ASUSEAN1 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Cisco18% alc. by vol. Cisco is bottled by the nation's second largest wine company, Canandaigua Wine Co., in Canandaigua, NY and Naples, NY - the same company as Wild Irish Rose. Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum. In 1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label (above right). The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate. Read the FTC's full investigation on their own web page at this link. Since those days, Cisco is harder to find outside the slums, although the FTC's demonizing of the drink only bolstered its reputation for getting people trashed. Anyone who overlooks the warning and confuses this with a casual wine cooler is going to get more than they bargained for. Cisco will make a new man out of you. And he wants some too. Our research shows that Cisco is actually the second best tasting of the five great bum wines, especially if you're having one of those hankerings for cheap Vodka, Jello and Robitussin. We must also note that Cisco is the best of all 5 bum wines at putting the darkest and puffiest bags under your eyes. The nuclear-tinted color of "Cisco RED" is reminiscent of diesel fuel. Most Cisco flavors are named by the fruit flavor that they are trying to emulate, but the one picture is simply called "RED." This chemical disaster will get your head spinning in no time. A test subject reports, "Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation." The sticky, sickingly sweet taste with a hint of antifreeze really comes through in the repellant taste of Cisco. Avaliable in various flavors, 375 mL and 750mL sizes. Down a whole 750 mL and you had better be ready to clear your calendar as you suffer through Cisco's legendary 2 day hangover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerodynamic Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 QUOTE (ASUSEAN1 @ Feb 8 2007, 10:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Cisco18% alc. by vol. Cisco is bottled by the nation's second largest wine company, Canandaigua Wine Co., in Canandaigua, NY and Naples, NY - the same company as Wild Irish Rose. Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum. In 1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label (above right). The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate. Read the FTC's full investigation on their own web page at this link. Since those days, Cisco is harder to find outside the slums, although the FTC's demonizing of the drink only bolstered its reputation for getting people trashed. Anyone who overlooks the warning and confuses this with a casual wine cooler is going to get more than they bargained for. Cisco will make a new man out of you. And he wants some too. Our research shows that Cisco is actually the second best tasting of the five great bum wines, especially if you're having one of those hankerings for cheap Vodka, Jello and Robitussin. We must also note that Cisco is the best of all 5 bum wines at putting the darkest and puffiest bags under your eyes. The nuclear-tinted color of "Cisco RED" is reminiscent of diesel fuel. Most Cisco flavors are named by the fruit flavor that they are trying to emulate, but the one picture is simply called "RED." This chemical disaster will get your head spinning in no time. A test subject reports, "Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation." The sticky, sickingly sweet taste with a hint of antifreeze really comes through in the repellant taste of Cisco. Avaliable in various flavors, 375 mL and 750mL sizes. Down a whole 750 mL and you had better be ready to clear your calendar as you suffer through Cisco's legendary 2 day hangover. My boss freakin loves cisco! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angemonkwj Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 now i gotta go out lookin for some of this stuff. thanks man, something else that is gonna suck up my money and mess me up.....woohoo, just like being right out of high school again!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASUSEAN1 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 who doesnt want to try some? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allia22 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Ooh, I wanna try some <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakemonster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 damn... my first reply attempt got eaten by the database.I dont know about all the super powered knockout formula stuff... but it packs a punch. I drank a bottle one night (long ago) and turned into an idiot and passed out.Think I'll stick to cold beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sicklecow Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Well think about it this way: one 20 oz bottle of Cisco is basically 10 oz of vodka. And I bet it goes down a lot quicker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cymptom Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Screw the hookah meet-ups... we should have a nationwide Cisco bash! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelflage Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 nice man, i remember reading the bum wine roundup when it first came out and i laughed myself crazy. i never actually went out and tried them cause the guy who did the review seemed pretty miserable the whole time. also i have no desire to be the "naked screaming bum" at a party. call me boring.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allia22 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 QUOTE (cymptom @ Feb 8 2007, 07:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Screw the hookah meet-ups... we should have a nationwide Cisco bash!+1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sariél Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I'll bring the Mad Dog 20/20, Night Train, and Thunderbird! Maybe some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill for the lightweights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 QUOTE (Sariél @ Feb 10 2007, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Mad Dog 20/20Oh god. No cough syrup for me thnx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
web250 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 That looks good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASUSEAN1 Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 QUOTE (james @ Feb 10 2007, 03:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>QUOTE (Sariél @ Feb 10 2007, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Mad Dog 20/20Oh god. No cough syrup for me thnx.no not cough syrup. pick your favorite brand of rubbing alcohol and mix it with a flavor like blueberry. thats mad dog 20/20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelflage Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 QUOTE (ASUSEAN1 @ Feb 10 2007, 12:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>QUOTE (james @ Feb 10 2007, 03:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>QUOTE (Sariél @ Feb 10 2007, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Mad Dog 20/20Oh god. No cough syrup for me thnx.no not cough syrup. pick your favorite brand of rubbing alcohol and mix it with a flavor like blueberry. thats mad dog 20/20at that rate you guys might as well just chug robatussin.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gex Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 So who all has actually tried this stuff? If anyone can suggest the best flavor, I think I might get some pals to pitch in for some and chill at someone's house - possibly with the doors locked, wouldn't want to embarass ourselves too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mushrat Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Ahh...mad dog 20/20 Grape. My first drunk.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shisha fan Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 just give me a heineken. "liquid crack" that doesn`t sound very inviting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azcoyote Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Have champaign taste and beer buget? Try this!Back in my college days when we were all broke we referred to our favorite libation, the class act of cheap booze as "Rinse Cochon" loosely translated as Hogwash.To make a party pitcher fill a large beer pitcher 1/2 full with very cold fortified white port. They all seem to come from New York State. (18 to 20 percent C2H5OH) add the juice of 2 lemonsadd 1/2 cup blackberry liqueur (25% C2H5OH)add enough cracked ice to fill pitcher.Stir, strain and serve immediately. Put the remaining ice in a bowl in the freezer for the next batch.Garnish glasses or plastic cups with twist of lemon peel. Or you could put it in an empty beer bottle, wrap in a small brown bag and enjoy your cocktail al fresco.If you want a "spritzer" substitute ice cold club soda for half the ice. Note, this will hasten the absorption of alcohol, so pace yourself if you try this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akkbar Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Around here, all the bums drink Big Bear, or Colt 45.Those are both 1.13 litres of 'beer'... it's 7.5%Once I finished a bottle in half and hour and I was done, son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scheetz Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I used to drink Colt 45 all the time in high school. It was the cheapest way to get drunk. Pick up 4 of them, stick them in your cargo pockets and enjoy the party. I tried to drink a colt not to long ago and couldnt do it. It tasted so bad to me, that I had to pull out the Yuengling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now