What would you do?

[Lakemonster]

Long ago when I started smoking the hookah, I packed mine up and took it over to a friends place. I asked him and the other guys if they wanted to try it out. My buddy said yeah, "we can set up in the barn". Odd.. but alright. SO we smoked on it for a while and I put it away.

Several months later I went back over to play some poker and packed a new rig I had recently gotten. I had it in a case, when I unzipped the case infront of him, he pulled me to the side and asked me not to bring it out and not to bring one over there again. The reasoning was that he didnt want his 13 year old son to get the wrong idea. Fair enough. His home, his rules.

He told me later that he explained things to his son about the hookah and what it is used for and what it IS NOT used for. I took him at his word.

I respected his decision, but I did let him know that I for one NEVER use my hookah for anything questionable. I figured he should at least know that for a fact.

Months later I invited the gang over for cards. Since there is NO cigarette smoking in the house (only Hookah and Pipe allowed, spousal law), I lit up the hookah I had prepared by me in the corner on the floor. This same friend became visably uncomfortable... but it didnt dawn on me why until later. His son was there as well in the next room watching DVD's. A few of the other guys wanted to get in on a bit of my hookah and I just set them up with a second hookah on that side of the card table. The son came in a few times breifly during all this.

The next day I get a call from my friend and he let me know that his son was very concerned that I was going to "go to jail" over the hookahs and was very distraught over the fact that his uncle had seemed to be smoking it quite a bit. He told me that he explained the whole thing to him at that point.

I have extened further invitations at my house to play cards. all declined. I ceased inviting ppl over.

I probably dont know half of the story..... but I really got to thinking that all this could have been avoided by simple explanation up front (as I was under the impression took place). Everyone around me found out the skinny on hookah way back when, and from conversations along the way about things I have learned about hookah over the last 3 years. The father has no confusion whatsoever about it. I am trying to understand why he wanted to hide hookah from his son anyway. But, its his child, its his decision on how to raise him.

I did feel rather put upon when I got the call..... I feel that what I do in my home is my decision....especially when theres no "funny business" going on with it. I felt let down that the son felt poorly about what we were doing. There was no reason for him to have misunderstood.

Now, do I feel bad for smoking the hookah in my home while he was there? Absolutley not. Mom and Dad, and everyone else slipped outside for cigarettes.... is there any difference? I dont think so at all. My way of smoking just looks a little more curious than theirs.

My point to this is..... I feel that if things were explained and myths dispelled then none of this (and whatever else there is to it I havent heard) would have happened. Like I said, its his child, he can raise him as he sees fit...... I just dont understand why he felt the need to add to the problem by trying to "hide it away".

Where could I have done better in this?

[ghostofdavid]

I don't think there is much you could have done to alleviate the awkwardness associated with this scenerio. You did most everything in the right. It seems that the miscommunication between parent and child is great and they are either too embrassed to bring up a touchy subject to their child for whatever reason. It seems to be more of an indicator that their ability to communicate with their child is next to nothing and their relationship will suffer from it.

As junior surely knows, you are not a bad guy. Similarly, if they let you communicate with him, let him know that what you were smoking was a flavoured tobacco mix.

I don't really know what else to add because of how they handled it, not how you did because as I said, you don't appear to have done anything wrong.

[YooHoo JiMbOb III]

maybe trying to explain it to the kid if u ever get a chance maybe the dad didnt explain it well enough from lack of knowledge so the kid thought it was only used for pot?

[Lakemonster]

maybe trying to explain it to the kid if u ever get a chance maybe the dad didnt explain it well enough from lack of knowledge so the kid thought it was only used for pot?

That would nice for me to be able to do, however, I feel that discussing serious issues like tobacco use, drinking, birds and bees type stuff is a discussion for parents to have with their children. I could be "jumping over" the parents by doing so.

I would prefer that forward approach, tho.

[ASUSEAN1]

yeah i dont think the parents would like this idea. The kid will grow up and eventually figure out the misconception and realize that hookah is for shisha and not for any other purpose. I'd say by the age of 16 unless he is really sheltered.

