting because of this - hence all these obscure symptoms I've been having. Treatment for it is really basic - drink LOTS of water, eat salty foods to increase my blood volume, and switch to a gluten free diet (something about that, IDK why, but it works even though I don't have any issues with gluten). 

 

Then after a few years, I'll out grow it and life goes on to normal!

 

I'm so happy words can't even do it justice 

[Coleman]

Glad to hear you found the cause of all this hope everything works out

[DrSmokes]

Well, I have some great news for everyone!

 

 

I'm so happy right now I don't even have words for it. We finally found out what's wrong!

 

But now we've finally figured out what the deal is. It's something called Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome - a fast, weak heart rate caused my an autonomic nervous system reaction to changing body position. My brain was getting somewhere around ~50% of the bloodflow it should have been getting because of this - hence all these obscure symptoms I've been having. Treatment for it is really basic - drink LOTS of water, eat salty foods to increase my blood volume, and switch to a gluten free diet (something about that, IDK why, but it works even though I don't have any issues with gluten). 

 

Then after a few years, I'll out grow it and life goes on to normal!

 

I'm so happy words can't even do it justice 

That's good to hear!  Usually the postural orthostatic bp changes have to deal with weak adrenals or weak kidneys.  Supporting the adrenals...would be "salty foods" (want to get celtic sea salt...make sure it is pink or gray, if it's white, it's bleached and has lost it's minerals which are important to have), also taking vitamins that support the adrenals...usually the glandulars work best.  As for the kidneys, the increase water consumption can help, but also kidney glandulars and other vitamins can help support the kidneys.  I'm sure you can google foods and vitamins that will support the 2.

 

The gluten free diet is because wheat is bad for you.  Wheat has drastically changed since the 50's.  Wheat is now all genetically modified.  Even though the modifications allowed more wheat to be produced, it created a "frankenwheat".  It's highly addictive releasing chemicals in the brain similar to cocaine (I believe that's the drug that it acts similar to), it is highly pro-inflammatory, amongst many other problems with it.  The big things I try to get my patients off of are refined sugar, wheat, and dairy.  If you can eliminate those, most people's symptoms usually resolve.  If not, then there is more digging to do, such as other food sensitivities.

 

I also try to get my patients to do brisk walks to sweat a little bit, to help release toxins and cleanse the system (after they've been eliminating the above foods).

 

Keep us informed on how everything goes!  I'm really happy you got it figured out.  Which hospital/institute figured this out for you?

[Snowdrifter]

Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN

 

I'm happy that I know what this is, but it doesn't make me any better. I still feel like crap, and I honestly feel like I'm still getting worse.

 

It's not like there is any magic formula to get better. It's not like you broke your arm, so put it in a cast and drink lots of milk for a couple months and you will be good as new. This is all about managing and some people never have it go away, while others have it continuously get worse. 

 

I have the diagnosis, but not the cure. And that is both frustrating and kind of scary. I take that back, it's extremely frustrating. My life has been on hold since this started and I don't know how much longer it will stay that way

[mattarios2]

Glad to hear it is figured out. You have a bunch of things you can do to help the issue so I wouldn't get down if I were you. Do the things you are told to do for a while and see how they go.

 

You would be shocked at how much water your body can hold. When I had high blood pressure at the age of 22 (yeah it is genetic in my case) they put me on a diuretic, I lost 8.5 lbs of water in 2 days. I now exercise daily, and only eat about 1800-2000mg of salt per day and I am good. But yeah, if you crush salt and drink lots of water, you will hold a ton of water.