Shavo989 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I was on Amazon just browsing around and I came across one of the lists that users can put together entitled "So you'd like to... Prepare for the Apocalypse (Tribulation)", and I said to myself "Hmm... it's 4:30 in the morning, I can't get back to sleep and I'm bored, why not?" so I decided to give it a read. I don't know if this is a joke or if they're for real but it's has a bunch of stuff in it that you'll "need" after the Apocalypse, citing the biblical verse that gives them the incentive to add it to the must have list... It begins with the cheery disclaimer QUOTE If at the time of reading this you are already 3-1/2 years into the Trib, which is when the identity mark of the beast (666) is required for buying or selling, I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU TAKE THE 666 IN ORDER TO BUY THIS GUIDE'S PRODUCTS. Doing so can only offer a bit of temporal comfort, but will seal your eternal doom in the lake of fire. My advice: do not take the mark!and then reccomends items like QUOTE 36. Tylenol Acetaminophen, Extra Strength, 500 mg, Gelcaps 100 gelcaps (Pack of 2) - the 5 months of painful torture inflicted by the demons will be so bad men will wish to die but cannot (Rev 9:6) QUOTE IF YOU'RE AMONG THE REBELS WHO TOOK THE 666 MARK, STOCK UP ON OINTMENT: 43. Neosporin Original Antibiotic Ointment, 0.5 oz - the festering boils will be "grievous" (Rev 16:2)and then there's my personal favorite QUOTE RECEIVE THE TESTIMONY OF GOD'S 2 MIRACLE-WORKING WITNESSES IN JERUSALEM WHO CAST JUDGMENTS OF DROUGHT AND PLAGUES WHILE TESTIFYING 3-1/2 YEARS BEFORE BEING MURDERED BY ANTICHRIST (Rev 11:1-14) 38. BlackBerry 8100 Pearl Phone (T-Mobile) - portable way to watch witnesses via internet, interesting since the Revelation author 2000 years ago was prescient to know all nations would somehow be able to watch these witnesses lie dead then resurrect and be raptured up accompanied by an earthquake destroying 1/10 of Jerusalem and killing 7000 (Rev 11:9-12) I mean, I'm not, in any way, trying to bash someones religious convictions and what not; but, damn. If they're serious and not kidding this is worse than the story about the lady that jumped out of the sunroof of a moving car because she mistook the guy on his way to the toga party with the airborne helium-filled sex dolls for Jesus taking believers into Heaven. EDIT: I'm not sure if this belongs in the serious discussion forum, joke forum, or here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 hahaha QUOTE I mean, I'm not, in any way, trying to bash someones religious convictions and what not; but, damn. If they're serious and not kidding this is worse than the story about the lady that jumped out of the sunroof of a moving car because she mistook the guy on his way to the toga party with the airborne helium-filled sex dolls for Jesus taking believers into Heaven. They had an episode like that on the show Six Feet Under. One of my all time favorite shows ever!! but yea, That whole things is pretty crazy. It probably is true.... People are insane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakemonster Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 LOLOLOL...... This period of of Apocolyptic Tribulation has been brought to you by Tylenol and T-Mobile. I think all of this is nothing more than playing on the folks that dove head first into "Left Behind" version of Daniel and Revelation. There are people out there that feel that events are are going to play out EXACTLY like those books say. I even had a friend that firmly believed the anti-christ was going to be a Romanian. Anyway.. theres lots of smitten readers out there to profit on.... if you know what I mean. Was there any discussion of REAL survival needs...... like a proper bug out kit, firearm...... or essentials tools for really "roughing it"? Wait.......... I'll have my BlackBerry so I can text someone to get the demons off me or order Dominoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanguineSolitude Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 id kinda like to be raptured up. or down for that matter. just make with the rapture. "damn girl, id make like jesus and rapture you all over" thats funny. definately seems to be a joke poking a little fun at the bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shavo989 Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 QUOTE (Lakemonster)Was there any discussion of REAL survival needs...... like a proper bug out kit, firearm...... or essentials tools for really "roughing it"? Yeah, there's gas masks, emergency rations, pepper spray, there's even a $20,000 JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank to save you from gigantic hailstones (when I saw that one I realised you truly can buy ANYTHING off of the internet). I just found a lot of it humorous. Like if you seriously believe you really pissed God (whatever interpretation you have of him/her) off enough to have a horde of demons sent on your ass for five months, you will also believe Extra Strength Tylenol will help you. I mean come on. Some people are just nuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonthert Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Don't forget, before there can be the apocalypse, there must be the rapture...no rapture, no apocalypse. Their propositions of biblical text are blasphemous at best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanguineSolitude Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 mmm rapture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakemonster Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Not everyone believes in a "rapture" tho. Thats only one interpretation of events. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shavo989 Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 They have a section called something along the lines of 'IF YOU'RE READING THIS BEFORE THE RAPTURE' that has a couple of books to help you become a better Christian just in time for the rapture. I think if your only incentive to get more religious is that you're afraid of being left behind it's a load of bullshit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krautle87 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 QUOTE (Sonthert)Don't forget, before there can be the apocalypse, there must be the rapture...no rapture, no apocalypse. Their propositions of biblical text are blasphemous at best. The rapture is actually a protestant invention of the 18th century. The rapture is a theory with no real biblical foundation, except a few verses in Acts that can be interpreted as a rapture. This thing HAS to be a joke, no way in hell a real Christian would pull this crap, I doubt tylenol would be any help with a demon poking you with a trident. :roll: I don't think we're in the "end times" right now, but some of the things going on in the Middle East these days really make you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 QUOTE (Krautle87)This thing HAS to be a joke, no way in hell a real Christian would pull this crap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macho555 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I dont know about the "no real christian would pull this crap" thing. I've been told once, that If I don't stop using the lords name in vain, that a demon will lay eggs in my stomach, then the demon will take over my body once it hatches. I swear to god I was told that, and she was DEAD serious, and scared for me. God dammit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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