[Scheetz]

I don't want to bash on your friend Lake, but they seem like the parents that would own a gun. And never tell the kid what its purpose is for, and how dangerous it could be. Then they come home one day and the kid is playing with it, even though its not loaded.

I see your dilemma though. If the parents choose not to teach their kid about what a hookah is and the fact that its tobacco, well thats their problem. You really can't do anything about it. If they don't want to come over anymore because you smoke your hookah then so be it. But its petty shit and they need to realize that.

It appears to me though, that the father failed to explain properly. He should have told his child its used for tobacco, just like the cigarette mommy and daddy smoke. Its just another way to do it. Leave out the drug part, kid is 13 now, he knows about drugs. But when you tell a little kid it can be used for both, then the imagination starts going and they think you are doing the bad side of it.

[[LB]]

I think you did fine, and that your friend is over reacting by telling you you are 'going to jail' because thats a bunch of malarky. It IS his child, therefore it should be his responsibility to explain to the child the situation, its not like the kids gonna smoke pot when hes 3! it doesent really matter what he thinks until hes nearing high school, IMO.


If i were in your situation i would just ask my friend to relax and not worry so much- maybe not have his kid with him when your smoking the hookah, just dont offend him by telling him how to parent his child because that usually makes a situation alot uglier than it should be.

[ShishaFred]

Strange , I'd expect a 13 year old kid to know what tobacco is. If his father simply explained him its a fancy oversized pipe , I don't see what he would have to think otherwise...I work with kids in a day camp ...and you,d be suprised how much they know at 12

[Macho555]

You know the guy and his son better than we do, but I am rather reluctant to accept that his son was "distraught" or even concerned you were going to jail over this hookah, ESPECIALLY if he had explained it as your friend said he did. Your friend sounds a little like an overconcerned parent that needs to find a problem somewhere. Scheetzs gun analogy is pretty good.

It's on the part of the parent to explain things that might be dangerous to them in an intelligent fashion, which your friend obviously hasn't done, if the hookah scared the hell out of him.

[xpimpitox]

You'd be surprised at what age kids are experiencing new things these days (i leave these experiences to your imagination). but yea i have a 6 year old niece at the house and she see's me smoking hookah all the time. when she first asked me what it was i simply told her its an adult toy that i play with (she was very young when she first saw me use it). she knows what smoking is due to my dad passing away from lung cancer a year and half ago. she is very smart girl and with me and my sister further explaining what i do and why i do it, she understands that its something that I like to do and something she is too young to try nor has any desire to try it as she is a curious one.

Lake: i think your friend has the case of the overprotective parent. with the freedom my father gave me growing up (my mom was the traditional over concerned/protective mexican mom that got overruled by my dad's word, just the way of a traditional mexican family), i did not really experience being overprotected like it seems your friends son is probably experiencing. although it is good when a parent cares about their kid like they should, being overly sheltered can be a bad thing that can lash out in those rebel teen years to come...heck i know i did even tho i had more freedom than my 2 older sisters, i still had boundaries that i loved to test! shit who didnt.

[azcoyote]

Could be it's MOM behind all the hookah hysteria. Your bro don't want you to know how pw'd he is. So he puts it on the boy, eh, young man. Maybe?

[angemonkwj]

from what you've said i dont think that you did any thing wrong. it sounds to me like the child was just ill informed. not your fault at all.

[Lakemonster]

Could be it's MOM behind all the hookah hysteria. Your bro don't want you to know how pw'd he is. So he puts it on the boy, eh, young man. Maybe?

Ohhhhhhhh.... now thats very likely. Which, in that case, would dissappoint me on a different level. For a whole different set of reasons. Now that you mention it..... Mom never had a puff of it...... and the other female mom's did. Huh..... wow.

I did find it strange that he would be so gaurded about the hookah issue with his son, otherwise he is very open, IMHO. His son is a sharp kid... and is far from sheltered.... and very well mannered on the whole. (he's a fair shot with a rifle too, btw.) I do think they are very good parents.

I like Mom... she's as much of a friend as anyone......... but when Mom makes up her mind about something. ITS MADE. PERIOD.

