Macho555 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Q. Define "Egghead:" A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAHkoo Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 what do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horses ass? A mechanic. hahah i thought that was funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelflage Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 advance apologies to any race of people i am about to offend....Q: how many jews can you fit in a volkswagen??a: depends on how big the ashtray is.Q: why don't women need watches?A: because there is a clock on the stove.Q: what do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?A: smack her.Q: what does Michael Jackson and Haynes have in common?A: you can find both in little boys pants.Q: what do you call 3 black guys in a mercedes?A: grand theftok im done. now i feel dirty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollo Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I heard this one from a friend of mine who actually moved to the states from mexico, so it made it all the more hillariusWhat does a brick and an incrediablly fat woman have in common..... They both will get laid by a mexican sooner or later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SafeSearch Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 ive got a few...So this guy dies and goes to heaven. An angel is taking him around this extremely large palace, full of the grestest things in the world, objects of everyones greatest desire. Finally, the angel takes him to one last room, a room filled with clocks. He explains that each clock ticks once when a person sins. As the man wanders around the room he realizes a clock on the ceiling. Confused, he asks the angel what that clock is for. The angel replies "oh, thats Bill Clinton's clock. We use it as a fan."So a duck walks into a store and says "got any gwapes?" The man behind the counter says no. The duck comes back the next day and goes "got any gwapes?" Again, the man answers no. The third day comes and the duck enters once more, and asks "got any gwapes?" The man impatiently says "No! and if you come in here asking again I'll staple your feet to the floor!" The next day, the duck enters again, and asks "Got any staples?" the man says no, to which the duck replies "Got any gwapes?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 ever wonder why you can't have sex with a woman in the morning?....ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyinTuLive Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i got alot...these r just jokes tho...i am not byast towards any1whats the diff. between a black guy and a bag of shit? the bagHow long does it Take a black women to take a shit? 9 monthswhats the diff. between a pizza and a jew? pizza doesn't scream in the overif u wanna hear more lemme know??...These r just for fun jokes btw..not mean to insult any1 .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amir22 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Here's one a Jewish friend told me recently, much to my surprise but I did laugh.Two Jewish men are walking through town when they notice a new Christian church has opened with a banner declaring "Convert to Christianity and Receive $500". They stop for a moment to think about going in, just for the money. The older one talks the younger into going in and checking things out. Ten minutes later, the young man walks out and the older asks, "Well, did it work? Did you get the money?" The younger one responds, "You Jews... all you ever think about is money." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 3 nuns are at the steps to the pearly gates. St Peter tells them they have to answer a question to get in. He asks the first nun "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun replies "That's easy. It's Eve." St Peter lets her in. Next he asks "Where was she created?" The next nun say "The Garden of Eden.". He lets her in. Finally he tells the third nun that this question won't be as easy. He asks "What did Eve say when she saw Adam?" The nun thinks about it for a minute and says "Boy that's a hard one." St Peter stands aside and tells her to go in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyinTuLive Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 there is a kid that is part jewish but also part black. One day he goes to a yard sale, see's an incredible bike that he wants. So the boy goes how and ask's him mom, "mom and i more black or more jewish"? his mom says i don't know , go ask your dad....so the boy goes and asks his dad.."am i more black or more jewish"? His dad goes it shouldn't matter son, why do u want to know? The boy tells his dad, "well there is this bike down the streeet for sale and i don't know where to talk the kid down to half price or to wait till it's dark and steal the damn thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sicklecow Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 How do you circumcise a redneck?--Kick his sister in the chin.What's black and blue and red all over?--Darkies tied to the back of my pickup.AND THE ALL-TIME, MOST OFFENSIVE JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD...Why do you put a baby into the blender feet first?--So you can look into its eyes while you masturbate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allia22 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 (edited) mmmyep, that's officially the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Edited January 26, 2007 by Allia22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
web250 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 QUOTE (sicklecow @ Jan 25 2007, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>AND THE ALL-TIME, MOST OFFENSIVE JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD...Why do you put a baby into the blender feet first?--So you can look into its eyes while you masturbate.I've heard that as:What sound does a baby make in blender?I dont know, I was masturbating too loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 QUOTE (web250 @ Jan 26 2007, 12:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>QUOTE (sicklecow @ Jan 25 2007, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>AND THE ALL-TIME, MOST OFFENSIVE JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD...Why do you put a baby into the blender feet first?--So you can look into its eyes while you masturbate.I've heard that as:What sound does a baby make in blender?I dont know, I was masturbating too loud.i got a worse one than that.what's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a rolls royce.i dont have a rolls royce in my garage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scalliwag Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Q: How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?A: You roll him over and whack him off!A really cute co-worker told me that. That was when I knew this chic would get freaky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
web250 Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 QUOTE (Scalliwag @ Jan 26 2007, 10:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Q: How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?A: You roll him over and whack him off!A really cute co-worker told me that. That was when I knew this chic would get freaky Lady on the streets...but a freak in the bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scalliwag Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 hehe!!! Some of the most dressed-down gals will break down on you like a jungle jim! You go out wondering if you are gonna get laid and end up wondering if you are gonna live through it But don't get skeered!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SafeSearch Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 pft, your guyses dead baby jokes are bad. I'd open up my can, but I'll ask for clearance first, it can get pretty bad.so....ehhh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 i've not heard a joke yet that offended me, but i doubt that there is anything in the world that would offend me at this point. I say go for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SafeSearch Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 whatever you say...Whats worse than a pile of dead babies?A pile of dead babies with a live one in the center eating its way out.Whats worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one in the center eating its way out?A pile of dead babies with a live one eating its way in.Whats worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one eating its way in?Coming back for seconds.Whats worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree?10 Dead babies nailed to 10 trees.Whats worse than 10 dead babies nailed to 10 trees?One dead baby nailed to 10 trees.I can keep them coming, but if anyone thinks I should stop, I'll stop as dead baby jokes are real crude and just really really mean. Personally, I have nothing against babies, by the way. I hope noone takes offense to these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PK Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and EVERY time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife had enough and wanted to mix things up a bit and see what was going on all these years. So one night, while they were in the middle of doin it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was using his own motion but holding a 10 inch dildo."You bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. Explain yourself!"The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 what's better than honor?......inner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allia22 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 QUOTE (angemonkwj @ Feb 6 2007, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>what's better than honor?......inner *cheers enthusiastically* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelflage Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 QUOTE (angemonkwj @ Feb 6 2007, 05:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>what's better than honor?......inner ......writing that one down.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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