Cant win 'em all, yo.

[ghostofdavid]

Yea, when I have kids their going to be pretty familiar with the firearms. NRA's Eddie the Eagle program is pretty lame, but it instills the kind of behaviour around guns that makes kids think before they act. Maybe I should buy that .22LR cricket now so that I can break it in before my children are born... turn old enough to shoot it, etc.

[Macho555]

You'd be surprised at what age kids are experiencing new things these days (i leave these experiences to your imagination).

Heh...when I was in High School, there were no less than TWELVE 13 year old girls pregnant in the Middle School. I Didn't even think that was POSSIBLE at the time, but they proved me wrong.

One last thing...maybe the guy himself is actually worried people will think he smokes weed from one? Or rather, maybe he thinks his son will think he's used it for that, and will try to smoke pot from one himself when he gets older? Just a thought..

[DrShisha]

I think you did do fine. What were you supposed to do? before bringing him over he would have known there was a very good chance that a hookah was on at your house or you would have put one on right, the guy shudda told his son before they came over that a hookah is used for flavoured tobacco and its actually quite nice but it does get misused but its uncles hobby and its perfectly fine, its like ur eating an orange! if its orange flavoured, a cigs more harmful! or something like that. You were at his house, he didnt want it out, you said fair rules your house. He came to your house and you had it up, YOUR RULES right? works both ways. Yeah could have been good ol mum, but kids well im 19 and i used to know too much at 13. Maybe its all a plan to get wifeys order out.

[Scheetz]

I like Mom... she's as much of a friend as anyone......... but when Mom makes up her mind about something. ITS MADE. PERIOD.

isn't that how all women are....

[cohlineman]

Mommy, make the bad man stop.....

you're going to jail!

[speel]

You know honestly if you friends are over the age of 18 they should know the difference and not to have a hissy fit ( not to sound mean or anything) . And if they want to think its a bong or something related to drugs then let them be but their the ones that have to live with the ignorance and it just proves to your self that your a more cultural person.

[EvansLight]

Yea i gotta agree, it sounds more like a lie from a whipped husband. normal

[Johnny_D]

You know honestly if you friends are over the age of 18 they should know the difference and not to have a hissy fit ( not to sound mean or anything) . And if they want to think its a bong or something related to drugs then let them be but their the ones that have to live with the ignorance and it just proves to your self that your a more cultural person.

This is very true. I read the OP's post and i have to say that the guy sounds like a pillock at best.

My daughters are well aware of the cultural heratige of hookah's and have watched may times
when myself, my brothers and friends sit around in the middle east smoking them.. so it's no different
when i light one up in my living room in the uk.

This parent should educate the child and stop making himself look like such a pissy idiot.

Just my 2p's worth.

JD

[EvansLight]

Yea if it is that there worried about there kid, i think its more of a wrong thing to do to keep em away. Bring em over, let them know what your doing, talk to the kid yourself. Hell bring a cop over, and have the cop smoke with you. My friendly neighbors called the cops on me, and after they saw i had the cops smoking with me XD they kinda stopped caring. Hell ive carried on a convo with one while sittin outside swinging and enjoying some nice Al Waha Mint, hell they even took a hit

[Macho555]

So Lake, did you lose that friend over this? He isn't refusing to ever see you again right? Or is he just complaining about your hookah usage?

[ioannisds]

You know Lake, I think you did the best you possibly could considering the circumstances. What this all boils down to is ignorance. I don't think anything you could say or do would change the situation or their attitude one bit. Not to mention you are dealing with a certain brand of irrationality here, what with all of the cigarette smoking going on. I think that no matter how hard you try and explain and educate people like this, you are always going to be greeted with skepticism and the old 'wink wink nudge nudge' regarding your particular vice. I say try and forget about it, and enjoy your hookah like you always have. As an adult, there really is no need to explain your actions anyway, especially when there isn't anything illegal going on, and you're not hurting anybody.

[ShishaFred]

Yeah I think he couldn,t really have acted anyway for this situation not to happen. It kind of reminds me of the thread where the police officer had refused to make sense of what people told him because he was sure he had found people smoking haschish...